Stories told through portait art

Nature always seeks a balance

I kind of miss taking silly, creative, abstract portrait pics of self, it was a form of therapy that allowed me to escape the normal boundaries of what's expected one is suppose to look like or be.

In reality, other people only see about 1% of your whole total self, they see what they need to see to feel 'right' in their own minds.

People keep you trapped by doing that, and won't let you be anything else to them, above and beyond their narrow interpretation of what they think you're suppose to be.

You can never arise above their ugly or beautiful bias of you.

But bias can work in both good or negative ways, but either way it's based on myth another has towards you.

Creating portrait art allows me to rebel against other peoples 'myths' through art, digital art.

Sadly I haven't been in the spirit to do anything like that in quite some time.

And that's telling, cause when you stop having fun with self, than where is one headed?

When the gloom or immediate environment, or peoples frame work, around you strip you of inner fun and joy of self, that can't be good.

I'm left alone where I'm at, but can only present one face.

Also you view self differently when single than in a relationship.

In a relationship it's much easier to gravitate into a established role, based on gender ect, but when single, one tends to see self as multi role being, as a way of comforting self.

In other words you often hear how single parents have to play multiple roles to their hobbits, like Father, Mother, sometimes be masculine, other times be feminine ect.

It's the same as when one is single, you tend to play multiple roles with self depending on situation.

In other words nature always seeks a balance, either emotionally or physically.

And that balance plays out in different ways, sometimes in art, music, or career, if ones career allows for creative expression, like lets say being a screenwriter or film maker.

If you're a male in a relationship, it's easier to play the male role all of the time when you have a female to bring that opposite balance.

But if a male and single all of the time, you don't always have that female counterpart to bring that balance that nature requires, as such that balance will tend to come from within.

And vice versa, and is why women who are single for long periods of time tend to be hardier, tougher ect, balance.

When single you have to be everything, not one thing, in order to survive physically and mentally and even spiritually.

When single you kind of become a whole family to yourself playing all roles on the inside at various times as needed to get by.

If one is not single, or has never been single for extended periods of time with no hope of meeting another, than I doubt what was just written will make much sense.

I've been to busy lately to take any portrait 'art' of self and or others...just way to busy.

And in different mindset.

Here's what I notice

1. When happy and content, portrait art comes easy, but when troubled and stressed, very hard to get into portrait art mood.


Taking pictures of self, in different modes, characters, is actually an exercise in happiness and joy, for you have to be happy, confident in self and joyful to 'let go', and wade into different fictional characters of self.

Like models who pose before a camera, one has to 'let go' in order to do that.

The model could have just left home with stressful situation going on, but once on set has to 'let go' and be that which is delightful.

Average day to day people aren't use to doing that.

To 'smile' on camera, when on the inside really crying, takes skill and practice, and some feel like you're lying when do that.

So others, instead of fake smiling, simply work the crying into portrait.

Underworld 'Art', abstract art, goes on all the time, but only .0001% of it, them, us, ever get noticed.

Most simply 'steal' our ideas, and turn it mainstream for a while.

But others of us, day to day types, out here in the back alley of real life, cope and deal with this dual life or expression daily.

We get zero credit, others barrow, but to insecure to 'thank'....

But we make it OK, for those in main stream of pop culture, to do what they do, never forget us back alley forgotten types, please never forget us...thanks..

Shat your mouth before I beat you up, you punk!!


Me = OK, Mr Macho person I didn't mean to get out of line, I do apologize.

I will tear your guts out you punk!



Me = Why?...why are you so mean to me???

I just want to live in peace...I'm sorry if I upset you.

I give away a lot of stuff for free, intellectual property for free, images for free, but yet when go on google and type in image search, you get stuff stamped with 'shutter stock'.

I've always resisted commercializing my images, but where has that gotten me?
No where fiscally.

There comes a time in life where you gotta start worrying about your own interests, and stop trying to 'be down' with this invisible class of people who could give a crap about you or your future.

Art helps me to deal and cope with stuff

As you may of read elsewhere on here, my old computer is gone, and all the files in it, all the pictures and videos ect and more, I spilled liquid on it last night.

So yes, I got new device now, but it saddens me the 'art' that is gone forever other than that which I've stored 'online', or that which I stored on memory sticks, thank goodness I had the wit of mind to do that.

But there's still a lot of other things that are gone forever...like when I email people I save or saved images I may of sent, of self, places, object to make a point, ect, now all that's gone...and just so many other files and pictures you accumilate over the years on any device, it's all gone, no more, unless I have computer tech retrieve it...not to mention all the 'programs' I had, but the first program I just bought again was my video editor and screen shot stuff, why?...cause it is through 'art' that I remain sane..(not literally, but you know what I mean)

Art is therapy to me, like how creating or playing music is to a musician.

And yes, my art does tend to be a bit self focused, but it allows me 'range', and I need that 'range' to stay sane, to 'act out' or 'play out', and to allow all the sides within me to live and express selves.

So the first thing I gotta do to restore self is to start creating art again, so I can breathe.

This newer computer though is totally 'clean' and it's fast, but also has no moving parts, it's what sales person pitched to me, but silly me did not think to ask if it had a DVD player which it does not..so can only use external player once I order one.

But right now I'm just tired and wore out from yesterday...and then for next 3 days will be wore out from work, yuk.

I really wanna take a whole year off soon..I remember when a hobbit, how adults back then would often take 'sabbaticals', teachers often did that where they'd just take a whole year off, to travel, stay home, relax, and just find self again.

I think soon I will do the same, once I save up a bit more, that's the key is to save up so you're not thinking about money while off.

But I need, want, a whole year off while it still matters, while I'm still young enough to care, why should I work until old or drop without taking some time off for self?

Cause obviously I'm never going to have some 'Clark Howard' or 'Dave Ramsey' cushy type of retirement,..if anything I'll be living under a bridge or some old abandoned rail car.

So why not take a full year off to just relax, find self, explore other things.

I don't know, but do see myself doing this within a year or less, once I get savings back bumped up a bit.

I mean whether I take year off or not, the end result of work is still going to be poverty, so who am I fooling anymore, myself?

Anyways, just had to get that off of my mind.

I wish I could erase the second part of yesterday...

What story do you see here?