Cross Identity therapy section

Shane

Therapist- Do you identify as male or female?

patient- When in public, society expects me to identify as a male, so I comply, but when alone, I identify as all and everything, and anything that allows me to get through whatever internal moment I'm going through

Therapist- Do you see yourself as a cross dresser?

patient- No, rather I see myself as stretching the bounderies of my own birth gender, I have no desire to physically become a woman.

Therapist- Didn't mean to interrupt, continue please

patient- Actually, I see myself more in terms of spirit, since in spirit form far longer than in physical body form. I mean if energy never dies, than means I was around, in some form of energy millions of years before born, where gender wasn't relevant, I mean outside of mild rearing, not sure what the purpose of gender is?

Therapist- Very interesting, what do you think you were before being born?

patient- I don't know, and I'm not saying I believe all that, but I do know physical life is very short compared to ultimate age of Universe.

Therapist- When did you first become aware of this more expansive side of self?

patient- Probably as long as since been alive, but kept it hidden away lock and key once you start learning about expected roles, and also

patient- Can I add this?

Therapist- Sure

patient- And also it was a way of me taking back control of my own identity, in that I don't like the way Hollywood, society, have always projected the image of certain males as being mean, bland, ugly and goblin like, so I took back control of my own image, mainly through art though.
Actually, people thinking I'm a goblin, in real life, actually works as a shield and protects my softer inner side, I suppose.

Therapist- Thanks for sharing that, and that will conclude this session

To be continued, in that many more questions need to be asked and answered

Females scare me, with their fake azz behavior.

Earth, or this realm is not for you then, cause on Earth, at least with humans, all is fake, all identity's based on myth, lies, falsehoods and insecurity's.

You landed on the wrong planet pal or gal.

I see even other people as having cross identities and always morphing and changing

Begin session

Patient - I get very confused in how I perceive others

Therapist - Explain

Patient - For instance when I see younger W males, I see graceful females instead
Yet when I see most urban B females, I see B males dressed in drag.

Therapist - What about W women, when you see them what comes to mind?

Patient - Women who are calm and sane, until don't get their way

Therapist - What about B men, what do you see when you look upon B men or males?

Patient - When younger, do to coming from small college town, I always saw B males as being wise and very smart responsible Fathers, or Teachers, Professors and more. But after relocating to more urban areas, I now fear most 'B' males initially on sight, if younger.

Therapist - How do you react to gay males?

Patient - With ease and comfort in that gay males don't threaten me in the least bit, and seem more civilized and tame, at least while in public

Therapist - What about Lesbian females, how do you react or perceive them?

Patient - Could care the less, although Lesbians seem to be drawn to me for some reason

Therapist - You're soxually frustrated, why?

Patient - Because that which I'm suppose to be attracted to I'm not, at least not anymore

Therapist - Please do explain

Patient - For instance take 'B' women, I use to think I was attracted to them, but as got older and 'lust' begin to wane a bit, I started noticing small things about their chosen external styles that just begin to turn me off

Therapist - Please do explain

Patient - OK for one, their feet, B women seem to neglect taking care of their feet, or don't know how to. I can't be attracted to any women who's feet are more unkept than my own, that's a turn off, just like I'm turned off by women who have hands rougher than my own.
Now if I'm a male and can still manage to take care of my feet, then there's no excuse for a B women to not do the same which tells me they don't know how to which = stupid to me

Or that it never occurs to them that feet are apart of the over all package of soxual attraction. And that fact that most B females don't get this makes me feel their a lapse of judgement in the brain somewhere.

Therapist - Hmm

Patient - W women on the other hand, or at least a larger %, do seem to value their feet way more than B women, it just seems to be more in the W general culture to 'take care of they feet', where as in the B female culture it seems to be 'feet, what are those, oh, you mean those crusty chappy things at the bottom of my legs?'

Even younger W males have softer, better kept feet than most B females, and this frustrates me cause I want to be attracted to women, not W males with soft feet, I'm so confused Doc

Therapist - I see, go on

Patient - I just wish I could design my own human mate, I mean I love the soft hands of younger W males, where as women, with long nails scare me, and have since I've been a mild, I've never been attracted to hands with long nails, that grosses me out whether on a female and is tripple freaky when a male has long nails, which is super extra gross to me.

Are done?

Therapist - Yes, we'll pic this up later

I grew up around Whites Doc

Patient- I grew up around whites Doc, from age 3 on up, so my first impressions were of whites, my first glimpse of feet, (other than my own and or family members) were of whites.

I still remember being in like the 1st grade? and W friend inviting me over, and I instantly had crush on their sister, and her glowing white soft feet, that image still embedded in my memory, I must of been 6-7 at the time, but bodies chemistry still reacted to my friends sister, who was probably 10?, like visiting the Brady Bunch family or something.

I thrived and prospered mentally when living among white folks, was there racism?, sure, but for whatever reason they hid it from me...

I think I remember one time, as a youth 2-3 grade, where one of my W friends told me to 'stop here', their parents don't allow 'people of color into their home'...yet I did not feel offended in the least bit, if anything I saw their parents as being 'weird or odd', not 'myself'.

It was actually other people of color, and or B people who begin to break down my self confidence and remind me how little I mattered, and how 'they saw me', but yet 'they' never expressed any of this, and that's how it begins, that's how other peoples wounds are spread to others, generationally , is through 'whispers'.

'Well B people are this, well W people are that, Hey, don't you know Indians do this, or greengos do that, hey those Mexican believe this' and so forth.

Even to this day I get along with most W people way better than I do your average urban bred B person who seems to have mentality of 5th grader perminately wedged in their head.

(at least on the street level)

I just don't understand and am not culturely connected to Southern bred B folks.
I don't get their music, their clothing styles, their mentality or anything.

But I do get along with non racist Southern whites, and I do get along with non Southern B with no or zero connection to the South.

Doc, I'm basically a social misfit for the above reasons.

Gay folks don't like me, cause although I tolerate them, and even think they can be cool, since I don't promote that lifestyle, they get turned off.

B folks don't like me cause I act, behave, to proper, they can't relate to me dialect, at least not in the South, they're to dense to realize it's them that are still speaking the slave language with all that broken English BS.

W women like me, but because I don't act 'B' enough they don't know what to do with me, in that most W women who want a B male or person of color want you to fit all the stereotypes.

Lesbians dig me, but what good is that?

Mexicans tend to like me, for whatever reason, at least the ones I've met in the past.
And ethnic white types like me, like Italians, ect.

Jews?...not sure.

Islanders?, they tend to like me for whatever reason.

Africans?...again not sure.

Animals?...animals adore me

Most people, in fact, adore me after they get to know me, but the thing is I have to absorb so much of their stuff, crap, in order to get to that point that it's like wearing me out.

I have to put up with their comments, misconceptions, stereotypes and more, I have to be patient, understand their fears and more, so that after 3 days to 1 month, they finally realize I'm vertually an angel.

But why can't they realize that 1 minute after meeting?

OK, I'm done Doc, thanks for listening

Examination





Examination

Why do you always hide?



Examiner - Why do you always hide?

Patient - Cause I'm ugly and people are mean.