That spot...

In a odd spot again

In a odd spot again, some where between content, happy, and a bit relieved, but not fully of each.

Yesterday night, all weekend, a dreaded today, but today worked itself out.

It just did some how...I kept going forward, and the day just worked itself out.

Worried all weekend for nothing I suppose, you would think after a while we'd learn not to worry, it's so easy to tell others not to worry, but hard to tell self not to worry.

Sometimes I think I've forgotten how to be happy and relax.

I use to know how, use to know how it felt to actually anticipate tomorrow, use to keep calendar and mark days off in anticipation for ect, vacation, school letting out, date, and so forth.

When younger the future seemed a lot friendlier.

Amazing how a alligator, lobster, shark, can live so long yet never think a few minutes, or maybe seconds past it's current existence.

They never think about tomorrow, or what just occurred 10 seconds earlier.

And is why they, animals, don't start wars, or hold grudges, or seek revenge, at least not that we know.

Elephants do, I mean sure animals can remember things on sight, but when that thing is out of sight, they don't 'worry' about it.

Then again maybe not, I do know dogs often anticipate their owners arrival.

Anyways, I guess part of the privilege of being human is being able to take in more while alive.

But none of it matters a pile of beans if when dead there's nothing to go onto.

If dogs black out at death, and humans do also, than really there's no difference.

I mean if there's no after life for man, than man is no more special than a turtle, and it won't have mattered a pile of beans that man was more intelligent than a horse, if in the end there's nothing.

That spot

That spot when you feel so demeaned by man, the human race, that you don't care who or what touches you or cares to show affection towards you, other wordly or not.

That spot when you close your eyes, and lay down at night, the only type of being you think is capable of loving you, liking you, holding you, looks like this.



When you're less fearful of a creature like this than you are of the dark nature of man.

The dark nature of man is truly horrifying and scary, regardless of the type of flesh it resides behind.

You get to that spot in your life where the only thing that matters, the only thing you need is money.

Why?

Cause money is like a magic wonder, it accerlerates all and anything you want and need now, to succeed, or be content.

You get to that spot, where you're tired of 'tap dancing' for others, for a wage, and just want 'the money'.

You get to that point where you realize there's not enough 'tap dancing' time left on planet for you to ever aquire what you want.

Your body will just grow old and tired before tap dancing for others will give you good return.

That spot when you just want to break something, as long as what you break is not yours.

That lazy spot

That lazy content spot, where you just don't feel like doing anything, where you just kind of give up trying to be anything, and instead sit back, relax and eat.

Where you just stop caring about getting ahead, as long as your minimums are met.

Not sure if that's a good or bad spot to be in, I mean after all isn't that the 'spot' many wealthy types strive for?

That spot

That spot when all you want, need, is a hug, but instead you get zapped



A hug is all I need right now, but even a hug seems a million miles away.

I feel like I'm in a bad spot right now.

1. Job just changed schedule, so much so don't want to work there anymore.

2. Haven't quite saved up enough money to feel comfortable making a move

3. New people just moved in next door, don't know if they'll be loud or what, cause loud will drive me insane and make things even worse.

I'm just tired of bending my life for certain jobs, as if management is 'gods', they are not my gods, nor is their 'will' once their 'will' begins to effect my physical and mental health, status and vitality.

I don't wake up to serve anyone, let alone corporate management types.

Yes, of course I need a income, but unlike others, I do have limits on how my labor is used, at this stage of life and work history.

I know what makes me happy, and I have zero reason to work a schedule that I know will further isolate me, and have a toll on my health.

Just not a overnight type, the time to sleep is from 3-7 am, jobs where you're awake and plow through those hours, well look at how quickly such people age, and see how they'll look when near retirenment age, if they even make it that long.

My health comes first, not some paycheck..

So yes, I'm a bit stressed right now cause I already know I'm going to quit...and people I work for told us they'd understand if some left because new schedule is not what we signed up for, it changed suddenly do to people way way up the ladder of control.

Bottom line..'Make more money for us!', they say up top, run this dangerous overnight schedule, who cares what effects it'll have on your health'..they say.

To them, people like me aren't even alive, we're just dots, small tiny dots born to serve them.

Well not me, sorry, but not born to serve anyone, not anymore, older and wiser now.

And will not work a schedule or job that I already know will hurt my health by forcing me to work while I should be sleeping and body healing.

I hope this company goes on to earn trillions of dollars, I could care the less...I just want my proper rest.