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Post by X factor on Jun 25, 2021 10:30:35 GMT -5
For some reason, thinking about, imagining, soft clean white feet, are or is one of the few things, visually, that makes me feel happier and lightens my mood  Clean white feet are like therapy to me. Clean white youthful soft feet, are one of the few things that soothe me, and remind me of a past that actually made sense.
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Post by X factor on Aug 8, 2021 22:33:10 GMT -5
One errant thought and....
Can be having a decent day, and all it takes is one errant or stray thought to hurl you into a depressive state of mind.
Or just hearing something on the news, or getting or even not getting a phone call, whatever it may be, the balance between happy and sad can be ever so thin at times, is why so have to guard ones thoughts as best as one can.
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Post by X factor on Sept 15, 2021 5:56:49 GMT -5
Depression to me is waking up in the morning, having the whole day before you, and having to pretend that any of it even matters.
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Post by X factor on Nov 6, 2021 19:31:55 GMT -5
A very depressing day for me, very much so, but I think it's more of a post alcohol fueled type of depression.
Drinking after work, then getting emotionally charged about stuff, real life stuff, social media stuff, it just all added up, to much at once I guess, that whole 'peak' thing, then next day feels like fell off a emotional cliff.
Who hasn't had that effect, but today's effect or 'down', just feels extra deep.
Been lulling around all day, it's cold out, I feel 'stuck', like I haven't the power to effect change in my own life anymore.
It's like I just don't have the energy, the drive, to effect positive change, or to move.
When younger, moving wasn't so scary to me, now it's terrifying.
In the past you could start fresh, now days everything follows you around do to internet, last job, and so forth.
And pay is still low in many fields, yet inflation driving the price of everything up, including rent.
I just don't know what to do anymore, don't have the 'love' in my life to motivate me to 'fight' for anything anymore.
I just feel like crap right now, what a waste of a perfectly good day, do to my poor mood, do to how my body feels after drinking yesterday.
Not in pain or anything, rather just feel like spirit, inner spirit, has been sucked out.
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Post by X factor on Nov 7, 2021 1:08:57 GMT -5
Today felt sad to me
Today just felt sad to me, I could not escape the sadness feeling.
No doubt it's my own fault, cause I do believe body responds to what we put in it.
I drank yesterday evening, and probably ate something, stuff, bad combo of food, who knows, that just altered body chemistry and had me feeling sad all day long, and still am.
Our bodies are so complex, chemicals, so much has to be operating right for us to feel good, that we take for granted until don't.
So with that, will wind night down with a movie, a scary one, this one, but I doubt it's any good, we'll see.
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Post by X factor on Dec 4, 2021 11:25:14 GMT -5
Don't give sadness or depression your heart.
And don't expect sympathy from a 'god' that that has never liked, let alone loved you.
I know that sounds harsh, but when realize an ice to be true, you will wake up.
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Post by X factor on Dec 7, 2021 14:47:14 GMT -5
I have fallen into a odd type of depression, it's not so much of a sadness based depression as it is a 'mood' based on, or lack of a mood at all.
It's as if spirit, that inner spirit of drive has just been sucked out, it's as if hallow now in the inside, a car without a engine so to speak.
And not sure what to do about it, I drink coffee, then have energy, but no spirit or drive behind that energy, it's the oddest sensation, to have energy, but no drive behind the energy.
It's as if just have given up, seems you complete one hurdle, then find out there's 3 more you have to do to really get where you want, then get there, and there's 2 more hurdles and so forth.
When people work in teams, or have strong families, decent friends, no one person ever has to take on all the hurdles alone, but when alone you do...and seems to be no end or relief in sight.
Seems I get just as far sitting and doing nothing that I do by trying.
And seems the only folks in my circle of life are clueless to how to help you.
No one ever gives me anything, not encouragement, not ever a hug, nothing.
If you try to sell a book or online stuff, no one near you buys it, with successful people it's always those closest to them that help promote them and so forth.
I've been cursed to be surrounded by dead end type of people, cursed I tell ya.
I don't know what to do about any of it anymore, which maybe explains why my inner spirit is just dead now.
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Post by X factor on Dec 7, 2021 15:00:16 GMT -5
The thing is, I hate feeling like this cause I know it does me absolutely no good, almost like if a tree falls in the forest does anyone hear it?
When you suffer alone, there's no one there to respond, so it's a waste of time and energy to be sad, down and depressed, cause no one cares, so the only person you're hurting with your down mood is 'self'.
No one else is effected by your inner down mood other than self, so why hurt self?
Why not help self instead by making self feel better.
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Post by X factor on Dec 8, 2021 16:33:56 GMT -5
The depression I had yesterday just kind of rolled over into today as well, even though had the day off...didn't matter, was still depressed in spirit.
I did drink last night though, and had some Jim Bean Burbon, in the really small bottle, and beer.
So a part of how 'ugg' I feel or felt was a bit alcohol induced, but regardless, my spirit is still down for some reason.
Cause you spirit can be up, and you can drink, and you body may feel bad but you're still happy on the inside.
But when both body and spirit are down, not many places to go, so I'm having a few beers, why?
Cause have to work tomorrow, and would rather spend last evening of freedom feeling a bit chirpy, than to go onto the night feeling like I feel now.
Once at work won't matter how I feel, if going to feel bad, would rather feel bad while at work than when at home.
But I do hope my mood changes soon cause I don't like feeling this way.
I've heard in the past it can sometimes have to do with less sunlight during the day, since now seems the sun is gone by 5 pm.
Who knows.
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Post by X factor on Jan 9, 2022 20:21:41 GMT -5
To much TV watching actually makes me depressed, cause you're watching other people accomplish stuff, supporting them by watching, even though they're already rich and successful.
So to sit there and just watch stuff on TV, watch people who are getting paid to perform, who don't know you, could care the less about you, me, the viewer, after a while just gets a bit depressing to me.
to waste an hour watching other people perform, some of whom are dead, as in re runs, while still haven't accomplished own goals in life, that just depresses me at times, not all the times, just some of the time.
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Post by X factor on Feb 14, 2022 0:40:46 GMT -5
Sometimes I just need to watch odd, funny, content like this to make me not feel so depressed
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Post by X factor on Feb 14, 2022 0:44:07 GMT -5
Sometimes I just need to watch odd, funny, content like this to make me not feel so depressed |
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Post by X factor on Feb 25, 2022 23:18:57 GMT -5
Don't share your dreams or thoughts with average people, cause they'll just bury them for you.
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Post by X factor on Mar 16, 2022 10:31:07 GMT -5
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Post by X factor on Mar 21, 2022 17:51:15 GMT -5
I think what it is is that I need a victory, a clear cut victory, that's why my moral has been down lately, and it's effecting my energy level as well.
I realize now I need a real life victory, I need success, cause nothing will restore my confidence more than success.
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