Alcohol...the Seductive trap...

Hello from the drinker who gets a bit nutty when drunk.

I need to stop, I want to stop, but everytime I do stop for a few days, usually do to work, after one or two days, mainly like around 3-4 pm, when all the coffee, tea 'high', has wore off, then lonliness sets in, and that's what gets me just about every time, loneliness.

When lonely, nothing matter, not Jesus, not salvation, not right or wrong, and sometimes not even your health....when lonely, the only thing that matters to that person who is lonely is to not feel lonely.
And if alone, alcohol is the quickest, legal route, to not feeling lonely or alone.

So, I'm not sure how to overcome that other than to stay super busy I guess, volunteer my time maybe...I don't know.
Oh well, sober now, worked today, work the next 2 days.

Drinking also makes you paranoid and bold or stupid.
I kept seeing a black SUV parked out in lot where I park, I left, came back, it was still there...so I pulled up right next to it, thinking someone was spying on me, and it turned out to be a undercover or I should say a cop, in a unmarked car patrolling the parking lot.

That could of gone real bad, but thankfully they were understanding, after they stepped out of their vehicle.

Short, country boy looking type of dude, but they made sure I saw their gun...and credentials.

But that's what I mean, when drunk, you, or I, tend to do stupid things that could go either way.

Anyways I'm in now, long dull, mundane day of work...repositioned my porch security cam.

Everyone should have security cams these days...so many crimes could be solved, people identified, ect.

Especially if in the hood areas...if people can afford 100 dollar shoes, they can afford security system in place, as in cameras.

Well, it's been up and down, kicking off new sobriety campaign, which has been in effect since Thursday, the first week is always the hardest, get through that first week and it gets easier from there.

First your energy starts coming back, then all the pain associated with drinking begins to go away, nerve pain, and or other odd body aches caused by the damage alcohol causes to small nerve endings.

Which, I've learned, even if stop drinking booze, caffeine can also irritate.

Bottom line, stop drinking and a lot of issues just begin to go away and fall by the way side.

But then just like clock work, the 'devil' will approach you, your life, through others, another, or a situation, to try to stress you out into drinking again....be careful of that and be on guard.

I feel much better today, since not having a drink in about a week.
Even though I have to work, my over all mental health, attitude, and outlook is a bit better than last week at this time.

Drinking simply tears the body and mind down, especially as one ages.
When younger, one doesn't notice that since when younger the body is always building itself back better, but as one ages, that 'build back better' process slows down, and so drinking has a harder effect on the body, as does working out, everything does.

Anyways, the day is still young, I feel OK, but not to say once I leave the place something can't or won't derail that feeling OK state of mind.

Sometimes when sober, I wonder if I even want to live a long healthy life, or if I'd rather go out sick, stoned and drunk.

Your moods can really play tricks with you when trying to sober up...and or not drink for long periods of time.

Right now, I struggle with trying to be happy, feel hopeful and optimistic, while sober.

When you feel slightly wasted, even when sober and haven't drank in nearly a week.