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Post by X factor on Aug 25, 2024 20:20:41 GMT -5
Just got back from a in the dark, ride my bike up and down the sidewalk workout...felt pretty good, all things considered... Since not drinking tonight, or in last few days, and hopefully longer, I gotta keep myself busy... But just sitting in place all day on computer doesn't cut it. I have to go out and burn some calories or I get depressed, sitting around all day just makes me depressed, and doesn't fill the void alcohol would.
The thing about drinking is I'm very active while actually drinking, it's once I go to bed that the down side begins, the terrible feeling the next day that just lingers and lingers, and effects your mood, your moral, your outlook on life...and even your health.
But while in the moment of drinking, I'm pretty active, most are, but it's fueled by booze, like fake energy I suppose...and at the same time flushing out all your nutrients is probably why you feel so terrible the next day.
Nutrients, I suspect, also support our moods, I mean sure they do, everything about us is bio-chemical, so why wouldn't they.
Anyways, more constructive things to do than write on here where so few even read other than bots, or ad bots, or google bots or Russians. What is it with Russians and forum sites like this? Although lately, no one comes around here no more cause it's a place no one is used to...they, you, check it out, get freaked out, and run back to FB or X or instagram or other mainstream places. That's fine...I've come to like the quiet feel of this place.
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Post by X factor on Aug 25, 2024 21:48:27 GMT -5
Sobriety can be one scary ride, if not used to it
Sobriety can be one scary ride, for sure, if not used to it, and you realize what a shaky foundation of supposed friends, even family, and or future you've created for yourself.
Once sober, you have to decide how to make things right again, one corrective decision at a time.
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Post by X factor on Aug 30, 2024 22:23:19 GMT -5
It's Friday night and I'm working out instead of drinking, and for my age, any age, I feel pretty decent. I think sobriety is winning, at least for now. I haven't set any sobriety records yet, not even close.
Also, not having a job I hate helps, not having any job, helps... Going back to work could ruin this run, cause hating what you do makes you want to drink when off on the weekends or evenings....it really does.
And working a job you hate can get you out of shape quick if it effects your outlook on life, or if a OTR driver spending hours, days, away from home on the road eating junk food, death food, that crap out there is terrible for you....the sugary drinks, everything, the chips, all of it...death food.
Anyways, between reps, let me finish up this workout.
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Post by X factor on Sept 5, 2024 16:26:35 GMT -5
When I drink, I feel so bold, confident, assured of myself, then for the next day or two after, I feel so very small and frail and emotionally fragile.
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Post by X factor on Sept 7, 2024 19:39:41 GMT -5
I notice that when drunk, it's much easier to entertain myself when I'm alone all by myself.
When I'm drunk, I'm never bored, yet when sober, and alone, I notice I get bored and not able to entertain myself nearly as much when alone.
Like it's Saturday night right now...if I were drunk, well, who knows, but one thing for sure I wouldn't be feeling bored and a bit vacant on the inside.
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I could start drinking and get drunk right now, if I chose...even have 2 cans of beer in place, and a tiny bit of liquor...but I'm choosing not to, for some reason. It's not easy though, cause you only get one Saturday night per week, and only one on this particular date in time and history....I could drink, get drunk, and play with myself, so to speak, or I can continue to sit here agonizing over feeling bored and unmotivated.
Even the 'to do list', seems boring when I'm sober.
Don't get me wrong, I have energy, but totally lack motivation right now...maybe that's the result of being single, not having a family, or friends, or anyone I'm attracted to right now.
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Post by X factor on Sept 7, 2024 19:40:52 GMT -5
I mean if it was booze that was motivating me to do all the stuff I did over the last decade, then, well, now what? If not drinking, or choosing not to, than what will motivate me going forward?
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Post by X factor on Sept 7, 2024 19:44:35 GMT -5
I'm not drinking right now, cause I like how I look when I don't drink. My face looks better to me, looks healthier, and I look younger when I stop drinking.
If I looked ugly to self right now in the mirror, I'd probably drink....but I'm borderline.
I mean I guess there are plenty of people who don't drink, who still look ugly.
I need to take a bike ride or something...I can't just sit in this room all night, I'll go nuts. But it's Sat night...gotta be careful on those streets after dark these days.
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