X factors blog and journal...

For someone who's been married, or in a relationship forever...suddenly becoming single would seem like 'bliss'...a new fresh start.

For someone who has been single forever, being in a relationship suddenly, would seem like 'bliss'...a new fresh start.

Funny how that works...

I want to write about something...but not sure how...

DNA is what's on my mind right now...



People, and the different genetic make up of induvisuals...(animals and insect and trees too).

Sometimes I wonder if different creators did not create different life on earth.

When Jesus was on the planet, he never spoke of creating all people, like Africans, Indians, even northern Europeans, ect ect.

And in the old testament, 'God' seemed hostile to other cultures that intruded on Israel's land.

(More for their practices, than ethnicity).

The God of the bible, at least in the old testament, just seemed very select on whom it showed favor towards, as if everyone else was strangers.

Then Jesus was born, grew up, started ministry, and proclaimed salvation for everyone, irregardless of ethnicity or culture.

But the old testament 'God' didn't really seem like that.

Some say all mankind came out of Africa...and even some say from Africans period...

But how and why would such a radical gene code split occur like that, like a window of random diversity, and then just as quickly stop?

From Dark skinned Africans, how would you get Asians, Indians, Europeans, Polonesians... and so forth?

It really doesn't make sense...nor does all the languages spoken...different tongues spoken by people who even live on same continent, like in Europe.

Greek language, Italian, German, English, French, and yet the countries over there are like states here...close together...yet you don't see someone from Idaho speaking, evolving a completely different language than folks in Montana.

It makes no sense...the way we're thought to think about it.

To me, things seem deliberate rather than random...like things, people, were created certain ways on purpose.

I don't think evolution or standard orthodox religion, explains why things are they way they are.

Something tells me it was done deliberately by a creator or creators...

Hello...

Not really in writing mood.

I got a bit wild last night...online type of wild, letting emotions out type of wild...
So tonight I'm calm, and going to bed early.

No politics, no nothing.
Just want to lay down, while watching scary movie.

The older I get, and the more of the world I examine, the less I sometimes think, observe, induvisuals really matter to 'god'.

I read headlines where 90 people drown in over turned Ferry boat, or 8 killed in house fire or 13 injured in Freeway car pile up.

Or I read about refugees fleeing one country, to get to another, people living in desert, totally vunerable, some dying while trying to flee or relocate...

I look at their problems, the enormity of other issues.
And I think to myself at time 'If 'god' or the, a 'supreme nice being' can't, doesn't hear the prayers of villagers crossing dessert, why should this supreme being give a darn about anything I go through?

In America, people are taught to pray about real silly miniscule things...some typical middle class prayers...

1. 'Oh lord, which TV set should I purchase'...

2. 'Dear lord, what college should I go to?...

3. 'Oh dear god, please help me pass this test, even though I didn't study'...

Mean while, across the globe, a family of 5 are destroyed by Taliban raiders...

Across the world in Sudan, villiage ramsacked, villagers broken up and traded, sold as slaves...

Are they not human to?
Do they not feel pain and anquish?

Of course they do...

As such, at times, it don't make sense to me, or maybe it does, but the truth is just not very comforting.

It's more comforting to believe, convince ourselves, that we're just unconditionally 'Loved' by this super nice supreme being, than to tell ourselves everything is just random.

Or maybe indeed some, for whatever reasons, are actually looked out for, cared for, by 'Angelic beings'.

Unfortunatly on google, most images of angels resemble blonde haired women with big busts....

Which automatically tells you who creates most of the images.

Angels and or spirit beings should not be re-created in the soxual lust of the artist.
Basically pin up models with wings.

That's no angel, not even close.

But that's what man does, recreates 'god' and angels in own DNA image.
It's more than predictable and expected from man.

A true spirit being would not reflect any gender, or ethnic group.

But who's true anymore about anything...
Sorry, got distracted by some outside stuff...

Sometimes I think I would fit in much better in a place like Philadelphia, PA...

I've been there a few times, and just found the populace much more colorful than where I stay now.
I never lived there though.
It's one thing to visit, another thing to have to find residence, move in, and get neighbors.

I just know I need a change soon, career wise, location wise, relationship wise, something has to give soon.
Then again, often times our minds form images of places based on vague memories...and in real life it's never like that.

In your mind, you can control how people look, act and behave...but in real life you cannot.

I miss seasonal changes, when Xmas time actually had meaning, you could feel it, weather got cold, people got romantic.
And in the miserable cold and snow, folks depend on each other more.
It's like the cuddling effect.

Even criminals tend to chill out a bit, when weather becomes life or death.

Philly as it relates to the following peoples in my mind...

1. Blacks...a generic term, the further away from SE you get, the broader the definition becomes, or the more people fit or fall into that umbrella term.

When I was in Philly, I found the 'blacks' (of various colors and shades, yet of African ancestry) to just be way more cultural, than SE blacks...way more broad.
Many sound like Italians when they speak...or other ethnic groups, or just simply the NE accent.

Blacks in the North East or like whites were to me in the Pacific NW...just more culturally open to ideas and styles, more willing to explore different concepts.

At least when I was there last...I know things change...

The neighborhoods I was in were all mixed...immigrants, blacks, jews, Irish shop owners, middle eastern shop owners, everyone living in close proximity...so everyone was open. It's hard to explain...but when you live around others, you don't form odd stereotypes.

Crime is associated with all up there, and not just 'blacks' like in the SE...
When I was up there...I did not feel stereotyped, not by anyone of any color.

2. Whites, another generic embrella term...I found the white population to be very diverse also...ethnic...still speaking the accent ancesters did when they came over from Italy or Spain or England or France or Russia.
People don't realize that 'whites' are ethnic also...

It's just most from the midwest, or south, associate white with kind of a bland standard, no accent, no culture outside of pop culture, or southern colonial culture.

And true, many have shed ancestreal past identities and have become the 'American Standard'...
But in the North East, you still get to hear those with ethnic accents...and I love it...cause it's like you're in a movie or something.

Every one tends to sound like some character you heard in a movie.

3. And then everyone else from Puerto Ricans to middle easterners to Asians to mixed...
When I was up there I just found it all interesting.

It's hard to be prejudice when everyones a different shade or two from the next.

But again...it's easy for me to re-construct some ideal view of philly in my mind.
We do it all the time when we want to escape.

I'm sure if I spoke with someone who lived there...they'd give a totally different view of the place...in fact maybe I'll link a few articles about the city...one sec...



According to this link by Michael Talor...I was dead on with the diversity aspect...but it was written in 2006, some 7 years ago.

But it still kind of reflects what I remember of the city.

But housing is the true test of a cities nature...how are people housed.
Are they seperated by color, ethnicity, income...that's the true test...

If you move there, if not rich, will you have to live in the projects, or near by?
If you're black, or person of color, can you live in a nicer place, without being harraced?

Or if you're white, or light skinned, can you live in a place dominated by Asians, and not be harraced?

Or Jewish ect...that's the true test of the nature of a city...cause of course commercial districts are always international and friendly...it's the neighborhood arraingments that really tell how a city is.

Anyhow...think I'll get on Craigslist and see what adds are like up there...apt prices, housing, jobs ect...

Celebrities totally take for granted the fact that they're admired by millions...

Many go through life never being admired by anyone.

Even while in school, many of us take, took, for granted when someone had a 'crush' on us...maybe cause they weren't 'attractive' enough, or of wrong social crowd ect.

But the older you get, the more you realize how special and rare someone having a crush on you is.

Many grow up thinking the admiration they received by some, will continue throughout life, and sadly it doesn't, unless a celebrity of some sort.

But most just don't come home to surprise flowers, or secret love messages.
The feeling of having someone adore you should never be taken for granted, cause we never know when the last time it could happen.

If someone adores you, just simply enjoy it for what it is, and they will appreciate it much.

My mood right now??



It's frustrating when you know, and see, but can't do nothing to change what you know, and see.

Unless you're connected, have wealth and power, there doesn't seem to be a whole lot you can do about what you know and see...when what you know and see is wrong.

Like for example...

1. Needing to walk into a corporation and fire 80% of staff for being lazy slackers.

2. Needing to walk into a Union ran organization, and letting 80% of the slackers go, who in turn hold up others from prospering.

3. Knowing that Government contractors over charge tax payers for projects by at least 50 to 70% every time...yet no one says anything about it Dem or Rep.

4. Knowing that this nation is way to over regulated, knowing that over regulation and fees prevents many average folks from starting up businesses.

5. Knowing, but not being able to do anything about the fact that the tax code is way to complicated for the average person to deal with or understand.

6. Knowing the Jacksonville Jaguars should of hired Tim Tebow, yet do to arrogance, are now 0-7 for the year...

7. Knowing there are people who are much less passionate, and creative than you are, yet for whatever reasons, have landed jobs and careers that put them on easy street, and you can barely get a job selling Ice-cream.

8. Knowing your life, your energy, down here on earth, is limited, fading...realizing you will not go on forever, at least in the flesh...and wishing, hoping, that you could accomplish more, and could, if not for financial barriers.

9. Seeing people who lie, and are ruthless get ahead, while you are kind, honest, and loyal, and only seem to get stepped on.

10. And ten is for you to add your own to the list.

Barriers, everywhere...barriers beyond your control.

You start off the day enthused, just to run into barriers, created by others, created by society



Barriers beyond your control could be something as simple as RR crossing arms going down, holding you up for 20 minutes, which makes you miss appointment for day, with effects others who needed you to deliver package ect.

Or the barrier could come in the form of other peoples laziness on the job, un enthused workers who work so slow that it holds you up all day.

Peoples attitudes can also be barriers...someone just making life hard on you cause they don't like you, won't promote you, won't give you a raise, and talks down about you to supervisors.

Or another barrier could be a bank refusing to give you a loan, a loan you need to get ahead, just that one break, to buy equipment, or open shop or hair salon or floral store...you simply need that start up money and the Bank keeps saying 'No!'...

Or realizing that you would have to live 300 years or more, as a hourly worker, in order to earn the amount of money, some earn in less than a year, in order to achieve wealth.

But in actuality, even if one lives to be 70 only about 40 of those years or productive, pound it out, money making years...at least for the labor class....the investor class can continue earning money even if in a coma.

But for those who only get paid what their labor produced for that day, it's different.

Life is short, time is short...everyone wants to achieve something before it's gone...some have barriers, others just don't seem to.

Even our own stupid decisions can be barriers...drug addiction can be a barrier...bad choice in a lover or relationships, can be a barrier.

Sometimes just being born unto a country where there is no freedom, can be a big barrier.
It's like everyone is given hundreds of barriers to over come...and you just try to get over, through, as many as you can before you run out of energy, or the will to even try....

And that concludes this post...

I still feel 'off'...

Off kilter or something...after the previous 3 days...the schedual has thrown me 'off'...my mood has changed...

I feel 'stripped'...

Stripped of passion and direction.

Like it was done on purpose...Gateways that control your fate...

Gateways not only control your physical, but they also seem to control your emotions...gateways steer your emotions and outlook...at least temporarily...just depends on how strong willed you are.

People who are strong willed, always find their way back to their own path, people who are not strong willed, are led everywhere.

That's why it's so important to be in control of your life...in control of your schedual.
When others control your schedual, no telling where they'll lead you.


Life would be so much pleasant if certain people would just remain asleep...like sleep for 23 hours a day.
If they would wake up just to eat, use bathroom, then go back to sleep.

Cause when they wake up, all they do is disrupt others...