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Post by X factor on Oct 30, 2013 13:42:50 GMT -5
 Well, lifes about to change in a radical way for me... Like in the movie 'Hyper Cube'...on another blog I had once, I often compared life, life circumstances, to being inside that cube, where other rooms are always shifting around you...and you're forced to move along. Cause if you stay in one room to long, the room will begin to collapse. Same with real life...are circumstances are like being inside a big hypercube. And like in the movie...stay in one room to long and it will collapse, so your forced to move on. And there's really nothing you can do...cause life, your life, the things around you, are always being shaped, forged, by other peoples personalities, egos, moods. And it's shaped by forces beyond our control at times, like the economy or seasonal change. So like in the movie, when the space you're in is about to collapse, you have to move on...you're forced to crawl through doorway and find other opportunities elsewhere or else.  Or else, as is illustrated by this hyper cube and the movie, time ends up falling in on itself, what was the future now becomes the past. Life is odd, hopefully one day we'll find out who was controlling it all... |
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Post by X factor on Oct 30, 2013 17:03:13 GMT -5
 I kind of miss 'nothing'.... But compared to where I'm at now...nothing can be beautiful... A part of me needs to, wants to, go back home... |
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Post by X factor on Oct 31, 2013 2:40:29 GMT -5
Can't sleep right now...listening to 'Coast to Coast' late night radio show with 'George Norri'...  On tonight's show or early morning show, they're talking about Ouija Boards...  Not sure if I'd ever get one of these things... I'll continue this post later...right now I'm listening to the show... |
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Post by X factor on Oct 31, 2013 14:51:40 GMT -5
 Happy Halloween...  I'm not doing anything special tonight, so I figured least I could do is wish everyone else a happy fun, safe, festive Halloween night. Maybe one day I'll once again live in a community, where people are stable, emotionally and financially, and morally stable enough to enjoy Halloween. Around here, forget it...if you walk down street in costume, you'd be lucky to make it home, get tackled, beat up, and or dragged into the bushes... Dressing up in costume where I stay would make some think you were trying to proposition them, they'd be waiting for you down by the liquor store or something... I've lived many places, and so am able to 'contrast' different communities, styles, habits, values, habits and so on. Holidays in some places are just very drab now...not like in the past when families were together...and reunions accord... Every man was married, brought families together on Xmas...Uncles, Aunts...(it's still like that some place, just not here)... Here, most of the males are not married, and or locked up...so it's hard to have holiday get togethers when only females show up, Aunts, and single mothers...and no Dads or Grand dads or uncles... So the holidays tend to be very drab where I stay...same rap music blarring...no xmas music... No joy, no spirit...no sleigh rides on Xmas...nothing, nada...just the same street hardened types begging you for change at corner store. I should probably leave...but that's so risky, expecially to do so alone... If I had companion I'd of been gone...but moving 1000+ miles away alone, is risky...no support or anything...you have to really be strong. Have to start over...people there might not like you, might not be able to get a job. I use to do that kind of stuff all the time... Gee, where's the old me, that would up and leave and take on a challenge in a heartbeat?.... Now I tend to think to much...'what if' scenerios run through my mind all the time now. I've never had use for a medium...and don't believe in using them...  But now's one of those times I really wish I knew what path to go down... Do this, do that or do the other... In my mind, they all seem reasonable...but in reality you just never know...you can make the right decision, and things can still go wrong. And when things go wrong, they can financially ruin you. I could risk all, and leave...but there's no garuntee I'll prosper when I get to where I'm going... Or I can stick it out here, and continue living in a community that I'm at odds with...like a prisoner or something... I'd be more at home in a foreign nation, than where I stay now...I mean what does that say? When your deck is not stacked very high, you just don't have a lot of cards to play with. And belief is God doesn't assure anything...as far as your path... God will simply watch you stumble and fall. Where as it seems a medium will give you advice on how to not stumble and fall. I wonder why God can't talk to us, in literal language, like a medium does? It would be so much more helpful... Reading Palms 20:4 doesn't help me with determining which path is best. Or maybe it does?, I don't know...anyways, happy Halloween... |
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Post by X factor on Nov 2, 2013 17:17:55 GMT -5
Hello... I really miss the feel of living in a small rural farm town...  I really kind of miss this small town elevator grain look...the wide open space of the plains...I miss it a lot. I miss the peace....the wide open space...and the fact that there's virtually no crime in these areas... Everyone has a purpose...the towns are so small that if you don't have a job, there's nothing there for you... So either you're apart of a family, or you leave...or attend college. But there are no slums. Sure folks drink, and can get rowdy, but it's more like Normal Rockwell type of rowdy...rowdy in a polite type of way. At least that's how I remember it...I'm sure many small communities have changed or evolved a bit since I left. Rural life is so much more healthier for you...the people are taller, cause they eat better. No gangs, no housing projects that produce generational miscriants... You just have hardy people who work hard, and who's lives still kind of evolve around the harvest...strawberry festivals, lental festivals, wheat festivals...fall festivals, county fairs, hay rides... Life is good in small areas... I want to move back to a small area and settle down... |
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Post by X factor on Nov 3, 2013 7:33:22 GMT -5
Right now I'm calm, very calm... It's amazing how calm you become when you just unplug your mind from the media...radio, TV, and print. The media is loud, and constantly feeds your mind with junk. When you just unplug, your mind becomes empty, empty of worry, anxiety, fear, anger, and worry. Right now I'm in between zones..like just floating in space or something...  It's amazing the calm you feel, when allowed to detach from things...nothing in, nothing out. It even effects how I write... I write so much, cause I have so much coming in, and simply write to get rid of it, to keep myself calm and clean. But when I temporarly remove myself from the noise...my writing becomes very calm. There becomes little to flush out. So much artifisal noise in our lives...work, traffic, TV, radio, adds, gossip, politics...and there's so very few places you can go now to just relax. Unless on lives out in a rural area or desert. I really have to think long and hard over the next few day, as to how I can keep my life calm, or calmer than it has been in the last few years... It's healthier...environment is so key to a healthy life...(as I've stressed on here many times in the past) The less stress, the healthier you are, the longer you live. I'd rather earn less, and be in an environment where I can relax, than earn more while stressing self out, dealing with traffic, dealing with social miscreants and so on. Being around artifiscal people yields artifiscal results in your life. I like the zone I'm in right now. But how long will it last? |
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Post by X factor on Nov 3, 2013 20:16:00 GMT -5
 It feels cold and empty where I'm at, so I turned on the heat... I suppose the heat running, warming place up, makes up for the lack of love and affection I don't get in real life. Most would wither and die, if they had to endure what I do at times. Some times I don't know how I do it myself...I guess hope, is always what has kept me going in the past...hope that things would get better, more ideal. I'm in a nice, decent, safe place, I guess...but it feels empty, cold, and hallow... Maybe I need brighter, friendlier lights... Or maybe I just need to leave soon, and go seek adventure elsewhere...I really do not know... Other than in my own mind, not even sure if ideal place exists anymore. Not even sure what I expect tomorrow to bring anymore. Anyways...here I sit all alone...me and all the spirits within... |
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Post by X factor on Nov 5, 2013 16:31:46 GMT -5
If you go to Vegas...and just sit behind one slot machine like all day long, just pumping quarters into it...I wonder if it eventually has to pay off big?  Almost like that one Twilight Zone movie, where guy sits in front of slot machine, hoping to win big, and never does, and the guy eventually looses his mind, and slot machine comes after him... A classic TZ episode... All that aside...I mean I wonder how much money you can pump inside one of these things before it pays off? If I went to Vegas, I'd like to at least win $5000 gran to feel it was worth my time... Or how about the Roulette table?  I played this once...and won money...by the instructions of some strange person...they wanted to help me win more money, until they were kind of escorted away by yet other strange odd persons... Anyways... I think I'd get bored in Vegas after about one hour... |
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Post by X factor on Nov 6, 2013 7:41:16 GMT -5
One of the reasons why I don't change the format here...open the site up...is cause I think people have gotten use to the way it is... It's calm and quiet...there's really not a lot of noise here... There are literly 1000's of other forums or social media sites where 10's of 1000's chime in...insult each other, name call, get rude and so on... Here, none of that occurs...it's like watching TV or something instead...  In that whatever train wrecks occur, or whatever pot of gold is discovered, the reader, visitor, can eternalize it as it applies to their own life, much in the same way one does when watching an episode on TV or chapter in a book. And there's plenty of drama and action from a vast 'cast' of 'character moods'... The reader can watch, read, and know that whatever occurs on here, they really had nothing to do with how story or stories develop... As such it allows the reader, viewer or visitor to relax a bit more... And I think this site, the way it's set up, is healthier than social media...like twitter or facebook...why? Cause you, the reader, viewer and or guest, aren't put under any pressure to 'make friends' be popular...be 'liked'...nope...none of that pressure is on you here...you can just come here, sit back, relax and explore the vast Mansion of thoughts, emotions and feelings....some of which will inevitably reflect your own... Yes, you and your own thoughts...(yes you the one reading...the one reading right now now) are captured in here, scattered out and about...and the more you read, the more you will find yourself... Why? Because it's quite...and not many places are quite anymore on the web.... You're not blasted with pop up adds that drive you crazy...no odd banners come flying across the screen, no gimmicks...just thought...like a broad way play or something...or even an opera...  A production of sorts...a production of thought, a wide vary of thoughts, your own... You're able to just come to the show and relax...and you don't have to take responsibility for whatever happens or occurs here...that's the best thing about it I suppose. You can just watch, read, and enjoy...like you did the 'Wizard of Oz' for so many years. No telling how this story will turn out...cause it's an on going drama. But in reality, there is no 'And they lived happily ever after'...type of ending... Cause in those movies...the movie ends while they're young...and doesn't follow them in their day to day ordeals, or as they age, loose job, deal with medical issues, sickness, bills ect. Where as this Blog Mansion does... On here it's about you, the reader, and what you go through daily while alone... It's not about so called 'famous people' and their issues...although they, famous people, will find themselves on here to...cause the same issues that plague the poor and common, also plague the rich and elite. On the emotional level. No matter how much money one has...they're still human, still frail...sometimes more frail... Ambulance drivers, cops, teachers, politicians, actors, bus drivers, pet sitters, athletes, white, black, red, Persian, it don't matter, you're on here... So read on and enjoy... |
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Post by X factor on Nov 6, 2013 15:52:12 GMT -5
 How about San Francisco? Could I have fun there now? Is it still the same way I remember it? Was it ever the way I framed it in my mind? I was there once...rode bike around city, loved it...loved every part of it... But is it still the same? Last time I was out there Hispanics were everywhere in sorounding areas...not that I have anything against Hispanics...but immigrants just aren't as tourist friendly as traditional WASPs are. Hispanics, for one, are very racist...thanks to prison gang influence... And Hispanics just don't see the economic advantage of tourism...cause they're still trying to rise up and establish themselves...have their own traditions and ways to uphold, and aren't yet apart of the 'generic' American society... They, at least many out there, still think with street gang, turf, mentality... Which totally kills, destroy's the whole 'Hi, I'm a visiting tourist' sentiment... Instead they want to beat you up and spray paint your body... San Francisco is an expensive place to live and shop...the only way you could really have fun out there is if you knew someone, or had a whole artinirary of activities already planned or if you just got street crazy and went out at night and mingled with the underworld... But to fly there with nothing planned...not sure if you'd get much out of it...unless you went to the down town district at night... Life is just simply more fun, when you have someone to do it with... And that's what I need...someone to do things with...travel with, explore with... |
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Post by X factor on Nov 9, 2013 0:06:16 GMT -5
Kind of a dull fizzed out evening for me...I peaked early today with activity and other stuff.
So now I sit, half heartedly watching old zombie movie...my own dreams are much more entertaining.
Haven't been paying much attention to the news lately...there's not much I can control about the news...nothing actually.
I exercise daily now...
Other than that, it's a flat evening and I haven't much to say...can't force it...so good night I suppose...
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Post by X factor on Nov 10, 2013 9:52:59 GMT -5
 I need to warm up thy brain by doing a little writing. I really have no theme or subject in mind. Just need to get the thought process rolling. Exercised yesterday...you know you're doing a good job when you wake up soar...I've basically been playing sports...trying to keep body flexible and active as to not become stiff and heavy... And I've been taking vitamins daily...why not...why wait until bodies already broke down...why even ever allow body to break down do to slothy inactive routine. I've been off for about a week...but it's hard to relax when off if you don't have a steady stream of income rolling in. Being off is only fun and relaxing when you're not worried about next week. But then once you hit that bill cycle, the bills start eating away at your static savings. It even costs money to sit still...you have to pay to be alive in this society...you can't just live anymore, without money...the system eats at your money all the time... I don't need forced health care adding any more expenses to my life. Anyways...time to get up, clean, do something...not sure what yet... |
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Post by X factor on Nov 11, 2013 18:47:25 GMT -5
Sometimes just not sure what the end game is anymore... I sometimes think the quality of life may have been better without technology and or science...without feeling like you know everything. I bet life was much 'richer' back then...say from 1954-1984....I think those were probably the best years to peak, as an induvisual, in this modern world. When typewriters were still manual...  I'm just willing to bet, people, in general, got more out of life, when life was more hands on... Scientist somehow think they have made our lives better by trying to destroy our beliefs, our imaginations, by telling us nothing exists but the atom. These same scientist often end up commiting suicide... top 10 scientist who have commited suicide...This proves thinking you, or one, knows all the answers doesn't equate into a better more fulfilled life. Mystery is fun...the imagination is fun...imagination and mystery makes life more rich. If you're told you come from the dust, and return to the dust, memory wiped out and all, than what's the purpose of trials and tribulations? What's the end game, under that scenario? If nothing is learned, or carried into another world or existence...than what's the point of it all? Anyways...steaming some fish right now...poor fish..but even Jesus and the apostles ate fish... Just in a odd mood...not sure what next move should be...freedom vs security... I've been happy and broke before... Or you can be secure and miserable... Sometimes not sure what the best route is. I wish life here were still as it was when the Indian tribes dominated...in that all land was free, no taxes, no super large central government...you just took care of yourself or settlement...no more no less... You ate to live another day...no corporations, no cities, just life...as you saw fit to live it. No greedy realitors, who jack the price up of land so high that only millionares can affort to own it... Or where you have to go to banks, sign life away, in order to get loan to own it. Just land...free land, for all to enjoy. Sometimes I think 'money' or the monetary system it'self is the 'beast' John spoke of in the bible. Anyways...about to enjoy a meal...and maybe a movie...later... |
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Post by X factor on Nov 12, 2013 10:12:06 GMT -5
I've been off for about a week now...and just as unenthused about the aspects of going back, as I was last week.
I'm unenthused about doing anything or activity that's related to doing something I'm no longer enthused about.
And everything, in this nation, now days, involves spending your money to satisfy some Gov agency...a fee here, a fee there....
It just makes you not want to go forward...you just want to sit still...it's like there's times you can save more money by sitting still than by doing anything.
When you sit still, you don't spend money...when you move about, work, travel, start business ect, you spend lots of money, loose lots of money.
I seem to save more money when I just sit still...withdraw for the bloodsucking system.
Things are calm, quiet, and you're not spending your money everyday on some bs, like repairs or gas, or other unexpected maintenance issues.
And it's only going to get worse with the implimintation of this new super complicated health care farse.
Most people already have enough piles of junk stacked in closet from this form that form...now add another layer of forced Government, and it'll get worse.
Not even Russia has forced medical tax.
How in the hell you gonna be more free in Russia, than the U.S.?
The U.S. has infringing laws that not even Russia has, yet this is still the land of the Free?
Please...
If you're forced to pay money out of your zz all the time, or live on the streets, than that's not really freedom.
Forced to generate money for decades, that you'll never get to keep, that gets gobbled up as you go, so that when old, you have nothing.
It's mans system that's stressful...life itself isn't that bad, is wonderful...but than mans forced systems come along and choke the simplicity out of life and can make it a hell for some or many...
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Post by X factor on Nov 13, 2013 11:29:06 GMT -5
Stalling.... Ever have those times where you put off making decisions...and just stall...deliberately stall...turn off phone, don't call here or there...cause you just want to stall...sit still, and enjoy the calm. As soon as you jump out there into it...the calm is gone, and a million things can go wrong...things that cost money to fix. Every business you see out there is designed to take your money, not give you money, and they're all just waiting for something to go wrong in your life, so you can pay them to fix it, repair it. If I could live in a big dorm, with a bed, tv, fridge, oven, bathroom...you know, the basics...and not pay nothing...I'd be content...I really would.  Just a room and a window...no bills, no employment...just life in a big building, with maybe 100-300 other people...on a compound, self sustaining, isolated from everything else...in that you could live your life without being attatched to the larger society abroad. Instead of wasting years of your life laboring for a measly check, worrying about your future...you could just live, and develop other areas of yourself, talents, grow food, cook, landscape...do whatever...without a price being placed on your labor... (And I know some are thinking 'Oh that's communism maaaan'... But to me it's not...communism/capitalism are systems that the Government forces on people...there by people get exploited. In my scenario, nothing is forced...it's a community of people who have just had enough of the rat race... You could come and go as you pleased...some people just need a big 'time out' from life...a break, a rest, a long Sabbath, so to speak. And the modern world really doesn't allow that once over the age of 18...or even before. Mans system just keeps bulldozing on along, devouring the common persons resources, and leaving you with nothing but rubble in the end. We convince ourselves that some day our hard labor and efforts will pay off, simply so we won't loose our minds and give up... So we continue doing the same thing over and over again...and the results are always the same...you're still always a few pay checks, a few months, from having absolutely nothing. Not everyone...but for the labor class, hourly worker class, that's becoming more and more the case. And sometimes even the small business class... And the system just keeps pushing you along...even though you're tired of it, content...been content years ago, but are forced to move along anyways...cause the system will just keep gobbling up your money, your savings, if you stop. Kind of like laboring for a whole year, 8-12 hour days, and still being broke...dedicating all that time, energy, to labor, just to still end up broke, or near broke... And for some, when you do the math, you realize it'll be that way till the day you die...or die working...and is why you're seeing more and more seniors come out of retirement to work odd part time jobs...the system never stops demanding money from you...never... And this is the system man has devised...  A system that will never ever allow you to rest, a system that demands all your time and energy, or else... |
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