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Post by X factor on Nov 13, 2013 20:24:50 GMT -5
Kind of feel odd right now...
I thought I had a plan...but do to someone elses dishonesty, that I was going to buy something from, the brakes have been put on...they only took a partial pic of equiptment...so when I finally asked about front side...then here come the excuses, the lies...the nerviousness on their part.
I told them I'm not buying something if I can't see all of it.
People should just be honest up front, cause eventually, if you're trying to sell something, the truth about the product will be found out.
All that aside...it's quiet...at least I get a few more days of quiet and peace.
place is 80% clean.
When you don't won't or need something...the price is always low for it...
Example...you don't need a watch...so all the watches are priced at $10.00
Then as soon as you decide you want a watch..in all the adds, the watches all cost $1000.00...
As if you're riding a wave, a energy wave, of bad fortune...
When you're not in the market for something...everythings low, the minute you start pricing things, things that were low suddenly are expensive...
When you're broke...then the price of things come down...but it don't matter, cause you can't afford it anyways...then when you get a bit of money saved...now the same item that was $100.00 is 10,000...
So it's as if you're still broke.
Just bizarre how that occurs...like it's planned out by the bad luck gods or something...when patterns like that occur over and over again in you're life...they have to be planned by the bad luck gods or something...
who knows...
later...
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Post by X factor on Nov 14, 2013 18:54:59 GMT -5
Sometimes I just want to run away...
I mean if I keep seeing the same patterns occur over and over again...than after a while your efforts become futile, unless you escape from the negative vector your in...like some unseen vector...force field or something...
A force field governed by a certain evil force or something...and until you leave, break free of that vector...it's like nothing will ever change...the same sh%#t will just keep occurring over and over and over again...and all your efforts will be wasted...
Sometimes, I think, or am starting to think, that you just need to break free of the negative force field that your in...
Just as there are human governers, mayors of territory....sometime I wonder if spirit beings are also given territories in which to Govern...and while in their territory, depending on if they, the spirit being likes you or not, determines your fate and or fortune...or lack of...
I know that sounds wild and wacky to some...but sometimes there's no other way to explain it...
Each person who knows and chronicles their life knows, sees, the odd patterns that occur over and over again...
Patterns that seem to keep you bound, stuck...as you use up more and more of your precious life force.
So you keep telling yourself things will change, be different in a few more weeks, months, which then turn into a season, a year...and nothing changes...until finally your time runs out...
No easy decision here...
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Post by X factor on Nov 14, 2013 19:35:49 GMT -5
 Matt 4:8 Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. 9 “All this I will give you,” he said, “if you will bow down and worship me.” Sometimes it seems, as long as you resist evil, try to behave and be good, that you just don't succeed... But the minute you sell your soul to evil...then it seems you get ahead in life... Jesus refused to bow to Satan...but then again, he was the 'son of God' and already knew his place in heaven... But things don't always feel so assuring for mortal man... It's not like God himself comes down from heaven and hugs you every night...like he did Jesus in this verse. |
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Post by X factor on Nov 16, 2013 22:39:08 GMT -5
This has got to be one of the most still, quiet, uneventful Saturday nights I've had in a very long time, no thrill, no frills no nothing...just alone in a quiet spot. Kind of stranded, you could say... I'm not depressed...I know what depression feels like...things are just 'still'... Sometimes I'm not sure where I'm suppose to be right now in life...to get the sense of 'motion' back...purpose, wake up in the morning feeling eager, type of joy. There's a lot of people out there right now, who'd be happy to have this 'stillness' that I have now. I'm not unhappy with it, just sometimes miss the feeling of anticipation... I miss feeling eager about tomorrow, and thinking that things will just keep getting better and better. Sometimes I think I'd rather have a short action filled meaningful life, than a long drawn out one filled with uncertainty about tomorrow. Of course, when you have family around you, most of these thoughts don't enter your head...I mean like you're own family...a family you create through marriage. Cause when you have your own family, you tend to think about them, their future, and not your own...and in a way that's a blessing. It keeps you fired up...you create people (your offspring) who admire and look up to you, even if the rest of the world does not. Having a family of your own is a gift...some realize that, and embrace it, others do not. Before I end this post...ever see those movies where someone just vanishes into thin air?  In this still, quiet, moment...that's what I feel like... As if I could just vanish into thin air...and it would be as if I never was... Like 'purpose served' time to move on type of thing. Again...just one of those moments...we all have them at times... |
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Post by X factor on Nov 19, 2013 19:01:39 GMT -5
Sometimes being lazy can always feel like the preferred method of operation... You save up money...why not take 3-4 months off and just chill...just watch TV...enjoy open free time... Some times that kind of life can seem very appealing rather than forging ahead into the unknown. But unless you're bringing income in...there's always that problem of bills nipping at your doorstep... Just being alive, and existing quietly costs money in this day and age. Nothing is free...that's the way man has created this world now... If you're human, nothing is free...money has become god...so you have to labor and sweat for 'money'... And if you're not rich, as in having a net worth of at least 2 million dollars...than you'll have to labor and sweat until old or dead... Again...that's how modern man has set this world up...everything revolves around income, money. No use complaining or whining about it...it will never change. It's a reality forced onto others. What happens when you stop believing that 'everything will be alright'...or 'ok'? What then? What if you know deep down inside that as long as you're alive...nothing will ever totally be 'alright' or 'ok'? Then what? And maybe that reality is what drives many to religion...a 'better hope'...a 'better future'...  |
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Post by X factor on Nov 20, 2013 8:23:09 GMT -5
Money, funds, seems to be the only thing that makes people feel secure in this world anymore.
Money, having available funds, is what gives most people a sense of security.
Once people feel secure, then they can relax.
What about Love?
There's different types of love...Love is like the air...it's everywhere, all around you...but unless it's bottled inside of someone else, or other people, and directed at you, you can't really feel it.
Love gives you confidence and assurance, courage, to do things you might not otherwise have confidence to do.
Some people have money, security, but no love...and some have lot's of love, but no money.
And some have neither, no money or love directed at them, and thus just exist.
Having love in your life brings clarity and a bit of color to go along with that clarity.
Having no love in your life brings robotic reasoning, logic based reasoning.
Some would choose security over love, and some love over security.
It's obviously healthier if you have a mix of both...
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Post by X factor on Nov 20, 2013 8:39:42 GMT -5
But the one wild card I didn't mention is 'health and vitality'....ones own physical health.
Cause health effects everything, our own physical health.
Health gives you independence, when your health goes, you loose everything.
So regardless of whether you have money in your life, or love in your life...you should always maintain your physical health.
Cause regardless of what you do your decide...if you're not healthy, none of it will matter...
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Post by X factor on Nov 20, 2013 14:57:52 GMT -5
This I'm know and am learning as I go... Don't rush into something you're not sure of...be it a relationship, job, job opportunity, purchase ect...don't rush. I also know...already knew, day to day life is stressful... The minute I stepped aside from it all, a few weeks ago, my stress level dropped in half or more. The first few days were delightful...no stress, no scheduale just time. But within the last few days...5 days, as I try to work my why back onto the highway of life...the stress level and uncertainty begins going up again... Life wears you out, then you get sick and die. And we have to be careful of this. I told someone a while ago...'The smart thing to do, isn't always the cool thing to do'...or most flashy. The smart thing to do, doesn't always appease our ego, or need to impress others...others who really don't care either way. If you're rich they don't care, and if you're poor and struggling they don't care. So the only person who's really effected, at the end of the day, by what you do...is you. (Unless of course you have a family, hobbits and all of that...in that case the dynamics change a bit). But if you don't have all of that...stop, pause and think...  What is best for you, and your serenity? Don't rush...don't let other people rush you. And there is no shame in changing your mind about something...cause you and only you will have to live with the consequences of that or those decisions. Yes it would be nice if we all had a fortune teller to tell us what route is best in life. (Even though scripture frowns heavily on fortune tellers and mediums)... The bible says 'trust God'...but the think with that is God don't talk to us verbally...with god you're left trying to interpit signs, or the meaning of things...which isn't really a response. Cause 5 people can interpit one sign 5 different ways... God is love...we know all of that...but God seems to be very distant too, do to sin... Babies in Africa, Asia, and even America, starve to death daily...whether god loves them or not, they still starve if not feed with physical food. So other than being a metaphor, not sure how gods love effects anything in this realm. People still die, get sick, are robbed, bullied, commit suicide, get beat up, whether god loves them or not. So just because god loves us, doesn't mean his universal love with help us make the right decision about anything... Cause not all decisions are morality based...many decisions are opinion based, or preference based...a blue car or red one? Right or wrong decisions aren't really concrete in a world where there's so many variables... You could decide to go on the blue bus...then the blue bus crashes, flies off cliff, and goes up in flames...as has happened many times... What I'm saying is making the right decision doesn't always garuntee a desired out come...  Sometimes crap just happens... |
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Post by X factor on Nov 20, 2013 21:08:00 GMT -5
I'm extremely bored, and restless tonight... I have all this built up energy...and nothing to do with it... It's raining outside...which I like...cause the rain keeps all the trouble makers inside and off the streets....  Yes, when it rains at night, everything becomes quiet outside...and I like the ambiance of it. None the less I have a ton of energy right now...even after exercising earlier... And may do so again, inside, just to burn off more calories from all the snacking I've been doing out of boredom. My mind feels more relaxed right now to, phones off... Just been doing some heavy thinking...kind of took my own advice and just haulted everything, future plans, everything... The stress was coming back...I was bringing stress back into my realm...thinking I had to make decisions 'now'. When I really don't...at least not dumb decisions. And once I just put a 'hault' to things...stress was instantly lifted. I'm in no rush to fail... Sometimes we rush to fail, instead of just hanging onto moments while we can, calm seasons. I never stop growing, learning, and is one reason I'm able to generate so much thought...more than anyone else on the planet...no one writes more than I do, or has, or ever will... |
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Post by X factor on Nov 22, 2013 12:02:27 GMT -5
 Hello...I've been slow getting into the Thanksgiving spirit, mood. I pretty much spend all Holidays alone, so it's no biggie to me...alone, maybe watching a few movies...if that. We live in a world where there's really no certainty in anything...confidence tends to balance that out. Confidence is like a spell you're under, or some are under, which gives you a belief that things will work out just fine. And we need that... Sometimes I find myself uttering useless or meaning prayers...like 'Oh god, please help me out'...and find the god in my mind responds 'Why don't you just help yourself out'.... Then I'm like 'hmm...good point'... But I think most of us want God to be like Superman...to literally move buildings, people, and other obstacles out of our pathway...I think that's the God most of us really want... Jesus even lost favor with Israel, when he didn't wipe out all their enemies right there on the spot...so Israel's response was kind of.. 'Well then what good are you to us?'... And in all fairness I think many of us still echo those same thoughts, at times, deep down inside. 'God, if you're not going to physically alter my path for me, than what good are ya to me?' 'God, if I have to do all the work myself, than what good are ya to me?' Yep, we've all been there before...kind of want God to be like Samantha on Bewitched...  We want our God to fly around the sky, handling our personal business and affairs for us...oh wouldn't that be nice... But nope...that's not how it works... Instead, if we want someone to change...we have to convince them our self. If we want a door of opportunity to open, we have to open it our self. If we want some one to like us, we have to convince them that liking us is a worth while endeavor. The God of the bible, or any other god, will not do any of those things for us...we have to do it all ourselves...that's what living life is about, I suppose. Anyways...it's Friday...have a good one...back soon. |
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Post by X factor on Nov 22, 2013 22:37:05 GMT -5
One of the best movie intro's ever...to a horror movie...any movie...Johnny Cash...wow...so fitting... Sometimes things that don't fit, end up fitting perfectly...Cash...the dark version of Elvis...love this intro...and how it summarizes us up, mankind, humans...and our tendencies towards violence and mayhem. Zombies...what is it about them that fascinates us? Is it our future? Are zombies us? I'm not so much into the recent TV series type zombies... I was into zombie movies long before zombies became main stream......Just not into mainstream stuff much... It's as if we all like watching our ultimate fate... Even Cash, eventually met his fate, and became a zombie, of sorts... I think...(even though this may sound odd) some of us find reassurance in knowing there's an ultimate fate beyond the control of man...and that is death...or life after.... There's just something reassuring, knowing that there's something beyond the control of earthly Governments and jurisdictions... Something bigger, more powerful, more infinite.... Anyways...back to the movie...'Dawn of the Dead'...the re-release...not the original... |
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Post by X factor on Nov 23, 2013 18:28:56 GMT -5
 I don't enjoy flying anymore...this from someone who use to be an advid flying enthusiast...not anymore. Or I should say I don't like commercial flying...I don't like airports, the whole atmosphere...people being shuffled around like human sardines... And there's so many ignorant people at airports...people who have never been anywhere...you can see it in their eyes, their walk...uppity walk. My preferred method of travel now, by far, is simply to drive... Or even a train...which I've never been on...is preferred to me over flying. Now if I could board a private jet...then I'd be all for it...  Now this is flying...don't even need the red carpet... Just show up to small airport and go...no check in required, no lines. Very few on this planet will ever be able to experience the joys of a private jet... Even many celebrities still fly commercial. Any ways...all that aside I'm bored...and it's only 6:33 pm... I don't have cable...nice TV but no cable to go with it... I've watched all these old DVD's enough to go stir crazy... Not sure what to do...don't feel like going out. I'm not in party mode at all. Don't feel like drinking or anything. Don't feel like cleaning. Maybe I'll just make a 'to do list' and force myself to do whatever is randomly chosen on the list. later... |
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Post by X factor on Nov 23, 2013 21:11:24 GMT -5
 I had some popcorn tonight...and I just doused it in butter...melted butter... I'm sick of eating dry popcorn...dry instant popcorn... I miss the old style, wet with butter, bad for you type of popcorn...wet, sticky, buttery popcorn...yum. Other than that...I'm still bored... I did have fun with the blender, making a healthy fruit shake... Heck, senior citizens living in a group retirement home are probably having more fun than I am tonight... |
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Post by X factor on Nov 24, 2013 17:26:29 GMT -5
Hello...
To be human is to be what?...stupid, cruel and dense?
You tell me...
Hope everyone is having a great wonderful day...later...
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Post by X factor on Nov 25, 2013 11:44:23 GMT -5
Hello... How do I feel right now? I don't know... I miss regular, middle class, hot rods, big brother, America...  I miss fair minded mom and dad...big brother that loved you, but picked on you... Football games, players...apple pie, the national anthem... Grandma, sisters who were smart and feminine... Hot dogs that tasted juicy and unhealthy...along with shakes... Going camping... Saturday mornings... Dates, and dating... Letterman jackets... I miss standard America...a time that existed probably from 1950-1984...the magic years...I guess... Regular typewriters...pencils...ice trays... Old Kool-Aid commercials...  Slip and slides...sprinklers... Bugs bunny...  A world when mothers cooked dinner and yelled 'supper is ready!' from the front porch... Crop dusters flying over head and the smell of fertilizer in the fields... I kind of miss things, a society, that was standard and 'normal'... And I know that's very subjective depending on where one is from and how one was raised... Standard for some may be bombs going off in the background, if raised in war torn area... None the less...everyone is entitled to their own past... |
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