X factors blog and journal...

'Happiness'...continued...

I think sadness, or depression can kind of be defined as that time in your life when the future is no longer eagerly anticipated.

People who are happy, love the future, are very optimistic about tomorrow, and confident in their ability to succeed.

Sadness sets in when for some or many, the future no longer seems like a friendly place, and instead tomorrow becomes filled with dread...deadlines, illness, bills, eviction, divorce, bullying, harracement ect.


The minute one starts dreading the future, is the minute sadness sets in, bleakness.

And this occurs in different people at different ages...sometimes it's temporary, sometimes long term.

Being 13, and dreading school starting up in the fall, is not the same as being 44 and dreading loosing home and job.

Or being 56 and wondering how you will pay for cancer treatment...
Or being 35 and hating the job you work, environment you live in, and having no responsible way of escaping either.

Or investing everything you have into a business that you have no idea will succeed or not.

Work, how we earn our money, is probably one of the largest effectors of whether we're happy or not...cause it's where we spend most our time, outside of being home.

Some even spend more time at work, than they do around their spouse or at home...like over the road truck drivers...



Truck drivers often spend days, weeks, months, away from home, delivering goods all around the country.

As such, it's important you love what you do, or depression can quickly set in.

Some are forced to work such jobs do to financial need.
Forced to spend weeks away from family, sanity, simply to pay bills...

And not just truckers...but nurses, oil field workers...many are working with injuries, working while in pain, but can't say anything in fear of being let go by company.

I think we stop being happy when the majority of our time is spent doing something we don't enjoy.

And also when single.

When in a relationship, Love goes far in giving people strength to endure.

Without love, without having anyone in your life that loves, you, wife, parents or your hobbits, it can all seem pointless at times.

Even a pet can motivate one to endure and look forward to the future.

The future can be scary, when your headed that way alone.

Going into the future with a loved one, or many love ones, can, is, much more reassuring, and is why so many jump into relationships, out of fear of being alone.

When you're single, and alone, everything can suddenly seem pointless, meaningless.

So I think the two top things that start effecting our happiness would be..

1. Being alone and unloved

2. Work...whether or not we enjoy what we do for 4-16 hours a day...

That's all for now...maybe I'll continue on this theme in future post...

You can live in the middle of a city, and feel just as lonely, live as lonely of a life, as one fears one would in a more rural area.

Or you can live in a small area, with 1 or 2 decent friends, and never be bored.

None of this will make sense to those still in school/college, where interaction with peers is mandated on a daily basis, activities planned ect.

But when out of school, unless apart of a church, or some other civic group, sports, there is no mandated community activities planned.

It's not hard to become socially isolated if you're not careful what steps you take.

Like moving out of firmiluar region, loosing touch with peers you grew up with, moving to an area where you're a minority...or where your political ideas seem odd.

Then it's even worse when you return 'home' and everything there has changed also...all the people you knew are gone.

So now it's like the past only exists in your head, in your mind, in your memories, but not in the world.

How do you chase a past that only exists in your mind?

Me, I really don't fit into this area...I'm a minority, but I'm not a SE colonial, inner city, urban type of minority...

Southern whites have more in common with urban minorities here than I do.
Cause they've had a relationship for centuries.

Where as I was raised 3000 miles away or so...and grew up totally detached from that damaged, post colonial slave mindset...where bad speech patterns are past down still.

It benefited me, those like me, cause we were not 'damaged'.

Believe it or not 'whites' cannot damage your self esteem...the damage comes from other blacks, or minorities, who have internalized 'hate', 'loathing', 'low expectations of self' and whom then vomit that sentiment back onto other blacks, or people of color.

And example of this would be the prominent use of the word 'nigga' by urban types...blacks who keep slave master, colonial era terminology alive.

Ye sure it's been slightly modified in spelling and pronouncement...but it's still derived from same word...and subconcsously used in same way...

Blacks basically saying to other blacks 'Hey you, you're nothing just like me'...

"Didn't the white man convince you, like he did me, that you're also nothing"...

To me, blacks folks who still use the 'ngga' terminology or near retarded.

And I've never been around anyone who uses that terminology who has ever amounted to anything...soon they fulfill their own low expectation of self and fail miserably at life and end up in jail or prison or worse.

People who embrace that who'll 'ngga' mentality always fail...they either fail, or learn to grow out of that self loathing mindset.

A black person is healthier when raised away from other urban type blacks, enslaved to destructive ways.
Destructive mentalities, practices.

It's gross the things I see...as if a whole class of people still need to be baby sat by 'the man'....

If not for 'the man' still pumping in Tax payer siphoned money and funds, these neighborhoods would totally implode and collapse.

It's the 'white mans' law and order that prevents totally ruthless black on black genocide.

Ye sure, some might say 'Well it's the white mans system that created this reality'...but I say regardless, people are still responsible for their own actions...

That's why there's a 'God'...there are other ideals to strive for.

Young inner city youth, this generation, have totally turned their backs on God, Jehovah...even some gang symbols resemble Satanic markings.

I'll take Jessie Jacksons civil rights, God fearing generation, any day over todays god hating, rebellious, destructive generation, any day...

Give me law abiding Jessie Jackson, any day over ruthless street types you see now.

The sooner you realize no one will help you out in this world with anything, the sooner you will become a much more efficient person.

If you want to know something, research it and learn it yourself.

If you want to do something, just do it, no one online will help or teach you...you must learn through trial and error.

If you have ambitions, don't wait for others 'ok' to pursue them.

The longer you wait for others to help you, or guide you, the longer you will sit alone in a vacant room, waiting for some 'hero' to show up and fix things.

For many, that hero will never ever show up...and you'll just sit in room, alone, waiting...



The minute you realize no one is coming to help you, or rescue you, is the minute your life will start getting better, cause you'll suddenly become smarter...

I gained .06 pounds since yesterday...my exercise plan and diet is working.

Cause I ate way more than .06 pounds, that's for sure...

Not to mention I had a few root beers...

Anyhow, early morning, quiet, still...but tomorrow will disrupt all of that.

This system demands you thrust yourself out there, in order to economically survive...

Often forced to do things you don't enjoy, no wonder depression is so high these days.

Very few have dream jobs or professions they leap up in the air with joy to return to on Monday.

Instead, many are yanked out of home, pre-dawn, in the frigid cold to spend 8-12 hours performing tasks they'd rather not be.

Expecially those who have outside jobs up where it's freezing cold...



Not much in a writing mood right now, so I'm going to end this post and get on with the day.

Most are brainwashed to think this system of 'Capitol' is the best ever devised by man...

But even those who created this land, now whine and complain about it.

Look at the residue effect it has had, is having, a whole crime class created because of it, mass poverty generated do to it, (In order for some to get rich, and hoard, many others have to become poor, not just here, but around the world).

Diamonds, stolen from one country, shipped to another.

Democracy is what is wonderful, but not nessisarly the system of money trade that group up within it.

Of than dating, romance, stuff like that that one faces in school, anxiety is almost all the time attributed to lack of funds, a job, bills not getting paid.

This society has so tied it's identity, ones own self worth, to money, that money rules all.

Many work slavish jobs, not cause they want to, but cause they have to, in order to pay bills.

The system is ruthless, if you slip behind...no mercy at all...it will devour you, and is why so many turn to crime, is why prisons are so crammed pack, why so many suffer from depression, cause the system says 'Serve me or perish'

Many of us have no use for any of it...and instinctively would rather be living on a small, self sustaining farm somewhere, where no commute is required, no traveling, no rent, no auto insurance, this insurance that insurance, this cost, that cost.

The anxiety of it all is why prescription medication sky rockets in this nation.

Of course those who are wealthy 'Love it'...

Even under brutal systems, the 'wealthy class' are immune to what others go through, so of course they love it, tout it as being 'the best system in the world'...while graves, living graves and dead ones, fill every day from people who got rolled up by the system.

Suicides commited, cause people 'loose all' and can't recover in time, and would rather die than loose what they have, or their status.

Women on the streets forced to prostitute themselves, to earn enough for bills, this system demands stuff from you 'NOW' not tomorrow, and many don't have the time or luxury to wait weeks, months, or years training, to get a job.

When a bills due, it's due...and is why people commit crimes of desperation, rob banks, rob others, steal, commit theft...this system has created a whole criminal culture that's a direct result of the worship of money.

Everyone has to have money...there's no other way to sustain self...but it wasn't always like that...don't think societies were always like this.

Now, you can't even live on land, without paying homage to the Government, yearly taxes.

This nation looks a lot different to those earning under $15,000 than it does to those on salary, earning $60,000 or more...and $60,000 isn't as much as it seems...on one check...

60,000/12= 5000 a month 1250 a week.

People have been conditioned to get into debt, to aquire what they want 'NOW'...beholdened to banks all your life.

Who soley judge you by your credit score...nothing else...not your character, not your brains, not your heart, no even your criminal record...it's all based on credit score...what a farce.

When humans hand logic over to computers, this is what happens.

Mandated rules, and frame works that are heartless, and designed to serve, protect the 'beast' or business interest, and not people.

In odd mood right now...lots of running around today, and at end of running around doing 'business', finished day up with exercising in park...

Place is clean, it's quiet, and not sure how to interpit how I feel right now...I feel very 'still'...

Like maybe a astronaut the day or evening before launching off into space, not really knowing if Rocket will even make it off launch pad without exploding...



It's a 50/50 proposition, either rocket will explode, or it won't, and instead you'll gain altitude and soar.

That's how I feel about tomorrow...either things will work out, or they won't...it's kind of beyond my control now.

There's nothing more I can do except sit back, and try to relax one last evening before jumping out there again and risking a lot.

Either I'll make it or I won't.

But at least with the astronauts, when they don't make it off the pad, their instantly obliverated, vaporized, so they don't have to linger on in a crippled state of being, they're just gone.

But when most of us fail in real life, it's the slow lingering process that is so torturous.

Our ending doesn't come in one gigantic fire ball, rather it seems to stretch out for weeks, months, years.
Which almost seems worse....

Only good thing about that is it gives you time, a second, 3rd, 4th, 10th time to start again.

But not everyone has it in them to always start again...you change as you age...things that motivated you, gave you hope and strength 10 years ago, don't now...the people who motivated you, aren't always in your life anymore.

It can be harder to fire yourself up to fight at age 60 (hypothetical age) than it can ate age 19.

At age 60, you see the end, at 19 you do not, at age 19, there is no ending.

So yes, (by the way, I'm neither 19 or 60) anyways...

Anyways...so yes...I feel like I'm sitting in rocket ship tonight, waiting for morning launch...not knowing if rocket will soar, or simply explode...and that's kind of effecting my mood right now...kind of a relaxed, mellow, out of it mood...

Sometimes you just want it to be quiet.

Man has gotten so noise, loud.

Sometimes you just want it to be quiet, so you can relax and hear things.