X factors blog and journal...

Merry Xmas or Christmas if you prefer, none of it matters and all meaningless to me right now



Yes, I am the Mother Queen, Prince, King, whatever, spirit, of all this blog stuff, come home to say hello.

Santa should not bother with me this year or his elves, or else.

I speak for the outcasts, rejected, the lost, the homeless, dejected and more.

No gifts, no calls, no merry wishes, nothing...just another day for most.

But for those who are able to be in the moment...cheers, and enjoy while it lasts.

But for today, this moment at least, the Zone speaks for the lost...

Merry Xmas.

This year Santa tried sitting on me though, as such took their head.

This is the twilight zone, never ever forget that.

Going to bed

Going to bed soon.

Feeling a bit drowsy, time off goes by so quick, seems you do a few things, next thing you know time for bed.

I'm close to feeling resigned to 'fate', nothingness, and not ever being fulfilled.

Through out the day, everyone appears as walking zombies to me, at least where I live and drive, everyone seems tired, old before their age, sloppy and burned out on life.

If a go getter, it's hard to shine in such an environment..

If everyone is dull around you, than there's nothing to reflect off of

Your shine will simply begin to fade like theirs.

Oh well.

Time for bed

Can I learn how to be happy again?



Can I learn how to be happy again?, to wake up just feeling happy, for no particular reason, like days of old?

I sure hope so.

Sometimes I take portraits where body language appears to be very happy, laid back and relaxed, I do it for therapy I suppose.

Sometimes mood on inside may be totally opposite of pose on outside, pure acting, but again, I find it to be therapeutic for 'self' to see self in light wish could always be in but most of the time not.

It's basically the same thing professional actors/actresses/performers do, only they get paid lots of money.

One minute a tough guy, the next character they play in next movie same person is playing the role of a sissy, then in next movie they're a villain and so forth.

I do the same through abstract portraits, but for self, since don't really have an audience.

It's all done for self, to cheer self up at times when nothing else positive to look upon.

To see that self is still capable of at least appearing happy on surface, is all I need sometimes to cheer self up and to look back upon years later and say 'Wow, what a stretch'.

And or for others to look at portrait and have no idea it's 'me', shows how 'boxed' in most need you to be, shows how other peoples definition of self is so small and limited.

In reality though, no one, no matter how naturally beautiful, goes around chirping all the time, especially as you get older and are hit with more responsibilities.

Most people do 'fake' their happiness while out in public, mainly the working class who have to struggle with bills daily.

Those living in tough neighborhoods and all.

I think most start off in life really wanting to be beautiful, regardless of gender, but depending on their environment they learn early on what others want or need for them to be.

If a male, you're mostly expected to be tough and dull, if a female, encouraged to be soft and glow.

If a black male expected to be 'hard' as nails by age 5, if a white male allowed more room to explore self, allowed to carry childhood into older age, where as black males expected to be street hardened by age 10.

Could expand this to overseas also, Palestinian youth not given much of a relaxed childhood do to wore torn environment, or those raised in shanty towns in Columbia.

Your environment will shape you early on, but the longer one is allowed to be a 'hobbit', then usually the more creative they are and well balanced as an adult.

Peoples who's childhood was robbed from them early one usually grow up to become deviant and dark.

I did have a very good childhood from K-12, I can't complain...well more like from K-11.

But once turned 18, it was all over, the bubble of security ended almost near immediately and reality began slapping me in the face.

But even then I was still happy and always optimistic, always still believed in a better tomorrow, even went through whole 'religious' phase, which I now regret, to this day I regret that, made some bad choices do to religion that denied me good opportunity, but at the time it was all about 'pleasing God, and the church'.

Hmm...

Also it can become hard to maintain happy demeanor if always around dark demeanored people (or how ever it's spelled, if even a word)

Others who always want to drain the light from you.

Friends and family build early years building you up, then after that strangers and the world spend rest of life trying to tear you down.

Oh well, nothings new under the sun, billions have come, and billions have left...I'm nothing new or different, just a clone of what has already been and is.

4 years old

It's hard to believe the Zone here is going on 4 years old, 4 years worth of thoughts, news, emotions, and everything else stored up in this place through various posts.

There's really nothing else like it anywhere on the net, yet always manages to stay under the radar.

It's quit a feat if you ask me, to just keep going and going and going.

Most forums burn out after a few weeks, the zone however just keeps evolving and going and going and going.

Created in 2013, and it's now 2017...wow.



Happy B day to the Zone, for actually being around and remaining relevant to self for 4 years.

Home hours should be a time to relax

Home hours should be a time to relax, as such will start paying bills while at work, on 'dead time'.

Also, why is it the nicer you are to some the nastier their disposition becomes towards you?

Why do so many follow that pattern?

What is it about the nature of man, that when 'nice', man/woman sees it as an opportunity to exploit, make fun of, and or destroy in various ways.

The bible is so correct about the nature of man, regardless of religion or belief or left or right.

The nature of man will 'pounce' when given a chance to, sometimes not even knowing why.


It's why I stay to myself more and more, it's safer that way, physically and mentally.

I do envy those who have a totally different outlook or life experience.

Now off to bed or couch...lately I come in, do a few things, then crash, just lay back in the dark, with fan on, while thinking until drift off.

Saturday nights not what they use to be to me

Saturday nights aren't what they use to be for me, that's for sure.

No more going out, no more thinking I'm 'all that'.

Saturday nights spent much like weekday nights to me now, in that just stay in all the time.

Home bound, couch bound.

I'm not against going out anymore, just not motivated to do so right now.

Going out is fun when have someone to go out with, when you go out alone, just seem like a stalker, lol.

And going to club along, just sitting there watching other people in groups have a good time, well, that's not fun either to me right now.

Although when I go out, very animated, but when animated you make yourself more vulnerable to rejection.

So for now, just stay in, home alone, but content doing so right now.

Also more fun going out when have tons of cash to spend, but if budgeting, not so fun.

I always use to say, and still believe and observe, that eventually 'Time and Space' will move you along, even if sitting still.

One day, I'm sure, I'll look back at this quiet still time, and miss it, for peace and stillness never lasts forever, not in the flesh anyways.

Forces are always changing around us, and soon these forces force us to 'move along', sooner or later, either for the better or worse.

Nor am I as playful on here as I use to be years ago...use to always post gifs, illustrations and more, now just type for the most part.

Use to celebrate the weekends on here, not anymore.

Oh well, just thought I'd pop in and say hello real quick.

One reason I'm so turned off from other discussion forms is cause I don't think any conversation ever really ends as long as alive and breathing.

Most forum threads end after like a few posts, then after that discussions over, and if keep reposting to keep conversation alive, other members complain, so instead the thread just hangs there dead, after a few responses.

I don't like that, to me, as long as alive and breathing, nothing ends, discussions should go on for years, even decades as far as I'm concerned.

We're always learning more about ourselves, life, and things around us.

I like to write, and is why I use to tend to annoy others on very controlled forums, and you'd often pure your heart and soul out into a post, just to have it removed by some stuffy nosed moderator who couldn't relate.

The idea you have to say all there is to say about any topic within one post is ridiculous, real life don't work like that, the discussion of life goes on forever, or until dead.