Why social media just has never really worked for me1. Never been a groupie type, have always been a loner most of life, in school and out, not by choice, just by social and other circumstances.
2. As such, when I get onto social media, am not seeking 'friends' I know or think I know, why?
Cause everyone sees you in a different light, former classmates see you one way and newer friends you may have met later on in life see you another, yet relatives see you as yet another, to me, the more people who know you online, the smaller the theater you're given to perform in that the 'accountability' factor moves in.
The more people one feels (at least myself) are watching, the less willing I am to explore different identities within, different art, expressions, ect, like being on stage with both family and classmates and drinking buddies all in audience, a part of your performance would be strange to each so to not shock anyone, you might just stand still and be very 'generic'.
I get on social media to escape the 'generic' version of myself.
3. As loner, I don't feel the need to 'seek' anyone, I feel either some can appreciate what I say, write, or so what.
Not only that, but unless very wealthy, and can hide publically, not sure how fame would benefit 'me'.
To be popular, known, and still have to 'ride the bus' per say, to me makes one more vunerable to ridicule or worse.
Especially if live in tougher, street level type area, where there is no 'visual art' and where most people conditioned to be very insecure, and lack educational perspective.
4. I'm like the 'black light' of social media, meaning I'm on it, but identity practically unknown, why?
Cause like above, to me makes no sense to use 'true' name online, outside of say business ect, otherwise anyone could, can, and does, hunt you down for adds, solicitations, to gather dirt on you and so forth, why put self out there like that then years later forget all the places you appeared online.
And on a side note, I don't understand how people, I'm talking average people, like my or your neighbors, allow themselves to be filmed in cornographic video or pics online, makes zero sense to me.
Do they not realize these pics, videos, stay around forever?, that anyone can see, view, even own family, co-workers, employers and more.
Some X rated material online is over 10 years old now, so those in videos, pics, are 10 years older, and have probably moved on, but their image or videos online have not and continue to be recycled over and over again by different sites or individuals.
So having ones brains 'scr_wed out' at 22, while being filmed, takes on whole different light when 32, and graduating law school.
I guess people don't think that far into the future, but now days even people in their 40's, 50's and 60's doing the same, married women, single women, grandmas, grandpas and more.
I guess they figure they have nothing more to lose?, and want to be immortalized in some form or fashion?, but why that way?
To me, sox, the act of sox, is now and should always be a private moment between two people in love with one another, but obviously millions don't share that perspective.
5. Paranoid, even now whenever I load image of self, it's always distorted, I'd never load actually true image of face online. When net first came out I did that for a short while on photo sharing site, but then realized how dumb that was, and took all down.
Why would I want strangers to actually see who I am without knowing their intent? to me that's scary cause there's a lot of monsters out there.
People can take your photo and photo shop it, make it appear you're in corn shoot when not.
I feel sorry for those who have hundreds of real pictures of self all over the net, that will never go away.
I have images to, but again, they're always 'abstract', in that 'thing' or person in images does not exist in real life.
In other words, the above image is of 'myself', but yet image, person, in pic is long gone, will not find that person walking the earth today, but you'll find their 'spirit' alive and well, just not their spirit in that particular 'image'.
In other words I fictionalize self when upload pics.
For one it allows me to escape the tight tiny box others think I should live in all the time, in that those you brush shoulders with daily have no idea the artistic range myself and others have and have to 'hide' in order to not upset other peoples view of the world, cause when you upset other peoples view of the world, or their idea of you they, most, lash out, that's just human nature, they lash out, become mean, ridicule you, bully you, or, or, take advantage of you.
One thing I do know about 'humans' is that most are shallow and sick, and totally lack the ability to be 'god' or even reflect the love that's inside the 'god' so many claim to know and serve.
All humans know is self interested, and most simply guided by 'flesh' = bias = prejudices = attitude = hate = racism and more.
And racism goes far and beyond the spectrum of 'white', all cultures, colors, tribes, societies, peoples, have their idea of 'norm', and within those societies, be it Asian, middle east, African, native American, Mexican and more, if one dares to step out of those 'norms', watch out.
And thankfully people do, and have, forever, or there's be no 'art', no new music, no theater.
If folks didn't dare step out of those tiny boxes, nothing would ever change, or get invented, no new styles of clothing would come out.
But in reality most appreciate change from 'afar', in other words as long as it's someone else doing the change, crossdressing, being an activist, singing about odd concepts, it's all fine and good when it's a stranger doing it, but people react differently when own roommate or son, or Mother or Uncle or sister or co-worker.
Funny how we give 'range' to those we don't know, yet zero range to those closest to us.
Anyways, wrote more than I thought I would.
Only a finite few, out of billions, ever find and read what I write, but at this stage in life I'm totally OK with that.
