X factors blog and journal...

I very highly doubt Jesus died for humans or humanity, for man is rotten to the core

Feeling stiff this morning, a few days off and the stiffness sets in, plus colder weather.
Odd schedule, work today, off tomorrow, work F,S...leap frog schedule.

I wish didn't have to work at all anymore, outside of a paycheck the activity of my job adds nothing to my life at all, doesn't enhance it or anything, in fact when at work is when I feel least alive, do to the isolation of job I suppose.

Being a nurse or Doctor or any job where engaged with others for whole shift, that's different, but with my job I work alone, no one to interact with, so I get nothing out of it at all.

But only keep this job do to light weekly schedule.

But now, outside of work, where do you meet anyone?

If you're not meeting people at work, and grown, and out of school, where do you meet people now days?

And I don't go out to bars or clubs or any social places like that anymore, haven't in years, not sure why, I just stopped going, I hit them, or one place hard for about a year period, then just stopped going out.

I wouldn't even know where to go now, would have to get online to look up activities.

And I'm trying to stop drinking, so not trying to go to a place where tempted to drink.

Anyways, will be in Tampa, Bay, FL for a short time today, near the Airport.

from one to ten, right now my enthusiasm for the day is about 3-4, wow, that's not good.

It's all about attitude and I've got to change my inner attitude about my existence.

Well my existence I have no problem with, it's my physical environment that bums me out.

Believe me you, if I won the lottery, or had millions to spend, I wouldn't be typing this.

Anyways good-day.

Not much going on, just got back from exercising in the park, I feel heavier than usual, I want to drop body weight, easier said than done.


I don't ever really want to feel old until I'm dead.

Again, not much going on, I probably live a more boring, recluse life than most people in Senior citizen homes do, I mean they're around others more than I am, tended to, cared for, watched, me, none of that, I just have to hope nothing goes wrong.

Kind of in a neutral grey mood right now, don't feel like doing anything, and who says we always have to do stuff anyways.

I mean when at work, and hating it, then all the fancy ideas come into my mind, cause when getting tortured, you want the torture to end, but when off work, at home, relaxed, it's quiet, all those hefty dreams and businesses I wanted to start, books wanted to write and so forth, just take a back seat to calmness.

Seems with me, the more I give, the poorer I become, I give 100 dollars, I'm 100 dollars more poor.

The person I give to, never ever returns any love, and nor do I have some kind of 'divine' good luck streak to counter what I gave, it just seems I give, and am out of what I gave, and nothing comes back to me, not in a fiscal form anyways, or social form either, nothing.

Here's a blast from the past, Dec 23, 2015, doesn't seem like much has changed when it comes to Holidays.

The internet can be a very creepy place at times.

Not so much the internet, but it's as though the internet becomes a conduit for all of mans evil, like one big, gigantic evil brain or soul, known as the internet.

It's like all and anything man touches becomes infected with evil...be it land, societies, forms of Governance, whatever, it just eventually becomes a conduit for evil, the evil inside of man oozes inside of everything, every system, he, man, touches.