X factors blog and journal...

For me right now, Saturdays are for doing nothing.

All week long it's hussle and bussle, so I no longer feel guilty when I lay around and do nothing on Saturday.

Mainly cause I'm trying to save.
I got paid yesterday, and still haven't cashed check.
The weekly check cashing thing can get depressing, expecially when you need about 10 of those checks strung together in one, to really have anything worthwhile...

But just cashing small checks every week, just reminds me of how far off I am from what I really want.

Not only that, but I don't like having a productive week all reduced to a wage.
If you take pride in what you do, whatever that may be, by Friday you feel like a million bucks...just to open up envelope and see that you're really only worth $350.00...

I just used $350.00 as a generic figure..

In the back of your mind, you work just as hard as someone (if not harder) that earns $10,000 a week, you're dirtier, come home more tired, work longer hours...yet at end of week you get handed check for $350.00 and they receive check or direct deposit of $10,000.

They get paid more, for doing less, simply because of 'title' of their job.

Low pay just means you have to spend practically all of your useful life laboring, while the one earning $10,000 a week does not.

Doesn't mean they're bad, not at all...it just shows how much easier some have it than others.

Then again someone from Nirobi Africa might look at that $350.00 check with envy.

So back to not cashing check...sometimes I don't like allowing who I am, or how I feel, all be summarized in a check or wage.

If I feel like a million bucks, I want to feel that way, as long as I can.

The whole of who I am, who you are, cannot be summed up in a pay check...it just can't.

In order to make the most of this world life experience, one really has to be 'connected' in order to prosper on almost any level, be it social, spiritual, or financial.

You have to be connected to something be it family, a job you love, your co-workers, friends, sports, religion, a hobby you love and so forth.

If you're not connected to anything, you begin to fade, the meaning of consciousness begins to take on a non purposeful tone, until finally you wonder why you even bother waking up in the morning.

It's important to be connected to something, of this world.

Being connected gives you energy, people literaly feed off other people...like neurons firing...



If you cut the 'circuit of one neuron, it dies, or you become paralyzed.

Same thing in real life, if you're not connected to anything, cut off, your life becomes paralyzed.

You stop moving, and all you do is lay there like a mental vegetable, a social vegetable.

It's important to stay active and connected...

Some of us live lives at 20, 30, 40, that would kill us if we were 60, 70 or 80.

Sometimes I think it's almost better to move forward, fall and mess up, than to not step forward at all.

At least when you fall and mess up you're generating energy.


Just look at college football, game day...all that energy in the stadium...



Everyone is connected...charged, together in purpose.

If you haven't been to a college game day event in a while, you'll really feel out of place.
All the upbeat energy and cheer will make you feel awkward, out of place.

And that's the reaction the 'unconnected' have to such an environment.

So how do you get 'connected?'

That's something everyone has to decide on their own.
If you're not use to being connected, it can be a long journey back...sometimes pride can prevent that journey of reaching out to others.

But isolation kills the spirit, withers the soul, and robs people of all sorts of opportunities.

Sometimes we can become very comfortable with 'being alone'...to comfortable...for even though we know it's wrong, it feels right at times.

After all, 'people can be such a hassle, so why bother?'

Yes, some can be a 'bother', but others can be gateways of opportunities, joys and pleasures that are not possible if one remains alone and cut off.

So open up the curtains, and see what the world has to offer, while the world is still there for you, us.

You waste a lot of time and energy when you spend a lot of time and energy cleaning up after yourself..



Some peoples homes always look like museums...spotless and clean all the time...as if unlived in...



Homes that just invite you to take your shoes off.
Super clean and tidy.
Most homes start off that way, but we junk them up.

I'm to the point where I hate clutter now...clutter, and junk.
Clutter slows you down mentally and physically.

At any given time I could empty place of 20% of stuff in it...just simply throw it away or give it away to those donation clothing bins...



I got older shirts that I'll never wear, not even on a bad day...I just won't ever wear them, so I need to put them in a bag and donate them.

Get rid of the old to make room for the new.

I'm not sure what mood I was in when I got some of these shirts...

Shoes, sandals also.

I've got sandals I'll never wear again, at least not in this current environment I live in.

Old DVD's ect.

When your place is cluttered, you loose stuff more easily, and waste time always trying to find things.

The less stuff you have, the less stuff you can loose.

Also need to clean vehicle, through away old bills, rags, envelopes, cans, buckets, jars ect.



Throw it all in the trash and let the dumpster man haul it all away.

Hello...it's October...traditionally October has always been my favorite month, not so much here though, where I'm at, but in the past, when I lived around folks who knew how to celebrate different holidays.

Where I stay now, the mindset of folks is so basic, that they don't know what to do with holidays, never had parents that new what to do with it either, it's just another day in the hood for them, another hussle I suppose.

Anyways...I know most are into this Gov shut down bs...but I'm not.

The Government has never really been opened for me, so what do I care if it shuts down...

It matters not to me at all, one single bit...nor the politics sorounding it, which is all 'pop hysteria'...fake hysteria just so talk show hosts, and news station hosts, will have something to talk about...

I refuse to be corralled like that, told what to think about and dwell on by the pop media, which includes talk radio.

Even though talk radio pretends to be a separate type of media, they're not...they're all the same, paid by the same bosses, to entertain the masses with meaningless pop culture news.

The Government can stay shut down for all I care...I'll find a way to survive, always have, and so will others.

And you can already predict what's going to occur...fake crises, fake amendment...fake apologies, fake solutions...it's all so fake...pop culture issues.

All that aside...I had fun the first part of Sunday...the second part became a nightmare when I got stranded and had to ride bike all the way home in the dark.

Not really in a writing mood right now so I'm going to split for a while, later...

Why do certain others always try to diminish the 'you factor'....


Example: 'I'm hot'

They respond 'Well, where I'm from it's hotter, you have no idea what hot is'...


Another example:

'I'm tired and want to go home'

They respond 'Well you should see all the work I have to do, (implying you have nothing to complain about, thus what you feel is invalid, since it's not them feeling it).

Whatever you bring up, they always make it about them.

If you're cold...it's more important that they're colder...

If you're poor...they make it clear that they're more poor than you...so you have nothing to complain about.

If you're broke...even though they may have $50,000 in the bank, some how they convey the idea that they're more broke than you.

Not sure what you call that personality trait...where the person always makes the conversation about them.

If you start talking about your problems, they steal conversation and make it about their problems instead, instead first listening to what you have to say.

Basically, with people like that, nothing about you matters...all that matters is that you notice them, pay attention to them, but they never want to pay attention to or notice you.

A bad spirit hit me today, or something, as the work day ended...I just fell into a real dark, grouchy, mood...didn't want to be bothered with anything or anyone that had to do with that environment.

It's like I was turning into 'Eddie' or something from the movie 'The Howling'...



My tolerance for things just wasn't there.

I don't like industry...I just don't...industry doesn't serve me, it's more like I, most of us, serve it.

You bust your but every day, just to still be broke all the time, just to have to turn to banks to get loans, where you're enslaved all your life to debt.

Noise, racket, debt, aches and pains, heat, traffic, traffic lights...hundreds of traffic lights, none of which are timed properly...



The yellow light is way to short...want folks to come to a screeching stop or blow past them.

Congestion, after a while it's all just to much.

Yes, I became like Eddie today, the warewolf from 'The Howling', towards end of day...I just needed to get away.

If anything I belong in the mountains...away from it all...



This is home to me...away from traffic lights, away from urban poverty types, away from those who live off of other peoples tax money.

Away from noise and industry, shysters, fast food resturants on every corner, grown men begging me for coins...

Women who have nothing, yet walk around like okreohs, just to create next generation of crime and criminals...

In the mean time, you're trying to do everything right in the middle of all this, and still getting no where.

It's a waste of time and energy...you're life energy is spent earning a useless check, that as soon as you get paid goes to someone else, a bill, a repair, this that.

This is just not my environment...I don't need it.

I don't need to climb up any fake social ladder...what I need is peace and serenity...I need things to be calm...

To wake up and only hear the wind blowing through the tops of trees.

There's just to much corruption for the common person to succeed anymore through the 'system'...

The Government is to freagan big, to many taxes, codes, fees, licenses, registrations, it's all just to much now.

Government just for the sake of Government...

Federal workers who get paid by non Federals workers sweat and blood.

Federal workers get all sorts of perks, vacations, retirement funds, benefits, gifts, holidays, high incomes...all off the backs of 7-Eleven, $7.50 employees, or truck drivers or Security guards or small businesses.

When I was homeless, out and down, I didn't ask for a dime from anyone.

I could of died, and no one, but maybe a few, would of cared...yet I'm to sacrifice big chunks of my income to take care of millions I don't know, and whom would never even invite me into their house.

Society has simply gotten way way to big...you can't manage a society this big, you just can't.

To many styles, people, cultures, tongues, different heritages and more, all trying to live under the same roof.

It just will not work much longer.

In the past, the weak died, today, the weak are allowed to live and prosper...and become a drain to the strong.

(sorry, it's just my current mood talking)...

I just feel 'off' right now...and maybe that means change is coming.

Or maybe it's nothing a good nice long weekend can't fix.

We shall see...

Green eggs anyone?

I was in a egg type of mood today, so decided to have a bit of fun with thee imagination and a bit of digital trickery...

I wish that's all I had to do all week.

I don't like the new place I'm at, nor do I like being forced to work everyday.
Working every day does not serve me, it serves industry, but it doesn't serve me.

My time and days are special to me, it's all you got.

You get to a point where time matters more than a measly check.
It's not how hard you work, it's how much you earn.

I can work hard for a whole year, and still not earn what a securities exchange member of Wall Street makes in one sale.

I've heard this work hard crap all my life, and am about sick of it...it's a fluke.
High salary is what makes you wealthy, not hard work.

Hard work pays off in sales, or where you can earn as much as your labor allows you.

And hard work pays off if your planning on starting own business...and are working hard just to save money, to start business...so that you don't have to work so hard, and can hire others to work hard for you.

I'm not obligated to work, or stay at any place that doesn't benefit me in the long run.

I can either complain about it or make some changes...

Loyalty makes no sense in the business world if your loyalty isn't rewarded with high pay, earnings, contract ect.

My mood just changed on Friday, like someone flipped a switch or something.

Then I went out last night, gave away a lot of money.

At least when I go out I can just pretend I'm a celebrity, act as rich or poor as I feel like it.

But on the other hand, there's more constructive ways I could spend my time than going out.
And I must make some changes here soon.

Can't keep doing the same thing and expecting different results.
My whole life kind of needs an over haul.

The above self portrait, I took that this morning.

I use to always take artistic self portraits...just haven't been in the spirit to do so lately.

We always look at others peoples beauty, and potential, while sometimes failing to realize our own.

Whatever decisions I make today, will effect me 5 years from now.

Just like the decisions I made 5 years ago, have me where I'm at now.

Sometimes I just want to get a RV and just run away...run away to some far off small cabin type mountain town.

But no matter where you go, you still have to find work, that's what sucks.

Not the work part, but the fact that usually employment opportunities are small, hard to come by, in far off remote areas.

No wonder everyone plays the lottery...cause people just want to be free.

Just not sure how many more rebounds I can handle.

Someone who has 5 million dollars, has no idea how blessed they are...at least from this worlds stand point.

There's just no more lessons working hard and labor can teach me.