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Post by X factor on Dec 10, 2013 20:25:58 GMT -5
I'm in a very solitary mood right now. I was scanning C/L jobs...amazing how low paying most are...at least the unskilled labor jobs... Like $400.00 a week is average...$1600 a month...how depressing...how utterly depressing. Full time work at $400.00 a week...who could wake up for that? In the year 2013...people in America still earn $400.00 a week, full time...wow. You would have to work two jobs...heck even people who earn twice that still feel the need to work 2 jobs...but what's the end game to it all? In this system, seems either you're fiscally big, and have plenty, or are always just barely hanging on. And after a while you get tired of always barely hanging on, and just want to let go. It's a viscous deceptive trap...this system. And it's entirely to big for any one individual to over come all by themselves. When I was homeless...I stayed by myself...did not want to be corralled around stupid people. I was a loner homeless type...never ever stayed at a shelter. Cause no one looked like they wanted to go anywhere...like all were content being bums. Being homeless doesn't mean you have to be a bum. Right now...I really don't want to make it in the system...cause I see how rigged it is, but at the same time don't want to really live out there on the streets anymore. There's really nothing pretty about that either. I think I want what many want now...and that is to just be left alone...to be able to exist in moderate comfort, without having to toil at some worthless meaningless labor job or low wage retail job. Right now you have to basically be retired to enjoy that... How nice would it be to retire from BS, while still young, and have your health. To just not have to be ensnared with the day to day mess of worthless back and forth motion...  I don't need none of it anymore...industry, high hopes of making it...none of it...all I want is to be left alone... |
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Post by X factor on Mar 2, 2014 7:21:16 GMT -5
I rode my bike around downtown yesterday evening and early night.
In fact I'll maybe share some photos I took of abandoned buildings, and certain scenes.
When I bike downtown, I often bike past areas I use to dwell to remind myself how far I've come, yet how close we all are to that reality.
Many are still only a few months away from being homeless or a rural camper.
As a homeless person you're basically camping out in the city instead of the mountains.
And when homeless, you eyes open up to a lot of places within urban areas, that are quite solitary, your survival depends on finding such spots.
And when homeless the less you have the better.
When I was homeless, I never really looked it, cause I never walked around with 'stuff', thus taking on that dirty drifter look.
Not only that been when I was homeless I did laundry regularly, and was always clean.
I still worked, and thus still had to retain a civilized look....I worked and was in school.
Going past certain homeless shelters now depresses me, there's nothing inspirational there for me to see anymore.
I never stayed at shelters, did not want to sleep around such concentrated slothyness.
Did not want to sleep around people who lived up to every ugly stereotype about them to the umph degree.
These people can be like vampires in that they'll feed off of you if they sense you're positive and have your act together.
There's sides of being homeless, the social aspects, that many working at the shelters do not ever see, or want to.
Homeless Governments and heiarchies, of homeless dwellers, with own territory, realistate and everything.
When I was homeless I studied how all this worked, and used self as a 'lab rat' and injected myself into such groups, simply for observation purposes.
It's how I made it through being homeless, is always seeing everything I went to as some kind of temporary assignment of life.
But I was also fortunate enough to have a vehicle to sleep in, and so was never exposed to raw elements of weather.
If I had to actually sleep 'on the ground' I more than likely would of sought shelter in a upper floor abandoned structure.
to be continued.
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Post by X factor on Mar 2, 2014 16:08:18 GMT -5
 To a homeless person, this multi story abandoned building, buildings, would be like paradise. (click to enlarge) |
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Post by X factor on Mar 15, 2014 12:48:28 GMT -5
Sometimes I think, know, I waste more time, energy and resources trying to 'stay in the game' than simply stepping out of it again. In that you're tricked into thinking if you step back into system 'Your some body' and 'will have stuff'...when as a matter of fact you really won't, and don't. You basically have just enough to sustain your basic needs until major illness strikes or you loose job. Secret...the less you have, the more money you're able to save, assuming you work. When I was homeless, I had less, no place to stay, but money stayed with me a lot longer, cause I had nothing to spend it on. By not having a house or apartment I saved $6000-$15,000 a year or more or so. And add onto that all the auxiliary costs that come with having home/apt...heat/ac, water bills, cable, internet ect. It adds up. And most peoples incomes are barely above their monthly cost of living. When homeless you don't have to worry about smacking down $700-$1,500 dollars every month. When homeless and working, more of your check stays with you...about 80% more of your check stays with you. So you're able to save large volumes of money without any payments, unless you have vehicle, then you have auto insurance. Where as being in the system, all you do is blow all your earnings every month on mandated bills so that at end of year it's as if you didn't even work cause you're still, and always, just a few weeks from having nothing. And that's how the Government and Enterprise want it, they want to bleed you of your resources as you progress along. Milk you like a cow of all you have.  Make you feel like you're somebody, until you loose your job, then two weeks later you find out you're nobody, as you loose everything that you really never had, you were simply 'renting your status'. Gotta cut this short, to be continued. |
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Post by X factor on Jun 14, 2014 11:24:59 GMT -5
The constant pressures of not being homeless, or living in the system, can at times be a lot more stressful than simply being homeless, and getting by on far less.
The constant strain of always having to labor, whether in good physical or moral health or not, to pay bills, can even lower your immune and health.
It takes a lot of time and energy and resources and motivation to stay 'in the game'.
You trade a lot of your time and energy and income for the appearance of normality.
And you waste $1000's of dollars every month on rent, and associated expenses...money you could be saving for future.
And once you fall behind, it can be near impossible to dig self out.
But when you have or own or rent nothing, there's nothing to fall behind on, thus a tone of pressure is lifted off.
I'm seriously thinking going back off the grid in near future.
Life was more simple, and I was more simple, and didn't stress as much, wasn't forced to labor like a slave.
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Post by X factor on Jul 13, 2014 15:45:41 GMT -5
Sometimes I think 9-5 life is killing me quicker than life off the gridAs one who was homeless in the past, I can honestly say I felt more alive, more connected to life, when homeless, than I do now, now that I'm back in the system. For one, when I was homeless, I worked less, but got to keep more of my money. For two, when I was homeless I was around people daily, daily, nightly, I was around other induvisuals whom were going through similar circumstances. I felt less lonely when homeless than I do now that I'm back in system.When I was homeless, there were no 'walls', now that I'm back in system, all you do is work, pay bills, and give away all the money you earn. You're brainwashed into getting this, getting that, told you need this item to be 'legitimate'...so you just end up working, working some more, and broke most of the time. Only now you're locked in behind home, or apartment walls, where no one wants to socialize, where every ones paranoid, snobbish ect. The streets are a lot different. In The Streets people are much more open and honest and talkative. More willing to give you their time, to listen ect, cause after all where are they going to go? I met more interesting people while homeless than I ever do while back in the system. But that's just me. I'm not saying the 'system' is bad for everyone, just depends on many variable. If you're in the 'in crowd', than the system is great. But if not, all the system does is drain you of your income. Yes, you're physically comfortable and probably more safe, but other than that not sure. All the money you earn gets sucked right back out of you in insurance, rent, mortgage, utility bills, credit cards, cable, phone, cable ect. Where as when living in the streets, homeless or semi homeless, all the income you earn you get to keep. So you can almost accumulate money quicker. Work less, yet have more spare change, assuming you work. When I was homeless I worked, was employed, so I wasn't completely cut off. And when current lease expires, I often fantasize about becoming homeless again, living at shelters. I could save $800 + per month by doing that. 800x12= $9600 a year in savings! I could save nearly $10,000 a year by being homeless again, or living out of vehicle. Talk about a pay raise! Heck, I could get one of these...  Pay cash for it, again, and just live for free basically. Unless you have a big family, hobbits, all the system does is suck all your money out and away from you, and you end up broke all the time while feeding others in the system. But in the end you end up with nothing. I'm seriously considering returning to my gypsy roots...
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Post by X factor on Aug 30, 2014 16:36:15 GMT -5
I'm tired...mentally, of the system. Physically I'm in pretty decent shape, but mentally, spiritually, I'm tired of the system. Tired of giving time and energy to a system that no matter how long and hard you work you're still only a few weeks or months away from nothing. Really tempted sometimes to go back to 'street life' or 'gypsy life' or 'live out of RV or Van' life. Being in the 'system' is extremely expensive. In 5 months, being in the system can cost you... (average generic expenses) 1. Rent = $700 2. Cable = 80 3. utilities = 80 4. Storage = 70 5. phone = 60 6. Auto insurance = 120 7. (add payment if you finance auto). 8. Food = around 120 a week totally depending on if living alone or have family..lots of variable with food. 9. Health insurance = 250 a month 10. Misc spending = 300 or more a month  700 + 80 + 80 + 70 + 60 + 120 + 350 (food)(low estimate for single person) + 250 health insurance + 300 misc spending...= $2010!!The average single person or modest couple can easily spend $2010 dollars a month just on the basics. Yet may only generate $2300.00 total. And we're talking basics here, no Professional ball games, fancy bikes, brand new TV's, vacations, fancy clothing. So most, today, are basically generating just enough income to barely stay above the surface. But on the other hand, if one says 'screw' the system, and is willing to live off the grid, while in the system...than they would get much more bang for their buck. One can be homeless and still work, be employed, only now they're banking $1500 a month instead of giving it all back to the system. I know. It's odd how you can work less, yet have more in account, cause you're not wasting it. But of course there are set backs to being homeless, living in van, out of shelters. Cause you're around a lot of loose canons, no privacy, and at times no dignity. When you're homeless, dignity can be hard to find at times. Just depends on if you're homeless alone or with someone else. When two people are together, nothing else matters, but when alone you're kind of dependent on others for moral support. But I will say this, when I was homeless there was never shortage of people to talk to. People on the streets are a lot more open about things than people in the system. This may surprise some but being homeless was some of the most fun years in my life. But that's cause I approached it differently...I had a 'can do' attitude about it. I knew I was going to rise above it, and could, anytime. Where as some fall into that pit and never escape. And they begin to physically mutate into their environment. Me, I stayed slim and healthy all the time. Was in school, and was employed. Others write books about stuff like this, I guess I wasn't smart enough to. Even now if I wrote book, it would amaze people, but no one seems to care. And I never seem to run into 'opportunity creators'... So I simply share stuff for free, mainly for my own therapeutic benefit. |
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Post by X factor on Sept 1, 2014 8:33:52 GMT -5
Wash your Clothes! When I was homeless I never inconveinced others with dirty hygiene or begging. And is why I still kind of have a disdain for those out there who still do. I lived amongst them for a while, and not all of them are worth feeling sorry for. Some homeless types are just straight up nasty individuals who made awful choices in life, and now want to burden others for hand outs. And some are even crooks and predators, in that they prey on the vunerable, at the street level. While most are locked away inside safe apartment or duplex or house, most have no idea what's occurring behind alleys, under bridges and in parks at night, as people scramble to survive, seek shelter in safe spot, and sleep. As one who was out there, I know the types who are nice, and the types who are just 'lost', no matter what you do are say to them, they're just lost. And one sign of someone who is lost is when they stop doing their laundry, and become unaware of how their soiled clothing smells. Once someone who is homeless stops taking care of their personal hygiene than they're nearing or have crossed the point of no return. That's why when I was out there, I was always clean, always did laundry on regular basis, always had mirrors, bathed ect. But then again I always stayed employed and for a time was even in school, so I had to maintain a level of civility. And luckily I had vehicle to stay in, so I was out of the weather. If not I would of had to either stay in shelter (gross) or just gotten more clever.
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Post by X factor on Sept 19, 2014 15:15:12 GMT -5
Being Flynn An interesting movie I just now discovered on HBO. A movie starring Robert De Niro and Paul Dano (2012), about a younger guy working at homeless shelter and his father, who's some kind of has been writer, ends up in shelter... The images in this movie, which centers around a homeless shelter, brings back a lot of memories for me. I was homeless but only stayed in shelter once, in Spokane, WA, years ago. After that never ever again. The whole take off your clothes and put on a robe thing, just not my style or taste. I will never stay at homeless shelter, as long is in right state of mind. Can't explain it. I was homeless but not spiritually desolate. Big difference...and I can't sleep around the spiritually desolate. I told everyone at those shelters, the phoney workers, to 'F' off, by never using their services or allowing them to demean me. I would of rather have starved than be subjugated to that system. I don't need your food, I needed opportunity to succeed. It's hard to explain, but this movie brings back a few memories. Being treated like cattle, shuffled, looked at as a soulless being. Servers, and everyone else there for their own purpose and gain, but not yours. Being FlynnCool movie...worth watching...as Father and son have to deal with each other in the oddest of dynamics. 
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Post by X factor on Sept 19, 2014 15:28:45 GMT -5
Also, while watching this movie 'Being Flynn'...I wonder why people always have to hit bottom, in order to form groups and reach out to one another, like AA or drug addiction groups, rehabs ect.
Yet if you're intelligent, have no vices that hold you up, no one wants to ever meet you.
That's just odd to me.
It's like you, others, people, want you to hit rock bottom in order to reach out to you, but if you never hit the bottom, they ignore you.
There's some sick phycology behind that mindset.
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Post by X factor on Sept 20, 2014 12:00:54 GMT -5
Sometimes I feel like going down to homeless shelter and just pretending that I'm homeless...fooling with them, and acting out...
A $20.00 bill to homeless is like a million dollars.
Sometimes I just feel like going down to shelter, acting out, and when they say 'Hey, you must leave'...telling them to shove it.
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Post by X factor on Oct 16, 2014 19:26:40 GMT -5
Sometimes I think the Key to happiness is just not giving a 'F'Looking back on my homeless period, I can honestly say I was happier back then, for many reasons. I was less lonely, less isolated, felt more free, less burdened, and just don't worry about things. I lived as an alley cat, from day to day.  I was free, owed no one nothing, and wasn't trying to get anything. But I wasn't totally detached, still had part time job or jobs, still had vehicle, phone, and other basic stuff. But didn't pay rent. The nights could be so quiet. Of course being homeless isn't the ideal situation, but just saying, compared to now, when drafted back into the system, all it seems you do is pay 'tolls'...you're still only a few checks away from being homeless again. And all the money you make simply goes back into maintaining the basics, rent, insurances, utilities, repairs, and other stuff, not to mention if you have small business, fees to the Government. So now it's as if you're simply being milked. Laboring just to labor. When I was homeless I labored less, yet had more security...if that makes sense. Now it's as if I labor just to labor, and once back in the system, unless you earn incredibly more than you pay out, you're just spinning your wheels for nothing. Aquiering junk for nothing, storage, buying food your body don't even need...just going through the motions. When I was homeless I prospered in many ways, spiritually, learned a lot about self and became very tough. Didn't care if anyone liked me or not...I was still soxy and in shape. Now, back in system, isolated, sort of, have dwelling, but no real interaction like I did when on streets. STREET people just seem so much more alive, talkative, energetic, and desperate. Once people get home, house or apartment, walls just seem to go up. Not saying I want to be homeless again, but if I was could save a hell of a lot more money than I am now. I could probally save a 1000 or more a month if homeless again, while working full time. Live in vehicle, or shelter...and just save save and save. Then buy land or house with those savings, instead of wasting it on temporary today stuff. As long as I'm clean and look good to self, not others, but self, than I can just about handle any situation.
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Post by X factor on Oct 29, 2014 7:52:42 GMT -5
I was tempted to walk away from it all yesterday evening, after repair after repair, bill after bill, one can just project ahead and realize unless you make 10 times more than bills, you're not saving anything. You have to make, generate income, so much above and beyond what your bills are, that if you don't it's hard to get ahead or prosper, instead you just go through the motions, earning enough to get by one more weak, until even to old and tired to do that, then what? It's kind of senseless. Then bombarded with adds, which are like death to me, another form of death in that adds talk to your wallet/purse, and could care the less how you're doing personally. Being in the system is not all it's cracked up to be unless wealthy, and not having to worry about basic survival bills, otherwise it's like being a Jackal on the African plains always searching for scraps.  Most people now days are simply working hard to be poor. Makes no sense. |
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Post by X factor on Feb 15, 2015 14:27:56 GMT -5
Take a field trip down town from time to time When you think you have it bad, sometimes it's refreshing to just take a trip downtown, and see how others are living, getting buy...and what you see, find, may shock you. For one there's not a lot of stress, for most have let go of everything accept the basics..(as I once did). And prove that you can live outside the system, sustain self, and still be perfectly happy. In modern economics driven societies, we're always told you need 'stuff' in order to be happy or to validate your life or success. But when you go downtown on the weekend, when all the business centers are closed, you observe just the opposite. You observe common people talking and interacting with one another, something many don't have who are considered better off. Most people who are considered 'better off' are just one or two checks away from desolation. And the stress that comes from staying above the poverty line can ruin ones life, happiness and turn one into a cynic. If you're stressed, go downtown, the downtown in your own city, and just observe watch and enjoy...you'll probably learn more from those you're observing than they will ever learn from you.
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Post by X factor on Apr 29, 2015 19:56:31 GMT -5
At this odd meaningless juncture in my life, I can actually say I was happier when homeless and had nothing, than how I feel right now. Ye, maybe just a passing mood. But when I had nothing, lived out of a Van, I really felt as if I had more. There was stress at times, but it was different. There was humiliation at times, but it was different. I just felt more refreshed and alive, especially at night. I was homeless in 2 places, one was a smaller college town, the other a large metropolitan area, each had it's own feel. But in both, night time was when I felt the most freedom, especially near downtown, cause that's when the world just clears out, and it's as if you have the whole city to yourself. But now city Governments are even making being homeless difficult, and instead would rather people work for pennies, stay broke, and live in some roach infested low maintenance dwelling with others you'd rather not be around. Sorry, but in some cases nothing is better than something. This idea that you gotta have stuff in order to meaning is a farce. It's a farce in that most can't, will never, obtain that 'stuff', but spend countless hours, efforts trying to get it. Slaving away at some labor job for nothing, just to get injured, sick and die. When homeless, you come back in tune with life, animals, cats, the birds, and other things around you that have nothing to do with profit. You actually feel 'rich'...very much so. Rich in that you realize you don't need nothing from mans system to be happy, that it's all already there. But than man lures you back into his system again, makes you think that if you just work hard enough at some low paying menial job, that one day you'll aquire a castle to live in...ye ok...  Ironically the freedom I speak of can either be had by being super rich, and buying yourself out of the system, or simply having nothing, and ignoring the system all together. Anything in the middle is a journey to who knows where. |
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