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Post by X factor on Jun 8, 2021 8:46:57 GMT -5
Ye, I'm realizing most people don't need or even really want a friend, unless in direct path of something they need.
I fool myself thinking that I can some how bring back the kind of friendships I had in high school and middle school, those days, types of bonds, gone forever, at least for me.
Now some people, depending on working environment or profession or social settings, do maintain and have those types of friendships for life, like College Fraternal orders, Sororities, sports clubs, secret society type of clubs as in 'The Moose Lodge' ect, Shriners ect.
Union offices, even elected politics will put you around people you see daily and grow close to, but if just common blue collar labor type, forget about it.
I'm totally detached from it all, everything, and I guess that's my own fault, and maybe faults not the right word, I guess I just had society pegged all wrong, I overestimated peoples ability to be 'human' or humane, maybe watched to many cozy TV shows while growing up that painted a rosey picture of society and people.
In reality it's a cold world and people are very cold and indifferent if you're a 'nobody'.
You only seem to matter when you fit other peoples stereotypes, as in what they fear, or when you have tons and tons of money and resources (leverage) to splurge on people or businesses.
But if just a ordinary person, forget about it, you may as well be invisible.
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Post by X factor on Jun 8, 2021 10:46:56 GMT -5
I realize I've put myself around the wrong types of people over the years, and even that's not fully correct in that you can't chose the type of people you're placed around.
But I've drifted from the 'main stream' years ago, the 'main stream' gives you 'structure', and a platform.
I've always wanted to 'make it' outside the mainstream, just to prove I could, and well, I did not.
Sure I'm relatively healthy and all still, but other areas of my life fall pretty flat.
I mean there are outlaw criminals that have more of a foundational family and friend life than even I do, how is that possible?
So that tells me that what ever 'my problem' is it's not based on 'behavior', or orientation or anything.
There are openly gay people that are married, elected to office, have a ton of friends, ect, so again, whatever 'my problem' is it has nothing to do with behavior or orientation.
I'm just throwing 'things' in there to make sense of this, nor does it have to do with morality, cause there are plenty of immoral people who again, have a ton of friends, family loves them, they're parents and more.
Plenty of corrupt people are embraced way more than I am, why is that?
There are people on Death Row, who have done hiddeous things, who have more emotional support in their lives than I do, why is that?
So that tells me it's not 'me', rather it's those, for whatever reason, I've landed around...but why me?
Why would someone like me, over the years, in the past, draw such shallow, fake types to myself?
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Post by X factor on Jun 8, 2021 12:03:48 GMT -5
Ye, the people I've been around last few years, maybe last decade, they just don't care whether I personally succeed or not, or even if alive, the only time they pretend to care is if it's work related, and do to my excellent work standards, but outside of 'work', I'm dead to them.
And I shouldn't keep dwelling on that cause it does me no good.
I have to move on in my mind, I just have to finally move on, and usually do until get drunk, then I try calling my past up, as if me being drunk will some how reignite old relationships.
No, it won't, not now or ever.
Not without leverage.
But I've learned everything in life is circular and follows a pattern.
And one day they will need me, question is will I be there for them?
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Post by X factor on Jun 13, 2021 0:09:17 GMT -5
This may sound odd, but the devil or god, or maybe the same, just told me to 'let go of the past, that includes demonic family and arranged demonic friends, or arranged friends, so will toss out address book
Why?
Cause when tried calling number heard odd knock on wall.
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Post by X factor on Jun 15, 2021 18:57:52 GMT -5
Terrible people
Terrible people won't even give you the chance to shine, they, for whatever reasons, will try to bury you while you're still alive.
(So don't ever tell me we're all alive, cause I'm always just the opposite, all I do is try to elevate people)
Also, terrible people will say this, like maybe if on social media or even in real life
'Oh, you just want attentions', with a snarky condescending tone, as if they don't?
What else is being alive about, other than attention?...if know of another reason let me know.
What do people dress up nice?, gloat when they get a new car?, brag about their hobbits? ect....who doesn't want and or even need attention?
For the opposite of attention is 'death'.
And people who say that usually have many friends, many family members, engaged in much, but if all you do is want 1 friend, 'Ah, you just want attention', they'll say, how sick is that?
And beware of females, they're not as smart as you think, and are responsible for, well I'll stop there.
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Post by X factor on Jun 17, 2021 2:44:13 GMT -5
Also, sometimes, maybe even all the times, it's best to leave the past alone, for digging up the past can be like digging up the dead.
Even if family, if 'you've been ignored 'forever' or for a long time, and people could like eat dinner, for years, without ever wondering about your well being, that means to them 'you're dead', could just as well be at the bottom of a Lake somewhere, and what would they care, as they eat their dinner.
Why would 'you' want folks like that back in your life?
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Post by X factor on Jun 17, 2021 2:45:01 GMT -5
Also, sometimes better to remain adversarial with some, cause it gives you better clarity.
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Post by X factor on Jun 17, 2021 2:45:42 GMT -5
And run from those who always want everything to seem as if it's your fault.
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Post by X factor on Sept 3, 2021 7:32:30 GMT -5
Talk about a enduring friendship
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Post by X factor on Nov 11, 2021 14:17:41 GMT -5
Why do some invite you back into their life, trouble you with crap, just to once again place you on the back burner?
It's funny, twisted, how 'evil' works.
Certain types want you in their life, to certain degree, they want you to care for them, but never care back for you.
So when you finally say 'enough' and move on, weeks, months, maybe even years later, they reach out, but nothing changes, now cause they know you're a passionate caring person, they once again have you worrying and concerned more about them than they are for you.
To me, that's 'evil'.
Going forward, if going to be in my life, than you better gdm well value me, as in if I call, non of this 'I'm at work' BS, or 'busy now' BS.
People like that think you're only here for their entertainment, or only here when they need you, or get jealous real quick and actually start helping other people out.
These types still hate or despise you, but for some reason want you under their control.
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Post by X factor on Dec 1, 2021 13:52:12 GMT -5
If the people around you don't support you, than they're worthless to you.
Like if you're in a business, no matter how small, if those closest to you don't patrionize your business, they're worthless to you, be they family or fake friend or ect.
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Post by X factor on Dec 5, 2021 1:33:42 GMT -5
Remember that movie 'Time Bandits'?, the original one, and how at end of the movie 'evil', a small piece of evil failed to get noticed and picked up?
The hobbit is like 'Mom, Dad, it's evil, don't touch it', they do and explode.
Well that's kind of like people in your life, when close the door, close the door, I'm realizing.
Don't let one in, and not expect others, through influencing them, to slither in, remain in your life also, not directly but again, through their influence on the one you are allowing in life, or it will turn into the same 'drain', nothing positive, just negative crap you walked away from initially.
When close the door on evil, close it all the way, no matter who knocks, keep the door shut.
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Post by X factor on Feb 6, 2022 15:24:28 GMT -5
Why do people always come into my life who really don't want to be there?
Why do they waste my time and energy?
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Post by X factor on Feb 8, 2022 18:23:18 GMT -5
My problem is I'm always looking back, and trying to share things with people, those, who could give a dm whether I live or die.
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Post by X factor on Feb 19, 2022 20:04:34 GMT -5
Identifying a 'rat' fraudulent skunk, I mean friend from the past. 1. Vanish 2. The first person you 'cut off' from the past who rears rat head...bingo. Questions like 'Are you OK?, 'So how have you been?' type sh_t. Questions an examiner would ask you, questions someone 'watching you' would ask you. These 'devils', can't stand you being out of their site for long. They're not, repeat not cops, for Cops actually follow a order of logic, the types I speak of do not. They're just ugly jaded individuals on the inside. Useful tools for ____ And when 'force' behind useful tool discovered and found...well.. "I know longer feel this way and have mellowed out a lot since that post.
Why have I mellowed out so much since that post?
Cause back then I felt others or another, was keeping me from the person I thought I loved the most, but then realized it takes two to keep a rumor or disparaging ideas about another alive. In other words, I now realize that I only have energy to fight for those who believe in me, not those I have to convince that I'm 'OK' to.
I realize now if have to constantly convince another that you're 'OK', than it's not you who has the issue, and I've learned to run from such types now or they will drive you mad and or you'll end up doing something stupid, getting yourself in trouble trying to fight for the honor or protect another who could give a half twit about you.
How many men or people are in jail, prison, have messed up their life fighting over or defending someone, just for that someone to walk away once they're life is ruined.
A guy will beat up another guy to prove his worth to a woman, then go to prison, just for woman to end up dating the guy he beat up to begin with.
That's just one example, so my take now is don't defend anyone who wouldn't do the same for you, don't allow self to be emotionally played and used.
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