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Post by X factor on Nov 12, 2019 20:53:28 GMT -5
Do you realize how many free thoughts I give away on here for free, and for that never so much as even get a 'thanks'....why are people so cruel?
Look at, add up , all the views this forum blog has accumilated over the years...lots, near half a million or more...which equals add money, which I could care zero about cause I get none of it.
But that being said, not even a 'thank you'...nothing, nada...why are people so cruel??
Explain that to me please?
Not sure if wanna spend eternity with those who claim to be 'righteous', and follow 'Jesus', if while on this planet act so warped.
I don't know...is it all a sham?
Some times I observe people simply use religion to justify their own ugliness within.
You grow, by simply admitting that in the end, nothing really makes sense.
If you pretend it does, simply to preserve own fragile sense of self, than you're apart of the lost.
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Post by X factor on Nov 13, 2019 21:35:16 GMT -5
One of those evenings where got absolutely nothing done, then before bed or rest, purposely eat like a pig, as if to comfort self, knowing goodness well not healthy to do so.
But eating food is like getting a hug from a bad lover.
Like posted elsewhere on here, better to be hugged by a devil than ignored by a saint, is how some see it.
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Post by X factor on Nov 26, 2019 20:19:35 GMT -5
Life is odd in that sometimes, a person, maybe at job, maybe in social environment, who you didn't like at first, life is odd how sometimes down the road, you realize the person you were conditioned not to like, turns out to be your best 'asset'...whether in business or other.
In other words, sometimes our own personal biases or egos or prejudices can keep us seperated from 'that one' or 'others' who can help us the most.
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Post by X factor on Nov 26, 2019 20:22:21 GMT -5
Life is odd in that sometimes, a person, maybe at job, maybe in social environment, who you didn't like at first, life is odd how sometimes down the road, you realize the person you were conditioned not to like, turns out to be your best 'asset'...whether in business or other. In other words, sometimes our own personal biases or egos or prejudices can keep us seperated from 'that one' or 'others' who can help us the most. Correct, in that sometimes the person you were loyal to, is the person who failed to help you to prosper, and instead used you as their own personal janitor. Never forget this. Love always wants to see you prosper, whether in relationship, business, fiscally, health ect. Where as jealousy, or selfishness always wants to see you 'marginalized'. |
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Post by X factor on Dec 2, 2019 18:37:52 GMT -5
Some times I envy, greatly, those who I deem cute and cuddly, but then again......
Some times, OK, often times, I find myself envying those who I deem to be cute and cuddly, people with a 'soft' inviting look to them whether male or female...if male they'd be known as 'Androgynous', or even angelic (in a human sense), in that they just have that cute look to them regardless of gender.
I mean I always envision being such a person would have all sorts of doors open up to me, social doors, invites here, invites there, places I could 'go' that the way I am now, 'cannot'.
We often, most all of us, have side characters in our minds, that character we wish we were, or could be vs what we really are, in the physical.
And sometimes I think the person in our minds, who we project ourselves unto, is who we really are.
All that aside...I envy the soft and pretty, until I watch like crime shows, and realize that 'the soft and pretty' often targeted for violence, soxual violence and or worse.
I think being soft and pretty only works if 'shielded', or in 'heaven'.
But often being soft and pretty in real world, this world, makes one the target of monsters.
Here's the thing about me, I'm 'soft and pretty' on the inside, nice and kind, but physically, the body given, others would not know that, and in a way maybe that serves as a 'defense'.
Here what I'm saying?
In other words it's as if the 'soft and pretty' inside is protected by the tall and handsome physical reality most react to.
Like protection, in a way.
Makes people, at least the stupid, afraid of me when they shouldn't be...but as such their being 'afraid' of me, initially anyways, is maybe what protects the 'soft and pretty' underneath it all.
So maybe 'God' did know what he or it, or they, were doing by placing my spirit withing this body of mine...I don't know.
I just know that being cute, soft, and pretty, in a dirty world, doesn't always lead to good things...I mean just look at the corn industry.
All that aside though, still would rather take my chances being cute soft and pretty or androgynous in looks, embraced and made to feel 'loved', than a Frankenstein to people.
I mean if going to get treated poorly anyways, would rather be treated poorly by those who 'lust' after me, my flesh, rather than by those who 'hate', me, and my flesh.
Only in 'The Zone', will you hear it broken down like that.
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Post by X factor on Dec 20, 2019 20:28:13 GMT -5
Do you ever find yourself wishing you were this person or that person, and what you'd do if had their body, or looks?
Do you ever find yourself wishing you were this person or that person, and what you'd do if had their body or looks?
I know I do at times.
Thinking that if I were this person or that ethnicity, I'd be 'loved' so much more and would run with that default love and make things happen.
Yet, amazing, those who are 'that or this' don't see it the same...funny how life works that way, and in fact they, inside, may be wishing they were 'you'...say what!?
LOL
Life is weird, in that we always think, assume, 'the other person' has it better than us, but do they?
Welcome to the Twylight Zone.
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Post by X factor on Mar 14, 2020 18:29:03 GMT -5
Sat Night
Saturday Night, here alone, the way I like it, I guess.
Watching the 3 Stooges on 'MeTV'...so if tune in 'now', we'll be watching same programming.
I like the 3 stooges, their comedy always brings me back to 'basics'.
I think of all performing arts, to do comedy you have to be very intellectually advanced and clever.
Comedy really has the ability to heal.
Insecure people are unable to perform, or understand comedy.
Also, in a million or less years, when Earth turns back into plasma, none of this will matter, and if won't matter, what purpose does or did it serve now?
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Post by X factor on Apr 1, 2020 21:27:07 GMT -5
Odd, I was looking at 'video' analytics on YT...
And they break down everything, I mean everything.
Even which 'tags' people respond to the most, and this is what I find interesting.
When I typed in 'male feet', 24% viewers responded to that tag.
Yet when typed in 'female feet' (within same tag pool), only 4% of viewers responded to that tag.
So either a lot of women into male feet fetish, or a lot of gay men into male feet.
Hmm...life is just odd, and keeps getting more odd by the day.
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Post by X factor on Apr 5, 2020 12:56:34 GMT -5
Be careful who you confide in
Be careful who you confide in...I know that's one of those 'no duh' type of statements, but it really isn't in that many of us confide in people we'd never suspect we shouldn't, and then wonder why all of our plans, ideas and goals seem to get stomped on.
To just be blunt, sometimes the person closest to you could be 'the devil', or better yet 'YOU'RE DEVIL'
The person or people closest to you may not always want to see you succeed.
Just look at results over the years, in that usually successful people are surrounded by good intentioned souls, on the other hand, if never seem to get anywhere in life, and always surrounded by same people or person, you gotta start asking yourself 'why?'....is there a connection?
And do the people around you seem happier when you fail, and confide in them, or when you actually do succeed?
Do they enjoy watching you build yourself up over and over again, just to fail, and then confide in them when you do fail?
A true friend will make sure you don't, or do not fail, won't allow you to fail, the other 'thing' or things, will stand by and delightfully watch as you hit that wall, and eager for you to come back 'to them', and sob.
I'm just saying, study your own life, who you're around, and the outcomes, cause sometimes those who want you to fail, and sometimes actively work behind the scenes for you to do so, are the ones you'd least expect.
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Post by X factor on Apr 11, 2020 14:43:11 GMT -5
Good time to learn new hobby, or is it?
With all this time off do to Corona, it's a good time to learn a new hobby, but here's what I fear and dread about that, at least for me.
I fear and dread, sure, I'll learn something new, that I've always wanted to do, but then as soon as getting into it, than reality will come crashing back in as in full time employment, and then slowly but surely, the extra energy to do hobby will fade, and it will become yet another thing placed on the shelf of life, on the 'Things to do but never did' shelf.
For instance, I've always wanted to learn 'animation', it's really not that hard, but the software it comes with can take a while to get to familiar with, so right about the time you get familiar with animation software is right about the time all this 'off time' ends, and yanked away back into the world of low wage nothingness, yet that nothingness does use up real time energy and resources in that it costs a lot of money to 'work', to get up and go to work daily actually is a big expense in itself.
Since staying home the last few weeks, or month, I've probably saved 400+ dollars by simply not going to any job...have saved in gas, food, and other misc spending you do when out and about.
When home, the need to buy everything you see goes away, cause you don't see nothing, other than what's on commercials.
I've even lost weight since being off, cause don't eat as much.
And when you stay home you just don't wear stuff out as much or quickly.
Back to learning a new hobby, in my case would love to learn how to animate, just very short sequences, or create own little 'gifs', for illustrative purposes.
And maybe I will...cause I don't know when this 'off time period' will end.
And there's like 'Free coding' classes you can take to learn Java and other programing language for novices, so yes, plenty to learn while off, but just keep telling myself as soon as I learn it, I'll have to return to 'regular routine', and then be disappointed that couldn't follow up on it.
But maybe should try anyways...
Here's a cool animation tutorial video...
There's all sorts of free open source animation software out there, this one here is one of the more simple ones, near perfect for begginers.
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Post by X factor on Apr 13, 2020 5:05:09 GMT -5
I was looking at like some decade old A-P, and just starring at the images, and wondering where those people are now.
I mean not Professional A-P, but casual A-P that people would upload to sites on their own, adult couples and all, interracial couples and all, swingers and all, just bored adults I guess.
That aside, I was just wondering, 'where are all those people now who so indulged' a decade ago?
Are they still doing that stuff? Do they even remember that they did that stuff, I wonder, and or does it even matter?
Me, myself, I never did any of that, I'm not that lucky...(chuckle)
Regardless, time and age and sickness catches everyone eventually, whether trying to behave like a saint, to impress some 'god' in the sky, or whether following all your impulses, time, age and sickness catches everyone, and in the end does any of it even matter?
When you see, like on TV, the body of a deceased person, does anything they did in life even matter to them anymore?
When you see someone in their 70's, well beyond their soxual prime, does it matter who they laid with 40 years earlier?
I mean what really lays ahead other than a body that begins to deteorate and break down.
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Post by X factor on Apr 13, 2020 5:13:11 GMT -5
Going to create new twitter account, ended last one hours ago. I don't like giving all my thoughts, intellectual, property away for free with so little in return. I had like 17,000 posts or so, yet only 500 + followers, it's all rigged. Yet some who only have 100 posts, have like 10,000 followers (pay to play). It's all rigged. So what I usually do is after a year of same account, I just end it, cause you put a lot of yourself out there, for others to steal, they'll steal your ideas, but will never give you credit for any of it. The election is over, so I need to start 'afresh' anyways. So later today will create new twitter account again. But unlike most, my identity is very 'plural'...so constantly evolving, devolving, and more. Sometimes artistic, other times political, other times militant, other times wimpy, other times, angry, other times full of humor, other times lonely, other times ambitious, other times not inspired, and on and on. It's why no one can figure me out, cause I'm to broad, like the galaxy. People want 'God' to be broad, but if they perceive you as being human, people want you to be small and predictable and fit into a nice neat package. Heck, looking back I'd dream of having 500 followers today, those days are long gone when twitter was 'wide open', before it became heavily monetized and politicized. And before all the foreign behind the scenes 'tech workers' begin 'shadow banning' people who didn't agree with their world view. Twitter indeed use to be fun when actually interacted with 'real people'. Now you can be on there for a year and maybe get 10 real organic followers if that, cause I think all the original twitter people are older now, like me, and have just out grown that platform...now it just seems more of a place to go for news, or where celebrities can put out press releases to their fans. But if just some ordinary user, not sure what use twitter has anymore |
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Post by X factor on Apr 13, 2020 5:24:54 GMT -5
I may have to go shopping soon, don't want to and haven't in weeks.
My main dinner on Easter?......a can of sardines, and could barely finish that.
I don't feel like being around people in stores cause the site of most will irritate me in that while I'm at home, losing weight, cause not eating as much, these fat shoppers have been indulging and hording stuff daily, so that when I do, or others like me do, finally go to store to buy some eggs, all shelves empty.
Now me, I've always eaten eggs, since avoid red meat, except on occasion, yet suddenly every Fat F under the sun wants to buy up eggs they totally ignored prior to Corona V.
Unlike 'them', none of my habits have changed, I've always been a 'careful' type.
I was homeless before, and basically living like that now inside of place.
I don't hoard nothing, and eat very little.
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Post by X factor on May 11, 2020 7:08:47 GMT -5
Dating sites
I guess one main reason why I've never joined a dating site is cause the following requirement seems dangerous to me, and reckless.
1. They require you, as a member, to post and verify your picture.
You may say 'so what', but I say 'no way'.
Why?
Cause in this day and age of image sabotage, you have no idea who'll access your photo and how they'll use it!
In fact, many sites, now days, are simply 'Fronts' for intelligent agencies, both foreign and domestic.
They'll pose as a dating site, and you, the dumb member signing up, will gladly send them multiple clear face shot pictures of yourself holding a piece of paper with your social security or birth date on it....are you hobbitding me!
You're basically giving them a future mug shot of yourself!
And or allowing con men to use your identifying photo to open fake accounts in your name, or to sell to collection agencies who are looking for you.
Are you hobbitding me?
Not to mention just general creeps who may be trying to stalk you, or set you up for black male later down the road.
I mean in this day and age of internet sabotage, where you basically can't trust any ones identity online, why do people still willingly send clear, bright photos of themselves to dating sites, where there images can be 'purchased', face scanned, and used for who knows what.
They could even super impose your face image onto corn sites, now people see you in corn, even though it's not you, but they have your face to make it seem it's you.
Of all the years I've been online, you'll be hard pressed to find a image of my face, a clear, non distorted image of my face anywhere, other than maybe a Government photo, as in driver license pic, ext.
I think years ago, when new to net, I did, maybe once or twice, upload image of self without 'bending it', but then realized 'Wait, this could come back to hunt me later down the road', and so wisely took them down, years ago, before the net became so treacherous, and looking back, so glad I had the wisdom to do so, to bad others did not....now their images, real images, plastered all over the web which can be used by anyone, in any nation.
So until dating sites stop requiring you to take mug shot of yourself, for them to sell to 3rd parties, I guess I just won't ever join one.
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Post by X factor on May 12, 2020 11:49:30 GMT -5
Getting a bit burned out on online stuff.
I went to store this morning, and I swear 5-10 minutes of interacting with real live people in front of you gave me more satisfaction than a week of online activity.
There's just no comparison.
Nothing beats real life interaction, or even talking on the phone, the energy is just more powerful.
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