Friend-O-Meter, true friend vs fraudulent one

I will destroy a phycic or Pastor or Priest or other, not physically, but intellectually, if you can't tell me the truth.

And if don't know the truth, are frail, than just admit it.

Now go ahead and tighten and curl your little toes.

Cause I'm the atmosphere that will cover you tonight.

Just hobbitding.

Cute babe with dogs barking in the background.

Yet how dare them give me such 'small advice' if they're really 'alive'.

If you're really alive, than you'll never ever be wrong.

Period.





You stay awake at night cause of people or 'beings' like us.

Sleep tight' is it?

Sometimes I see

Sometimes I see how others are faring, and then realize I actually don't have it so bad.

I realize most would crumble under my isolation, but through it all I remain so fiercely independent and take care of my own affairs.

I'll like get up, go out to store or to pay rent ect, and then I'll see others who look so much more frail than I do, frail, females and males, and I'm like thinking to myself

'Why am I not in their life?, or they in mine?'

It's like in public you have people in need who in public afraid, or don't know how to say they're in need.

So in public, everyone puts on a 'front' of being OK., when on the inside so many are crumbling.

I know I do, but with me it's more feeling 'lonely' at times.

The things I could of offered another person, as far as stability goes, and them in return would of given me the love and acceptance I've sought after for so long.

I don't know, just not sure how to remedy it, other than to maybe start volunteering and putting myself out there more instead of always buried behind this here computer.

I really need a change

I think back on people in my life a year or years ago, and nothing has changed, in that time, time just keeps aging people.

I was unlucky enough to always have the most uncreative (at least with me) types in my life, and where are they, we, today?....just older.

I never turned out to be that 'bad' person maybe they wanted or needed me to be, so they could justify their behavior or have something to contrast themselves to...well it never turned out that way, I'm still the same fun loving creative type who was shorted in 'my' dreams and aspirations cause always had 'dud' type of people around me...and today they're simply older and so am I.

It just seems like such a waste of a life, of life, of my life.

Every ones just getting older, no matter what, age will destroy all.

Life is so short and precious, other people in your life are and can be as well, it's a shame good some are at marginalizing others though.

Oh the things I could of done, or at least had fun trying to do, had I had a good team around me, like days of old.

Now, it just seems, most in every day life are turning into zombies, uncreative zombies.

Seems the only people with spunk are those who are still enrolled in school, as in Universities ect, where their creativity is funded and they're given assignments, as in film school ect.

But outside of that environment, most every day average people just seem to be such duds...paranoid duds who have given up.

Who have forgotten how to just 'play' and have fun.

Everything has to be either about sox, soxuality to types like this, and so they project that onto 'you' as if that's all you're capable of comprehending wanting or needing.

It's like it's either this or that, and to them nothing else exists in between.

They're held hostage by their own fears, and maybe by their own fears of fearing that they may actually enjoy that which they've been told to fear.

Fear makes and keeps people very small, and seems my bad luck has been to always have socially fearful people in my life...well I've gotten rid of them, and so now need, want, a new start.

Maybe it's to late for that, maybe people just to 'stuck in their ways' by now...but it's like the minute you stop trying, you die, your spirit just dies.

And for that reason I must keep trying, keep exploring new avenues of legitimate relationships, fun relationships where the spirit of creative adventure can be realized.

I mean gosh there's so much more to life than just the man/woman relationship or dynamic of life, so much more.(And no, I don't mean romance, if you're thinking that way than you to are so very small)(think non soxual energy)

Is why the older I get the more I start to resent religion, cause it shapes everyones mindsets, keeps everyone so small, even those who don't believe or pretend not to, are still deep down inside persuded by the influence of religion in some way shape or form, and it just keeps everyone so freagin tiny and small...and not until they're old and withered and ugly, do they finally realize how wrong they were, but by then it really is to late.

Wasted lives.

This may sound a bit self serving, but I've been alive enough to notice trends in my own life and those around me that I interact with.

And I use to always assume it was me that prevented some from wanting to get close, but then I realize it's not really me, well it is and isn't.

Let me put it like this, in person I have a great personality, assert confidence, order and a sense of stability...so you say what's wrong with that?...nothing.

Question - So why do you think it's hard for you to get close friends anymore?

Answer - Cause people are afraid of their own lust and passion, not mine.

In other words my record stands 'as is', can't be changed or altered in that I've never done anything wrong, as far as hurting another physically or breaking the law ect, it's just not in my past and I have more past than future, so why would people be hesitant to draw close?

Again, cause I do believe they're afraid they might actually like me, then what?

In other words I do believe they're afraid of their own passions that a person like me tends to draw out of them.

If they're a male, they're afraid their 'gay' side might come out, and if they're a female, they're afraid some inner fantasy to 'get wild' with a tall handsome male might come gushing out, and so that equates into a stand offish stance, not a unfriendly one, but a stand offish one.

kind of like casual distance friendships where sure can talk on phone now and then, but don't dare come over to my place or mine to yours or the passions could flow, is how I believe they see it.

But again, there no history in my life that says I would act any way but appropriate regardless if alone with a male or female, so cause there's no history of inappropriate behavior on my side, I know it's coming from 'them', the other side projecting their own fear of self or their own fear of lack of passionate control, onto 'me'.

-------------------------------------

When around guys, males, I make them feel 'charmed', and am agreeable, and just fun to be around, and when around women, same thing, is that a bad thing?

In a normal world, no, but inside the 'mind world' of individuals I've encountered over the last decade or so, it scares them...it scares them of their own fearful lack of control if alone with me, since I'm 'soxy' I guess...hmm.

to be continued, plumber man just showed up, they're fixing my sink.

People literally 'love me'...but are afraid to...does that make sense?