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Post by X factor on Feb 23, 2022 0:37:06 GMT -5
 Sometimes I think 'spacing off', is just my natural state of being. Spacing off, means to just sit, and think, while accomplishing absolutely nothing. I seem to be good at that. 
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Post by X factor on Feb 25, 2022 7:57:20 GMT -5
I'm thinking I really just don't want to get up and go to work today.
I want nothing to do with the chaos out there.
Man constructed this current world configuration, I most certainly did not and would not.
If up to me there'd be no large central Government and people would still be living in log cabins, and land would be free, like when the settlers first arrived, or better yet, like when the Indians were around.
There was no Indian Real Estate brokers.
Real Estate brokers have denied many people their Earthly heavenly realm do to making it so that have to be a millionaire just to live on gods green Earth.
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Post by X factor on Mar 26, 2022 18:39:36 GMT -5
 I need to start playing the lottery on a regular basis now, cause I don't care about odds anymore. I mean the odds of me prospering just working a normal job are higher than the odds of me winning the lottery. As you get older you start realizing what the hell do ya got to lose anymore. |
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Post by X factor on Apr 29, 2022 6:23:18 GMT -5
Back door evil is the worst type of evil, cause you never see it coming.
For instance, I don't mind being hated, what I do mind is when the person who hates you publicly pretends to be your friend.
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Post by X factor on May 18, 2022 4:23:16 GMT -5
a bit lost right now. I don't really know who or what I'm suppose to be right now. I feel more like mist.  I feel like mist, without form or shape, but yet here. Is there a reason I'm suppose to feel like this? Is this empty, hallowed feeling suppose to prepare me for something in the future, or near future or now? I don't know. I just feel like I don't have a form, at the moment. And becoming more and more desensitized to the people, their cares, and the cares of the world around me. |
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Post by X factor on Jun 3, 2022 11:29:26 GMT -5
This may sound odd, but when not use to being happy, or feeling good, or body feeling whole, when such moment does arrive, for no appearent reason, it can be scary, cause you won't know what to do with that moment or sensation or time.
Hard to explain, but when feeling whole, you suddenly have hope again, but hope in a dark world, and it's almost like being toyed with, because your conditioned mind tells you..
'Look what happened in the past when was whole and felt hopeful, you got crushed by the world'
Is what your mind tells you.
Not sure what to make of that.
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Post by X factor on Jun 9, 2022 6:14:43 GMT -5
I think everyone lives with a sense of doom, personal doom, that most of us just try to block out or ignore most of the time  I think most get to a certain age, and that age can vary with individuals, but we all get to a certain age where we know we're doomed, wake up in the morning feeling doomed, for medical reasons, social reasons, maybe political reasons, or religious reasons, ect, but most simply learn to live with that feeling or ignore it and not let it effect behavior or attitude, at least not when around others. Flesh is doomed, all flesh is doomed, one way or another. Or some chose to deal with it by making theater out of the fact that we're all doomed.
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Post by X factor on Jul 4, 2022 20:04:58 GMT -5
Most people seem so hyper dumb to me, like crumbs.
Dumb and stupid, without any plans beyond their next meal.
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Post by X factor on Jul 4, 2022 20:05:50 GMT -5
I so badly wish I had an intelligent person to talk to right now, but I don't.
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Post by X factor on Jul 4, 2022 20:06:40 GMT -5
I could give a F about the 4th, and brain dead types who think it cool to light off loud things that go 'bang'.
Fkn cavemen.
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Post by X factor on Jul 16, 2022 6:07:20 GMT -5
Another long meaningless day ahead, I wonder how much longer I can keep this up before even my bodies sense of self survival yells out for me to change things?
And yes, having purpose in life, feeling like you have purpose, is a part of survival, because purpose is linked to moral, which is linked to how you take care of yourself and so forth.
I feel do to the above, a change will have to occur within 1-2 months, not sure how yet, but can feel fate or destiny or who knows what, but I just sense something has to change soon, or will, whether I want it to or not.
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Post by X factor on Jul 23, 2022 23:39:17 GMT -5
In a weird, post work, zone right now, just sitting, thinking, sitting, thinking, writing, sitting, thinking.
I'm off for a few days though, so can do all the thinking I need to do, and then think some more if need be, and sit.
And then think some more after that.
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Post by X factor on Aug 1, 2022 10:38:40 GMT -5
My mind has really been focused on other things as of late, real life, real world things.
I know one thing for sure, tired of being let down by others, tired of others not coming through, whether a business, or business opportunity, or even individuals, in the end just seems no one ever follows through, so you end up wasting and exhausting so much time and energy in prep, just to get totally let down in the end.
Just getting tired of it, and about to just plow my own path soon.
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Post by X factor on Aug 31, 2022 21:37:43 GMT -5
as a hobbitd, it was easier to 'run away', cause you're young, still a minor, and everyone still had hopes and belief in you...so you could crash just about anywhere.
But as you get older, or when a older working adult, there's really no where to run away to, at least not for me.
Some are blessed, even as adults, to have a broad network of friends, and or rich family they could go stay with...not me.
I have nowhere to run away to, it's like I'm just stuck with the reality life has delt me.
And that really sucks at times.
When younger, I told myself I'd never get stuck or bogged down in one place for to long, and then it just happened.
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Post by X factor on Sept 13, 2022 12:34:23 GMT -5
Who am I trying to impress anymore?, other than myself.
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