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Post by X factor on Sept 29, 2022 22:46:32 GMT -5
 My mind needs to be deeply challenged right now, a good deep movie use to could do that, but good deep well thought out movies are rare these days. Maybe a good book could, would, do that, but when reading a book, I can usually only read about 5 pages max, before mind starts drifting. I just know my mind needs to be challenged right now, like when I was younger.
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Post by X factor on Nov 13, 2022 2:17:38 GMT -5
I had to work earlier today, assuming it's still 'today', as in I rolled around in bed for a while after getting home, then got up, did some channel surfing on TV, and now typing this, so it may be well after midnight. One thing I don't do is watch the clock when I'm off work. When I'm off from work, time has no meaning to me, well time does, but the clock, or knowing what time it is, does not. And so now I sit, in thought 'What should I do this late at night or early in the pre-dusk morning? Create a to do list? Watch a movie on either Prime/Disney/Hulu? Create some art of my own? I don't know. I wonder what if feels like to have a companion in your life, as in either married or living together, where thoughts like this don't even come together, cause when with another you're planning stuff together...or is that fiction? I've been single for so long I don't even know what it's like to plan with another, to be so compatible with another that you can make plans together and not have conflict...is that possible? And if I ever got another pet, in my current situation, it would have to be a cat.  But I'm older now and realize pets are no longer invincible, and to get one, means one day, unless you die first, you have to eventually watch it die of old age, illness or an accident, and I just don't need that kind of sadness. Anyways, my mind is drifting, got side tracked into reading news headlines, which 20 years ago or less, would be considered tabloid news. The media has really gone down hill lately, all they do is give ugly opinions now, and all their ugly jaded opinions do is dampen your day, so best to ignore. Now time to get on with the day, or early morning night. |
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Post by X factor on Nov 13, 2022 2:19:31 GMT -5
Cats really do seem to have a Kung Fu or Karate style of fighting I can see how martial artists get their moves from cats or other animals.
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Post by X factor on Nov 13, 2022 2:31:25 GMT -5
I forget just how much personality cats do have 
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Post by X factor on Dec 28, 2022 9:02:13 GMT -5
In order for me to make it another year, I need some consistent motivation, as in projects I can place hope in.
But just drinking will not be enough anymore.
It's going to be a quirky year for sure.
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Post by X factor on Dec 29, 2022 22:48:34 GMT -5
Sometimes you got to just know when to move on from a situation, like when the 'relationship energy' gets bad or soured...you just got to know when to move on; be it business, or other.
You just gotta know when to move on if want to maintain peace, and the older you get, at least if a decent person, than peace becomes everything, your own peace and to the peace of mind of those around you.
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Post by X factor on Jan 3, 2023 21:06:55 GMT -5
I wonder if I should just up and move this year? I wonder?  I mean if not now, then when? Cause if you wait to get to old, no one will want to hire you, and you'll just be to tired to move anyways. And if I did move, it would have to be a move that mattered, like a out of state move, but that's expensive....very much so. It's not like the olden days when could move to a strange city or town without a job, still get an apartment, and be employed within days or weeks. Now days if you move somewhere, they want you to have your whole life planned out first, unless, I suppose, willing to live in some rented room for a while. Actually, with the advent of the internet, moving is not as fun anymore, cause now you can just google anywhere or place you want to see, but in the olden days you had to get up, travel, to go see places.  Ye, so the internet kind of takes the fun out of moving. I don't know, I miss the days when younger, in love, and could validate moving to be closer to 'that love'...but now, It's just me, as such I really have no reason to move anywhere...unless won the lottery or came into some big money....cause to just move from one apartment to another, what does that accomplish? |
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Post by X factor on Jan 24, 2023 14:09:06 GMT -5
I always tend to prioritize others, but it's been years, maybe even over a decade, since anyone has ever prioritized me.
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Post by X factor on Jan 24, 2023 14:19:36 GMT -5
I wonder if I should just up and move this year? I wonder? I mean if not now, then when? Cause if you wait to get to old, no one will want to hire you, and you'll just be to tired to move anyways. And if I did move, it would have to be a move that mattered, like a out of state move, but that's expensive....very much so. It's not like the olden days when could move to a strange city or town without a job, still get an apartment, and be employed within days or weeks. Now days if you move somewhere, they want you to have your whole life planned out first, unless, I suppose, willing to live in some rented room for a while. Actually, with the advent of the internet, moving is not as fun anymore, cause now you can just google anywhere or place you want to see, but in the olden days you had to get up, travel, to go see places. Ye, so the internet kind of takes the fun out of moving. I don't know, I miss the days when younger, in love, and could validate moving to be closer to 'that love'...but now, It's just me, as such I really have no reason to move anywhere...unless won the lottery or came into some big money....cause to just move from one apartment to another, what does that accomplish?
Sometimes, staying in one place to long just bogs down the soul and imagination and creativity.
Moving is not cheap though, but nor is staying in one place to long assuming life can be measured by all the new opportunities one misses out on, new friendships, by either staying in one spot to long or keeping the same job for to long. |
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Post by X factor on Feb 1, 2023 13:26:51 GMT -5
Going forward, I need to totally revamp how I derive meaning from life.
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Post by X factor on Apr 3, 2023 16:18:34 GMT -5
I feel like the world is trying to erase me  I feel like the world is trying to erase me, and not sure why. Or that a certain few behind the scenes types, are dedicated to my eradication. Of course I can never prove that, because no such people or person would admit to doing so, but you can observe patterns in your life over a long period of time. Patterns don't lie....people do, but patterns do not. Anyways, I can't prove any of it, but I know it to be true, and only a matter of time before the truth is flushed out, for even evil types are eventually flushed out, washed out, by 'Time and Space'.
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Post by X factor on May 11, 2023 9:35:54 GMT -5
I've really been thinking lately, about a lot, about my relevance to this world, and or even to myself, which sounds kind of odd, but relevance to self does matter.
This whole online Universe, does it even matter to me anymore, should it?
Have I wasted years of energy inputing ideas and thoughts online to strangers, to bots, to marketeers?
Maybe I need to instead redirect all my energy, what's left of it, into real world endeavors, or real people I can see with my eyes.
Cause no one online will come to my funeral if I pass, it's like having a conversation with nothing, over and over again.
Maybe going forward I need to redirect my priorities if I hope to get some meaning out of life.
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Post by X factor on May 12, 2023 14:41:15 GMT -5
A part of me just wants to break free, let go, and just run away from everything....to include job, where I live, everything, just run away from it all and take my chances out there again.
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Post by X factor on Aug 22, 2023 3:12:02 GMT -5
What does being wise, smart, and full of wisdom even matter anymore, if at the end of the day always poor and broke.
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Post by X factor on Sept 28, 2023 7:52:57 GMT -5
The only comfort to me, lately, is the 'now' I'm living in.
I'm no longer comforted by the future anymore.
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