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Post by X factor on Nov 15, 2023 16:04:12 GMT -5
It's Wednesday, I'm here, what else can I say...  I'm here, haven't worked in a while, took a trip out west, now I'm back and, well...I'm here. Ugg. Is life ever going to get better?
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Post by X factor on Nov 22, 2023 22:06:10 GMT -5
I've been treating myself bad lately, that needs to stop I've been treating myself bad lately, and that needs to stop. I mean like mentally, putting myself down, my lack of success in this world, my lack of social status, lack of friends, lack of family, lack of money, lack of everything that pretty much makes you a happy thriving person, yet I'm still here, and still try to remain positive, for whatever reason or reasons. And when you put yourself down, it makes you want to drink more, as if torturing self, slowly destroying self. I just need to refocus on something, or things, that bring me joy (been saying that for years) Either way, I don't like abusing myself, I mean I don't abuse others, or animals, so why should I abuse myself, even if unhappy with self.
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Post by X factor on Dec 20, 2023 10:19:09 GMT -5
Supposed to go view a travel trailer today, but now, hmm, not sure if I want to.
Of course I had alcohol in me when set appointment, but now today, hmm.
What am I going to do with a new travel trailer?
Live in it, of course, but am I ready to make that change now?
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Post by X factor on Dec 20, 2023 11:41:45 GMT -5
It's Wednesday Woke up early, then laid back down, now up again, wow, what a sloshy day; and I need to get up, out and do some grocery shopping, yuk. Grocery shopping isn't fun anymore, do to prices, and well, it's just not fun anymore, feels more like a chore. When younger, grocery shopping made me feel independent, 'Cool, I get to buy my own food, oh how cool'... I still wish I were young and dumb still, seems being dumb just makes you happier. Anyways, it's Wednesday, off today, work tomorrow, yuk. Have to make a decision here soon.
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Post by X factor on Jan 10, 2024 11:50:18 GMT -5
It's Wednesday, sunny and cold It's cold out, it's Wednesday, and I've gotta get dressed, groomed, up and out, to restock food supply and few other items, maybe some booze. I've been drinking beer the last 3 days, and suprisingly I still feel pretty good, decent. I don't think it's booze that makes us feel bad, I'm learning it's stuff we consume or eat while drinking, that makes us feel so bad. Like for one, I've stopped drinking alcohol and coffee at the same time, cause the next day you'll feel like garbage. That and other stuff. I mean if have a overall good diet, and in decent shape, beer shouldn't effect you to much, but if already out of shape and eating crummy food, then ye, booze will make you feel worse. Anyways, all that said, I have a lot of meaningless stuff to get done, so may as well get started. It's Wednesday, and I'm still here...
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Post by X factor on Jan 17, 2024 11:40:15 GMT -5
It's Wednesday It's Wednesday, I suppose I should get up and get on with the day. It's a bit chilly in here, my soul and future outlook is also a bit chilly. I need to go shopping for food, but lately the stuff I buy rots before I can eat it. Anyways, it's Wednesday, so far nothing exciting to share, just another dull meaningless day of my life, I suppose.
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Post by X factor on Jan 31, 2024 17:33:05 GMT -5
dizzy feeet for Wednesday I have no issues with trans-feet, at my age, I could care the less. If people have nice soft feet, that probably means they also have nice soft souls as well. If men want to look cute, wtf do I care.
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Post by X factor on Mar 27, 2024 14:26:35 GMT -5
It's Wednesday  It's Wednesday, and even though I did drink some beer yesterday, I feel better to day than I probably should. But prior to yesterday I didn't drink for like 5 days, so the sobriety momentum is on the side of sobriety, that's good. I drank yesterday afternoon just do to a lot of stress, and needed a way to bring down that stress level. Cause when you drink coffee, tea, and other healthy stuff, your energy level just goes bizerk. Anyways, I'm about to step out for a bit, go to the bank, yadda and yadda. Also, I've been off work for a while, and that's probably also why my over all mood has been better lately. Just doing mindless work, a job you're no longer learning from, a job that's not getting you ahead in life, can become very demoralizing after a while, is why I'm glad I left that place. Anyways, it's Wednesday...
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Post by X factor on Apr 3, 2024 19:56:55 GMT -5
It's Wednesday  It's Wednesday, been slushing around all day, haven't gotten nothing at all done. I'm not working now, so it really doesn't matter. But odd, how when so used to working, so conditioned to life evolving around bills, your pay check, rent, ect, that when finally get ahead a bit, it's hard to relax, cause you still feel like you have deadlines to meet. It's a hard feeling to shake, to not feel guilty about just laying around....always the feeling of impending doom. That's just how we've all been conditioned.Anyways, time to get up, move about, and create a 'to do list'...and of course rent must be paid in less than 3 hours or I'll get a late fee of 100 bucks....money or no money, I haven't 100 bucks to give away for free.
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Post by X factor on Apr 10, 2024 9:42:30 GMT -5
I think it's Wednesday
Things are changing quick.
I'm about to go from the world of obscure online writing, to the world of real life production projects on real sets, and working with a real life industry pro/veteran.
I'm paying for it though (stupid me).
As such, I have to change a lot of my mental habits, as well as physical ones.
For one, no more drinking.
Drinking, at least for me, totally hampers my enthusiasm for anything, and totally messes up my moods, especially the morning after you drink, and during the whole day sometimes.
And I'll start having to utilize my time way way way better, no more vain 'to do lists', that have me doing things that don't matter for squat.
And I'm going to start getting back into near athlete shape, for my own sake, cause I'm going to need all the energy I can get, to get through this phase of my life.
I'm like doing a total life change, and not sure how to feel about it right now.
It's one thing to wish for things, and change, when you're drunk, its another thing to actually execute those changes when given the chance, and then you have other evaluating you as well = pressure = accountability.
Anyways, time to get started on stuff, no more ducking away from unpleasant tasks.
Time will tell if I'm up for the task or if I'm just a big bluffer to myself and or others.
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Post by X factor on Jul 17, 2024 15:18:24 GMT -5
Wednesday in the Twylightzone Today started off with a lot of momentum, I had high hopes early on that I'd get a lot down, but as usual, after 12 noon, things always seem to fizzle down to a trickle....before usually picking back up again after 7 pm, my energy level that is. I mean I have energy now, but not focused. Way to much stuff on my 'to do list', when I should just be focusing on my lesson plans for this film course I'm taking. In fact, that's what I'll do next, is spend 30 minutes doing film course stuff. It's best to rotate...film school stuff, fun stuff, film school stuff, fun stuff, and so forth. -------------------------------------- Ran an ad for a actor/model..hmm. C/L is bottom of the barrel type of responses. Anyways, need to do something constructive and fill my brain with some knowledge so can feel I'm making the most out of this day.
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Post by X factor on Aug 28, 2024 14:01:24 GMT -5
Dull Wednesday My life is about to change again, in drastic ways, at least to me, meaning I'm gonna have to find work again soon, and may chose to move, and just more rearrangements that will make things quircky for a while. At my age I want peace and stability, but that can be hard to find if not rich and have to find some terrible job that places you around nasty personalities all day. Or some job that just sucks, period. Income earning for most, is so dern exploitive...period. Anyways, it's Wednesday, haven't done a thing today, drank yesterday evening. Drinking just has to much power over me...I get bored, or feel anxious, I want to drink. Lately I've been doing better at not drinking, but if not careful can easily slip back into that habit. ------------------------------- Time to hit the 'to do list', and see where it leads me. I don't feel like doing anything today....not even taking out the trash...just want to stay inside all day, that's what drinking does to you, it shrinks you. It's Wednesday, lord have mercy on my soul.
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Post by X factor on Sept 11, 2024 13:34:14 GMT -5
Wednesday thoughts It's been a while since posted on here, just the luck of the roll, or dice. I've been posting on other blog posts instead. That aside, ugg, I drank last night, gross...and made a fool of myself on the phone and through texting. When I get drunk, I, I just lose it emotionally at times, mainly out of loneliness. I think if I were in a committed relationship, that side of myself would fade, but when lonely, oh well, what are you supposed to do? There is no cure for loneliness other than to not be lonely. ------------------------ I've spent most of they day in bed so far, just _____ with myself, and that's about it...but finally ______, so now what?? Anyways, maybe I can salvage what's left of the day. Kitchen light switch broke, oven don't work right, a/c unit fan stay on until I turn breaker switch off. I was doing so well a few days ago, in great shape, working out daily, then booze started slipping back into my life. I need to get back on track, it's not to late, just a matter of will power and choices. Still gotta wrap up film school stuff, resume, cover letter, synopsis and a few other things. Today, I feel like I'm covered in stupidity goo, just dripping in stupidity goo. Oh well, won't be the last time. Time to recover, may get dressed and force myself to exercise, even though it's drzzling out.
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Post by X factor on Oct 3, 2024 10:28:19 GMT -5
I think today is Wednesday I think today's Wednesday. Slept in late as usual, and well, my future, that's another story, mess. Lot's going on in the world right now, floods, wars, union port strikes...but none of it affects me right now. Just microwaved and ate some left over lamb meat. My fridge is crammed with food...I don't eat like I used to. I remember about 3 years ago would spend at least 100 dollars on food, not anymore...but then again I'm not working. Working makes you hungry. Actually, since not working, I'm actually getting in better shape and health... When I work, the job wears me out mentally to much to want to workout...is why I dread going back to a normal driving type of job...or any mind numbing labor type of job. My future is very uncertain right now and when it changes, will change suddenly...one minute I'll be living in relative comfort, the next minute, gone, outta here, maybe in some old used RV...talk about a life change. Oh well, it's do that or continue to be a slave to rent and dump 1000+ dollars a month on living expenses. Being poor really does suck...yes indeed it does. It's Wednesday, I think.
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Post by X factor on Oct 9, 2024 15:10:12 GMT -5
Can't find a rain jacket for squat, where I live.
Not at Burlington clothing store, not at Walmart (sold out)
Other place Cabanas?, they're closed.
And fuel is low or out in some gas stations near the interstate where people from South Florida are evacuating.
What a mess, and the news radio station, up where I stay, is doing round the hour coverage of the hurricane...why?
I think all we're getting is some distant outer bands.
Anyways, I just wanted a full rain gear outfit so I could go walking in the rain later on tonight instead of being stuck in my place.
I have to exercise, rain or no rain.
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