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Post by X factor on Nov 15, 2023 16:04:12 GMT -5
It's Wednesday, I'm here, what else can I say...  I'm here, haven't worked in a while, took a trip out west, now I'm back and, well...I'm here. Ugg. Is life ever going to get better?
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Post by X factor on Nov 22, 2023 22:06:10 GMT -5
I've been treating myself bad lately, that needs to stop I've been treating myself bad lately, and that needs to stop. I mean like mentally, putting myself down, my lack of success in this world, my lack of social status, lack of friends, lack of family, lack of money, lack of everything that pretty much makes you a happy thriving person, yet I'm still here, and still try to remain positive, for whatever reason or reasons. And when you put yourself down, it makes you want to drink more, as if torturing self, slowly destroying self. I just need to refocus on something, or things, that bring me joy (been saying that for years) Either way, I don't like abusing myself, I mean I don't abuse others, or animals, so why should I abuse myself, even if unhappy with self.
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Post by X factor on Dec 20, 2023 10:19:09 GMT -5
Supposed to go view a travel trailer today, but now, hmm, not sure if I want to.
Of course I had alcohol in me when set appointment, but now today, hmm.
What am I going to do with a new travel trailer?
Live in it, of course, but am I ready to make that change now?
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Post by X factor on Dec 20, 2023 11:41:45 GMT -5
It's Wednesday Woke up early, then laid back down, now up again, wow, what a sloshy day; and I need to get up, out and do some grocery shopping, yuk. Grocery shopping isn't fun anymore, do to prices, and well, it's just not fun anymore, feels more like a chore. When younger, grocery shopping made me feel independent, 'Cool, I get to buy my own food, oh how cool'... I still wish I were young and dumb still, seems being dumb just makes you happier. Anyways, it's Wednesday, off today, work tomorrow, yuk. Have to make a decision here soon.
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Post by X factor on Jan 10, 2024 11:50:18 GMT -5
It's Wednesday, sunny and cold It's cold out, it's Wednesday, and I've gotta get dressed, groomed, up and out, to restock food supply and few other items, maybe some booze. I've been drinking beer the last 3 days, and suprisingly I still feel pretty good, decent. I don't think it's booze that makes us feel bad, I'm learning it's stuff we consume or eat while drinking, that makes us feel so bad. Like for one, I've stopped drinking alcohol and coffee at the same time, cause the next day you'll feel like garbage. That and other stuff. I mean if have a overall good diet, and in decent shape, beer shouldn't effect you to much, but if already out of shape and eating crummy food, then ye, booze will make you feel worse. Anyways, all that said, I have a lot of meaningless stuff to get done, so may as well get started. It's Wednesday, and I'm still here...
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Post by X factor on Jan 17, 2024 11:40:15 GMT -5
It's Wednesday It's Wednesday, I suppose I should get up and get on with the day. It's a bit chilly in here, my soul and future outlook is also a bit chilly. I need to go shopping for food, but lately the stuff I buy rots before I can eat it. Anyways, it's Wednesday, so far nothing exciting to share, just another dull meaningless day of my life, I suppose.
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Post by X factor on Jan 31, 2024 17:33:05 GMT -5
dizzy feeet for Wednesday I have no issues with trans-feet, at my age, I could care the less. If people have nice soft feet, that probably means they also have nice soft souls as well. If men want to look cute, wtf do I care.
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Post by X factor on Mar 27, 2024 14:26:35 GMT -5
It's Wednesday  It's Wednesday, and even though I did drink some beer yesterday, I feel better to day than I probably should. But prior to yesterday I didn't drink for like 5 days, so the sobriety momentum is on the side of sobriety, that's good. I drank yesterday afternoon just do to a lot of stress, and needed a way to bring down that stress level. Cause when you drink coffee, tea, and other healthy stuff, your energy level just goes bizerk. Anyways, I'm about to step out for a bit, go to the bank, yadda and yadda. Also, I've been off work for a while, and that's probably also why my over all mood has been better lately. Just doing mindless work, a job you're no longer learning from, a job that's not getting you ahead in life, can become very demoralizing after a while, is why I'm glad I left that place. Anyways, it's Wednesday...
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Post by X factor on Apr 3, 2024 19:56:55 GMT -5
It's Wednesday  It's Wednesday, been slushing around all day, haven't gotten nothing at all done. I'm not working now, so it really doesn't matter. But odd, how when so used to working, so conditioned to life evolving around bills, your pay check, rent, ect, that when finally get ahead a bit, it's hard to relax, cause you still feel like you have deadlines to meet. It's a hard feeling to shake, to not feel guilty about just laying around....always the feeling of impending doom. That's just how we've all been conditioned.Anyways, time to get up, move about, and create a 'to do list'...and of course rent must be paid in less than 3 hours or I'll get a late fee of 100 bucks....money or no money, I haven't 100 bucks to give away for free.
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Post by X factor on Apr 10, 2024 9:42:30 GMT -5
I think it's Wednesday
Things are changing quick.
I'm about to go from the world of obscure online writing, to the world of real life production projects on real sets, and working with a real life industry pro/veteran.
I'm paying for it though (stupid me).
As such, I have to change a lot of my mental habits, as well as physical ones.
For one, no more drinking.
Drinking, at least for me, totally hampers my enthusiasm for anything, and totally messes up my moods, especially the morning after you drink, and during the whole day sometimes.
And I'll start having to utilize my time way way way better, no more vain 'to do lists', that have me doing things that don't matter for squat.
And I'm going to start getting back into near athlete shape, for my own sake, cause I'm going to need all the energy I can get, to get through this phase of my life.
I'm like doing a total life change, and not sure how to feel about it right now.
It's one thing to wish for things, and change, when you're drunk, its another thing to actually execute those changes when given the chance, and then you have other evaluating you as well = pressure = accountability.
Anyways, time to get started on stuff, no more ducking away from unpleasant tasks.
Time will tell if I'm up for the task or if I'm just a big bluffer to myself and or others.
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