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Post by X factor on Mar 25, 2022 21:41:26 GMT -5
The recovery room  The recovery room.
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Post by X factor on Mar 25, 2022 21:55:06 GMT -5
I don't think I need the bed monsters anymore
I don't think I need the bed monsters anymore.
I think the bed monsters have reset me, cleansed me, which was kind of a self punishment at the time, I suppose.
Not sure.
I just know now, within my mind and where I have arrived after that ordeal, I feel as if the bed monsters have done their job, which was to bring me to a new realization about who I am in this world vs who or what I thought I was in this world.
At this moment, I haven't felt this clean and pure in ages, I'm assuming it will last, not sure, cause as we all know, life always presents new angles and challenges, like a glass maze or something.
But I can only deal with this moment 'as is', if this moment is different tomorrow, than I'll deal with it 'as is', tomorrow.
We shall see.
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Post by X factor on Mar 25, 2022 23:09:20 GMT -5
Me, well I'm arriving somewhere, but not sure where yet, just feels wherever I'm arriving now or soon, that 2 weeks ago I wasn't going to arrive at the same place that I think I may be arriving at but haven't yet.
You see, I'm not use to feeling physically whole, I'm just not.
Like most, it's usually pain that defines me, not feeling physically whole.
That pain can be emotional or physical, but pain is how in the past I was forged, not always though.
First emotional, than the physical.
But now the physical has subsided, and the emotional pain, has resided, sort of, and so now, or at least within recent days, I feel whole, and not sure what to do with that.
I'm use to using pain to make excuses for myself for not moving forward.
Pain, regardless the manner or form, is a convient excuse to not get ahead.
Well one thing for sure, I'd better figure out how to handle feeling whole before the whole feeling goes away.
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Post by X factor on Mar 25, 2022 23:16:14 GMT -5
I feel safer around monsters in my head, who sometimes project themselves into physical objects.
But I feel safer around mind monsters, why?
Cause their needs are simple, all they want is 'you', you give them 'you', and they're content.
Like feeding a alligator or something, just throw some food in it's mouth and it's content.
But man however, man is never content with his ever complex mind, and intent behind that mind.
When I walk out into the world of man, is when the horror really begins.
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Post by X factor on Mar 25, 2022 23:21:26 GMT -5
There's a saying, in another section on here, in the 'proverbs' section on here that says 'If you sit still and stay on one place long enough, Hell will find you' Or something like that, and I think that's true. If we sit still in life for to long, fail to advance or movie forward, than indeed hell will find us. Is why we always need to keep moving forward, cause hell will find us if we don't.  |
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Post by X factor on Mar 26, 2022 9:56:12 GMT -5
I have mixed feelings about leaving my 'comfort zone' The door is open, what do I do, do I leave? The door is open, what do I do, do I stay? Oh why do I hesitate? I hesitate, I suppose, cause I probably have no where else to go, not yet anyways. I have created a comfortable comfort zone for myself here. If I don't 'self love', than I won't know love at all, for the world is incapable of loving me, and sorry but that is the reality I face daily. And so in order to survive I have to love self, on many different levels, cause nature always seeks a balance. So ye, the door opens every now and then, but until there's someone waiting on the other side to receive me, I think I'll stay put.
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