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Post by X factor on Jul 1, 2024 20:32:47 GMT -5
I feel like I'm emerging from hell, after yesterdays drinking I literally feel like I'm crawling out of hell, a place I feel I've been since all of today do to my drinking yesterday night. It's like I literally get possessed when I drink, and a spirit comes out of me and guides me to do and say things that when sober I would not. And or even go certain places that I doubt I'd go if sober, as in a LGBTQ club. I went to one last night...nothing happened, didn't even really meet anyone, and was there for less than 15 minutes, but the fact that I went, is what's so eerie to me. Cause bad things happen when you leave the sanctuary of your own home, for sure, especially when in party mode....you say stupid things, people take things the wrong way, violence can occur, or you can get in a wreck and more. Prior to yesterday I was doing so well...and most of yesterday, until around 4 pm, when I started drinking beer...shame on me...I was sober for the previous 6 days. I didn't even answer the phone today, didn't go into the 'studio' to learn anything, ignored my so called instructor, all because I drank to much yesterday. Again, shame on me, and today I've been sealed off from the world, and phone is still off. Hell has had a hold of me all day long...but I'll rebound, I garuntee you that....and lessons will have been learned, for sure...hopefully anyways.
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Post by X factor on Jul 19, 2024 23:19:01 GMT -5
Music
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Post by X factor on Jul 22, 2024 13:29:02 GMT -5
The devil is good at invading that one little space you have in the world, where you can find peace to think, to create, whatever....the devil doesn't even want you to have that one little space, and will invade that space usually through another's inconsiderate behavior.
It's why the devil, demons, darkness, love evil people, cause evil people are their tools.
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Post by X factor on Aug 13, 2024 19:33:32 GMT -5
I know a other worldly force exists, if it's the devil or not, I don't know.
Maybe we're to quick to label things we don't understand as being of or from the devil.
You can tell, if you pay attention, how things are planned, or the timing of either good things or bad things in your life, our life.
Walking out the door, and having someone there you didn't plan to encounter, like perfect timing.
Everything is about timing, that timing either works in your favor or against your favor.
I mean the timing of some occurrences in your life rival the odds of winning the lottery.
Certain coincidences happen to frequently, I guess what I'm trying to say, to be coincidences.
If the force in your life is in favor of you, the coincidences that occur in your life will be favorable to you, if the force in your life is against you, than the coincidences will work against your favor or interests.
And again, whether this is a God or a Devil pulling those strings, who knows...or just millions of rogue spirits, again, who knows.
I just know things occur, in all of lives, over and over again, patterns that have been observed for years, decades...that make us aware something else is going on, but not solid enough that if explained to another they'd get it, unless happening to them as well.
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Post by X factor on Aug 29, 2024 8:26:12 GMT -5
 My thing is this, when doesn't the devil ultimately win? Everyone I know who lives long enough eventually loses, and in a bad way, they get sick, lose everything, lose everyone, then die. Some, I suppose, die with people around them, but not sure how that's any better. I think I'd rather die alone than to have people around me who can't do anything just staring and gawking and thinking who knows what. It's why animals go off alone to do, other animals don't sit there watching them die....it's a dignity thing, I suppose. ------------------------------------ But that aside, I'm not now, nor have I ever been a match for the devil, or for God or any other spirit entity. I'm flesh, not much more higher on the scale of life than a goldfish.  ------------------------------------ I think hell begins for many of us before we die, and maybe you can only experience hell if alive. Maybe death is actually the only way to escape hell for some. Seems fate decides ahead of time our outcome here on earth...so maybe earth is simply where we're all carrying out our sentences from another existence....who knows. All I know is it's Wednesday and that time is no longer my friend and that it was stupid of me to ever think I could beat or outwit the devil or any other entity that hoovers around us, or this world. I'm less than nothing, but, but, I'm here, I'm self aware, so all I can do is live while alive, blows and all. |
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Post by X factor on Aug 29, 2024 8:30:26 GMT -5
This hymn is fitting for this page 
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Post by X factor on Nov 14, 2024 7:34:46 GMT -5
Today I woke up, and as I laid in bed I asked myself 'Why am I even still here?'
And the answer that came to me in my mind was 'So that we can continue to torture you'.
In my mind it was like that answer was coming from both God and the Devil.
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Post by X factor on Nov 20, 2024 12:10:21 GMT -5
 What is the devil? A real entity or just any force that opposes us, our will, our desires? Maybe both, either way I feel like evil or the devil has won, at least with me. I live now, it seems, just as a slave to always do stuff that's not optical for me, just going through the motions type of stuff, where you slowly die doing what you hate to do, being around those you don't connect with, and thus never prospering. I hate the devil, but there's nothing I can do about it, I've exhausted everything but nothing ever sways my way cause I'm surrounded by devils. Anyways, time to get up, start moving around, and fail at whatever it is I attempt to do. |
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