Male depression does exist

I know one thing, I've gotta think of ways of making myself happy or feel happy this holiday season or who knows.
And I don't wanna find happiness through the bottle, cause that'll just make it worse.

I'm lost right now, and not afraid to admit it, I'm just lost, not sure where I'm going anymore, for many reasons, I suppose.

As a older male, I do get scared a lot now, nervous about my own future, and path in life.
Once you lose your sox appeal as a male, and take on that older look, outside of maybe your own family (if lucky enough to have one), than you're nothing to society, unless rich.

If a poor, older, male, you're nothing to society, your usefulness as labor has passed, and then just become a soup kitchen type.

Oh well, will that be my reality soon?

Who knows, only fate does..

Yes, I'm a bit depressed right now, but have the right to be, since I've lost everything lately in a apartment fire.
And no, didn't just lose 'stuff'.
files, discs, memories, passwords, shoes, clothing, pictures and more.
Stuff I spent years, decades accumilating. it's not just 'stuff'....it's my life, things that made me who I am, things that defined me, and my past.

I'm in a new place now, but feels more like I'm in a grave, as if buried alive.
This new place has no soul to me, nor should it.
How can a new place replace a decade of comfort I had at my last place.
It can't and won't.

When you're an older guy, no one cares about how you feel, or even thinks you're capable of grieving.
You qualify for practically zero help, you're just own your own fiscally and emotionally.

Anyways, the new day is here, but that does little to make me feel better right now.

I ended up taking that bike ride after all

I ended up taking that bike ride after all, so glad I did.
I need to recapture the enthusiasm and vigor I had all throughout the summer, and the hope that drove me.
I want, need, that 'me' back...that happy me, no matter the odds, always happy and putting a positive spin on things, that's the me I really do need right now.

I need the me that's both mentally and physically fit, for my age, and I need the tough me.
I need a lot of me's right now to be frank, but just the positive sides.

===============================

Where I stay, it's still relatively warm at night, so able to walk or bike even after dark. In fact, I was wearing shorts and a muscle shirt, and almost sweating.

Anyways, that's just the first step on rebuilding myself up.
If fit and confident, I can handle anything, it's when I start drinking, again, and become lazy, and paranoid, and sad and depressed, is when the world becomes to much for me to handle.