Exit points, gateways, and collisions..

Read the above on a refresher course of gateways and valves, and how our lives mysteriously steered by events that then lead us to another place, for another event to steer us.

And it really never stops until something ultimately good occurs, or ultimately bad.

Like for myself, a few months ago tree fell on car, car totaled, got a little back, but not much.
The good thing is I had no more payments, plus new car insurance which came to around $400.00 a month for both...not having those payments took a lot of fiscal stress away.

The bad thing is now only had one vehicle, a older one, past it's prime, and this thing not meant for day to day commute, but been driving it anyways cause all I had.

But just knew, could predict, in back of mind it would break down on me sooner rather than later, and sure enough it did break down today, on way back home from work.

So there I am, in the dark, and not the best part of city.

And I'm done putting money in this thing, just am, pumped over 2 gran in it earlier this year, what a waste, what a waste...but again, that two was a gateway, a gateway that looking back totally wasted my money, cause van still broke down.

Now here's what the 'forces that be' want of me, the forces that be want me, are trying to steer me to buy another car truck, but I don't want one, I do, but gshdarnit I'm tired of just when getting to a nice fiscal spot, something always going wrong and eating up my cash reserves.

I'm tired of working just to work, buying stuff, just to work, work costs! going to work daily actually costs more money than people think, and I'm tired of playing this game, I really am.

I'm running out of energy to keep 'recovering', just for something else to go wrong, and gobble up more of my money a few months later, it's like a cycle, and I'm tired of it.

Now if I go out and spend 3-4 gran cash, on decent used vehicle, plus insurance, plus plates, this and that, 4-5 gran easily, and for what, the right to work?

So it's like I'd be losing money to work, cause would take me half a year to earn that money back....so what's the point?

It's like going in circles...and time and energy isn't infinite.

So I don't know...I have to make some important choices here within days.

Yes, I'll finish off next to days by probably catching cab or uber to work, but then have 4 days off to think about next move.

I like this new job, but the commute is far.
Or could secure work much closer, which would almost allow me to get a scooter for less than 600 dollars until able to actually afford decent vehicle again.

I'd basically be spending half a years worth of saving, that's money I save after bills, just for job, again why?

But the other irony is this job is only 3 days a week, I've dreamed of a job like that forever.

If get another job, than would have to go back to working every day, as in 5-6 days a week, and that to I don't want.

So my options are

1. Waste money on another vehicle, cash price, and still be poor, but at least would have access to job with agreeable schedule.

2. Quit the job, and try to find something a lot closer, so close that maybe wouldn't even need another vehicle, until saved enough to just out and right finally move up out of this place.

I don't have the answer or solution right now.

I just know tired of going in circles and being guided by gateways and valves that seem to direct our course in life through mishaps which then lead us down another course or pipe, or 'cube', until it to spins and we're tossed into another reality.

It's like I've got this curse of 'getting no where' that I'm under, like that movie 'The Cube'.

And just keep going in circles.



I want out of this cube, my personal cube of hell.