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Post by X factor on Dec 22, 2020 19:56:37 GMT -5
 But oddly enough, other than the effects of that 'van gogh' drink, my respatory system feels just fine, as in no 'cold' or anything, it's as if that drink drove all viruses out of my body. |
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Post by X factor on Mar 15, 2021 2:38:32 GMT -5
Sometimes I think there are concepts and places worse than hell
You've never heard that before until now, ever.
But ye, sometimes I think, practically know, that there are concepts and places worse than hell.
For the one thing hell is not, and that is customized to fit 'you', us, I, them whomever.
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Post by X factor on Mar 15, 2021 2:40:17 GMT -5
I think there are places, depths, people can go within their own minds that make 'hell' seem like recess or a 'time out'.....
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Post by X factor on Mar 15, 2021 3:08:38 GMT -5
Hell is a concept that punishes 'you' while alive, not when you're dead and gone
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Post by X factor on Mar 27, 2021 0:27:37 GMT -5
I feel like I've landed in hell  I feel like I've landed in hell, what does that feel like, it feels like 'nothing'. That is feeling 'bad', for whatever reason, emotional, physical, to much to drink, ect, and not being even able to emotionally react to it. Like standing above flames of fire, yet not able to cry, or react or change anything. It's about 'regret', making a promise you now wish you hadn't, to more than one person or places. Building expectations beyond your ability to fulfil, and more, living around hellish non caring people, and more. Knowing how clever 'evil' is and not being able to do a thing about it. Wishing could erase past 10-20 years of your life, but can't. And like laying down in a bed of flames, where there's no rest for the mind until finally fall asleep. Knowing full well you will one day 'die' one day, without ever being understood. Knowing there is no 'justice', nothing to hold people to 'account' for lying or believing in stuff that's not true. There is no justice, just self serving monsters that roam around. People build power and leverage off of lying about others, if they tell the truth, the lose their power over others. Hell is not having anything better to occupy mind other than the above. Oh well, it's 'my own hell' and so will lay in it for now, and the 'for now' ending is just for hope.
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Post by X factor on Mar 27, 2021 0:30:20 GMT -5
Everyone in life makes mistakes, but when you make mistakes around those who don't even really like you, it makes it feel even worse.
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Post by X factor on Mar 27, 2021 0:34:19 GMT -5
I feel like I've landed in hell I feel like I've landed in hell, what does that feel like, it feels like 'nothing'. That is feeling 'bad', for whatever reason, emotional, physical, to much to drink, ect, and not being even able to emotionally react to it. Like standing above flames of fire, yet not able to cry, or react or change anything. It's about 'regret', making a promise you now wish you hadn't, to more than one person or places. Building expectations beyond your ability to fulfil, and more, living around hellish non caring people, and more. Knowing how clever 'evil' is and not being able to do a thing about it. Wishing could erase past 10-20 years of your life, but can't. And like laying down in a bed of flames, where there's no rest for the mind until finally fall asleep. Knowing full well you will one day 'die' one day, without ever being understood. Knowing there is no 'justice', nothing to hold people to 'account' for lying or believing in stuff that's not true. There is no justice, just self serving monsters that roam around. People build power and leverage off of lying about others, if they tell the truth, the lose their power over others. Hell is not having anything better to occupy mind other than the above. Oh well, it's 'my own hell' and so will lay in it for now, and the 'for now' ending is just for hope. The battle lays within your own mind, and that to is where the victory will be found, within your own mind. |
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Post by X factor on Mar 27, 2021 11:04:26 GMT -5
I feel physically better now for some reason...I would say I feel 'magically better', but I'm sure it's not magic to why I feel better, there's a physiological reason I'm sure.
I do know I took some distilled white vinegar, along with other types of vinegar I normally take, and some Aspirin...and ate some ages last night...who knows...I just know for all of yesterday felt like I was in 'hell', the pain in the jaw area like some kind of massive toothache or something, and then drinking so could forget about the pain, and then the matching thoughts, it was a mental and medically rough day for sure and a ugly phycological one for me as well.
I'd imagine myself in different chambers of 'hell' being tormented by various non human entities, beat up, ravaged, humiliated, molested and more, things you'd imagine odd creatures doing to you deep down underneath some planet a million miles away, and no one there to hear your pains of anguish, no one but other monsters who feed off your misery and dispair.
Yes, yesterday was a dark place indeed, but then now, this morning or today, all the physical pain is gone...hmm.
And afraid to eat anything, cause what if something in the food is what triggered it all?
I don't know, I just do know for the moment it seems I've been let out of hell for a while, all just so I can go to work and enter another kind of work place hell...wow.
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Post by X factor on Apr 16, 2021 10:28:53 GMT -5
My pattern of life seems to be 'If it can go wrong it will'
That seems to be my pattern of life, if it can go wrong it will, if something can go bad it will.
1. Everyone who lives lives around me are introverted snobs
Than why the F move around me!!
Why, cause I'm safe?...like how birds will nest around humans, cause they sense predators don't come around humans, yet bird is still wild?
Why make my life dull, so that you can feel safe?
I'm not some lifeless prop.....and when I finally move, and things implode, then 'they'll realize how lucky they were to have me as a neighbor.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Oh wow, such a good good employee, the best ever, they say, yet during off hours never invited as a guest anywhere, never invited 'home' to meet this or that family member or this or that friend, no wonder I'm still single!!
Well if no ones ever going to talk to me I don't need to live around anyone, and when I move, they'll see what a blessing I was.
And when women do move around me, they're like jumbo sized fat and look more manly in the face than I do!!
Or they're super old senior citizens, like the Golden girls!
Or they're Lesbians!
Never does a normal, regular 9-5 employed type of female ever move next to me, do they even exist anymore???
Years of my life wasted living around Odd ball females with side issues!
I'm not here to protect and comfort no one anymore if no ones going to protect and comfort me.
Yet the minute I do get a 'date', then the whole world gets jealous.
Yes, last time, years ago, that I did actually have a date, all those around me got super jealous, tire flattened and other odd stuff.
How the hell are Lesbian women going to get jealous of me having a date??
I live in a freagin upside down world.
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Post by X factor on Apr 16, 2021 10:35:11 GMT -5
I don't feel I can no longer blame the 'devil' for when bad things occur, or unlucky things occur, for I do think there's only 'one force', and we're conditioned to make sense of that 'one force' by either blaming outcome on god or the devil.
But I think there's only '1 force'...but we're trained, conditioned, to think there's two.
Don't Christians always insist 'God is in control of everything'?
That should tell you all you need to know, if a keen thinker.
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Post by X factor on Jun 2, 2021 6:13:49 GMT -5
I'm beginning to think Heaven and Hell is what we live out while alive, rather than when dead.
I wonder how different life would be had man never invented the concept of heaven or hell or the devil.
I doubt it would be any different, looking back at past societies and ancient cultures, man would simply elevate himself in place of 'god', as he does now in so many modern type of ways...mainly by 'controlling' others.
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Post by X factor on Jun 5, 2021 2:26:46 GMT -5
Seems when you sit or stay in one place to long, evil just has a way of finding you 
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Post by X factor on Sept 14, 2021 11:59:52 GMT -5
Ever just get to the point where you feel like you're doomed, no matter what
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Post by X factor on Sept 14, 2021 12:06:01 GMT -5
Ever just get to the point where you feel like you're doomed, no matter what  Yes, I feel that way all the time and more and more now. I realize now I'm no match for this world, not even. |
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Post by X factor on Oct 22, 2021 6:28:16 GMT -5
I don't feel like hell is on my tale, I wake up today feeling like hell has caught me.
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