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Post by X factor on Nov 8, 2015 21:04:34 GMT -5
Insanity
Insanity
1. When you stop believing in a loving creator and start believing that your existence is totally random, no different than that of a fly.
2. Insanity is wanting to be forgiven, but not having anyone, anything, you feel wants to forgive you. forgiveness takes love, it takes love to be forgiven, and if one feels they can't be forgiven it's because one feels they are not loved by anything.
3. Insanity is feeling you're no longer destined for anything.
4. Insanity is when you stop being a positive influence on others around you.
One of many remedies for insanity is love and purpose.
Love will give one a sense of purpose.
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Post by X factor on Nov 8, 2015 21:28:01 GMT -5
Don't come here Run from this house, this place. Run back to what you know. Run back to your comfort zone. And when you get there, hug someone.
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Post by X factor on Nov 8, 2015 21:58:42 GMT -5
 Forgive me for wasting your time, our time. |
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Post by X factor on Nov 8, 2015 23:16:11 GMT -5
I do believe tomorrow hates me.
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Post by X factor on Nov 8, 2015 23:35:13 GMT -5
I want someone to tackle me and beat me up right now, so that I can feel like I'm worth something  But after they get done beating me up, they have to apologize so that beating will have meaning. |
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Post by X factor on Nov 17, 2015 8:08:30 GMT -5
Woke up feeling absolutely terrible today, this morning before 8 a.m.
Didn't feel that bad last night though, but woke up feeling like my emotional guts had been ripped from me.
Even while I was dreaming I felt OK, dreams were decent, a few were troubling maybe, but nothing like how I felt when I woke up, which was devastated, not in a physical sense, but emotional sense, out look sense, reality sense, not being happy with current reality sense.
Never thought I'd get to a point in life when I feel trapped, and don't like any options given to go forward.
Where everything seems like drudgery.
And where I feel I'm only used for labor and not a darn thing else.
Have to look people in the face whom I despise, people who robbed you of opportunity to get ahead.
Yet wasn't strong enough, didn't have enough motivation or zest, to carve out a new path.
It's hard to have drive when totally alone.
No emotional back up or nothing.
Like fighting the war of self preservation, self actualization, all alone.
No one tells you 'Hey, you can do it, just keep trying, I got your back'
Nothing like that that many take for granted, instead you're just all a lone, knowing how little value you have to others.
Life wasn't meant to be lived like this.
I mean even rotten people in criminal orginizations have support, emotional support, where as I have absolutely none.
I have to tell myself that I'm worth something, cause no one else does.
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Post by X factor on Nov 19, 2015 6:23:01 GMT -5
The less alive you feel the more you prod yourself to feel alive
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Post by X factor on Nov 19, 2015 6:27:03 GMT -5
Tomorrow arrives like a horrible storm, full of wicked intentions and terrible lies
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Post by X factor on Sept 17, 2016 5:20:49 GMT -5
If could go back and erase parts of self
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Post by X factor on Dec 4, 2016 2:34:09 GMT -5
Day started off OK, feels terrible now Day started off OK, now feels terrible... Been spending way more money than I should on 'toys', that don't work right after you buy. Cheap crap that comes from overseas that tries to pass as 'legit', electronic stuff, then when you buy, doesn't work right, know where to return it. And no one gives proper reviews online, on You Tube, half azz reviews that if they told you the details you would not have wasted money purchasing it yourself. Average people just aren't thorough anymore. No one seems to know how to right a 'report' anymore, a thorough examination of a product or item or service. As such people keep purchasing the same crap over and over again rewarding terrible manufacturer. I'm going to go to bed now, feel defeated in all areas of life. Just going to lay down now and let the subconscious mind have it's turn. Not much else to say, not feeling very hopeful about much right now.
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Post by X factor on Jan 15, 2017 20:36:36 GMT -5
Will get pulverized by life tomorrowTomorrow I will get grinded up by life, and time. There is no comfort for me, no one to lay head on...I just have to face it alone...  
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Post by X factor on Jan 26, 2017 9:07:16 GMT -5
This portrait needs a home and I can't think of a better place than here right now Home here, a place of utter rejection by all, but at least here you have a home to reside in, a place on the shelf, here, in the Twylight Zone.
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Post by X factor on Mar 26, 2017 21:28:22 GMT -5
Pulverizing weekend What a pulverizing weekend, socially speaking, seems everyone I encountered had a sower attitude. I didn't get nothing done, nothing accomplished, and as usual Monday sneaking up way to fast. I feel pulverized by my own circumstances. And doesn't feel like any things going to get better any time soon. The world I live in, exist in, just seems to be cold and distant towards my being. As if bad spirits jump from person to person, place to place, to keep my situation the same. Different people, same ole patterns. I feel pulverized, and helpless to do anything about it right now.
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Post by X factor on Jan 10, 2018 7:11:19 GMT -5
One thing for sure, I'm no more of a 'go getter'.
Go get what?
It's all a sham.
Not all people have the spirit or mentality to worship money, and to do what must be done to aquire it, which is pretty much be ruthless towards others, and rob self of own humanity.
When money is your god, it turns one into a monster, makes one lie, cheat, steal, rob others (corporate type of robbing).
Capitolism would be fine if people, I mean common working types, got paid enough to pay bills and relax, instead of always having to hussle, take on jobs that are dangerous, but low pay, there by risking life and limb just to still be poor.
It's all a sham, and those who say otherwise gain from the sham, or control the sham, and need everyone else, the labor pool, to keep believing things will get better, when they really never will.
It's all a sham.
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Post by X factor on Jan 10, 2018 7:21:32 GMT -5
Life just never stops charging at you, if you stop working out, you become weak, if you stop being a labor slave, you'll end up sleeping up under an alley, and getting chased off by cops, and city workers, and challenged by other homeless types.
It just never stops, just being a good decent person has zero dollar value.
That's when you know indeed, the all mighty dollar, money, has become mans god.
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