|
|
Post by X factor on Feb 19, 2024 9:21:01 GMT -5
 What do you do, how do you cope, when there's absolutely nothing in your immediate future that thrills you, excites you, makes you happy, hopeful, joyful, ect....how does one cope with that. |
|
|
|
Post by X factor on Jul 21, 2024 2:14:50 GMT -5
I'm not good at anything, not good at math, science, music, language, or money. I suck at everything. I get by instead on what other smart people have done and invented. Even if I went back into time 100 years ago, even the technology from back then would be to much for my inadequate brain to understand.  I have no idea what any of that means...  |
|
|
|
Post by X factor on Jul 24, 2024 8:13:18 GMT -5
Got my butt kicked yesterday by, well, by life, at least in my opinion Got my butt kicked yesterday by life, my life circumstances. It's like we all have an arena, a personal arena we're in, like in boxing or wrestling, and within that personal arena, either we win or we get knocked to the ground softly or hard or any other type of way. And sometimes we get double teamed by 'life', or even threesome teamed by opposing forces that work together to make our day or life miserable. These opposing forces can be internal or external...they can be our own personal bad habits or the bad habits of others around us, or bill collectors, or the IRS or a ex spouse, or illness, or the cops, or an accident and so forth. And what's a big deal to one, may not be a bid deal to another, as the saying goes we all have our own unique burdens to bear. Anyways, it's a new day, I'm still here, still in the arena, and my inner and external opponents are already trying to throw me to the mat again...how long can I stay standing today? 
|
|
|
|
Post by X factor on Jul 27, 2024 14:42:46 GMT -5
That feeling, that feeling where you just know you're doomed
That feeling, that feeling of feeling utterly doomed, like you don't have a chance in hell to succeed at anything, and that time and fate are just toying with you.
Oh well, what are ya gonna do.... 
|
|
|
|
Post by X factor on Sept 11, 2024 23:02:23 GMT -5
I feel like doom is catching up with me I feel like doom is catching up with me and that there's nothing I can do about it.
|
|
|
|
Post by X factor on Sept 13, 2024 11:28:38 GMT -5
Today is my hell Today is my hell, not physical hell but mental and phycological hell. Today, reality has got me by the throat, and as such I must make major decisions not that are nessisarily good for me, but that will keep me afloat. Don't ever tell me money isn't everything, cause I'll say you're a fool. When you have a ton of money, sure, it's not everything, but when you need more of it to buy you time, and don't have it, money is all that matters. When you have to decide between your dream path, and or going back to being a labor slave where your skills, or what you're good at, is totally devalued, simply cause you don't have the funds to responsibly continue training in what you love...then yeah, money is everything. Money is everything, when you don't have enough of it and need it. That's just how this world is, how it's been set up...not by me, but others. ------------------------------------ Anyways, I'm in my hell right now...it's not really hot, it just feels void and empty.
|
|
|
|
Post by X factor on Sept 13, 2024 18:59:31 GMT -5
Which is worse, hell or reality?
When alive, and going through your own hellish reality, I suppose sometimes reality can feel worse than hell.
Maybe the flames of hell represent reality burning through all your dreams and aspirations.
|
|
|
|
Post by X factor on Sept 13, 2024 19:02:20 GMT -5
My hell, at least this particular one, feels like nothing.
I just feel 'stunned', emotionally stunned and not prepared to 'fight on', cause you get to a point where you don't know what you're fighting for anymore.
Every corner you go around, there's just more 'life monsters' waiting for you, in the form of people, personalities, physical danger, illness, accidents, and etc.
You need a lot of motivation to constantly fight through all that, and even then it can wear you down, imagine trying to go through all of that alone, then what, where does your motivation derive from?
|
|
|
|
Post by X factor on Oct 8, 2024 19:45:17 GMT -5
I feel like I'm basically doomed.
Doomed can mean different things to different people.
To me, at this stage of my life, being doomed is that day I finally realize and recognize that none of my aspirations or dreams will come true...and that all that blabbering 'We all have a purpose' stuff, just never applied to me.
I have no purpose, other than the money I spend.
I matter to no one, haven't for decades.
I'm just here, fooling myself, convincing myself that there's more, that I was meant for more..yeah, OK.
Also, being alone will give you a different perspective about others, yourself, God, nation, society and more, that when always with someone or romantically paired, you don't get.
Don't get me wrong, I'd much rather be in a healthy relationship with another, paired, and not know what I know now, than to know what I know now and be alone.
-------------------------------
And that aside, truth is, is that if I haven't gotten it right by now, I never will...that's the fact Jack.
But of course, I can't allow myself to feel that way or I'd emotionally crumble, crack, so like most, I continue to feed myself a hopeful dream, just as a way of keeping my moral up.
|
|
|
|
Post by X factor on Oct 18, 2024 16:24:27 GMT -5
Reality can really bit hard at times  Reality, at least mine, can really bite hard at times. I guess some people can have very good pleasant realities, or we all can, at times, I suppose. But then there are other times when our own personal realities absolutely and totally suck and bite, as I feel mine kind of does right now. I guess it depends on what you want, wanted out of life, and what you expected of yourself to get you there. Some people do get more breaks than others, and other people, well, no breaks, just bites, big chunks of reality takes big chunky bites out of your behind. All one can really do is write about it as a way of relieving built of anxiety. And 'Time' also sucks, when reality sucks, so does time, which simply delivers you more of the reality that keeps biting. Oh well, what can you do about it.
|
|
|
|
Post by X factor on Oct 28, 2024 15:56:14 GMT -5
Today, as I sit here, I feel doomed  One of those days.
|
|
