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Post by X factor on Dec 1, 2015 5:49:47 GMT -5
Another mood, another spirit, brought on by circumstances.
More to follow as time allows.
The Zone.
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Post by X factor on Dec 1, 2015 10:16:17 GMT -5
Caged When reality of the mess you've created for self finally catches up with you and you end up being caged by your own circumstances, that you have created through all accumulated choices of the past. Caged, stuck, trapped, not by visible bars (although visible bars make a better reference) but by invisible economic, fiscal and social bars, and even mental and spiritual bars as well. Caged, stuck, locked in with no where to go. The following posts will reflect such a self imposed reality for some or many.
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Post by X factor on Dec 1, 2015 12:51:45 GMT -5
CagedI just feel caged by ugly circumstances right now, from the people living in close proximity, to not being where I want career wise, to always having to go back and work at place less than enthused about do to if not, running out of money and not being able to pay bills. Wish I were superman or that guy on 'The Matrix' where they just fly straight up into the sky and leave it all beneath them. But I can't. Instead have to trudge on, whether I like it or not, caged by circumstances, wings clipped, can no longer fly, at least in my own mind. It's all about your own individual expectations of self. Some one with no dreams, no past ambitions, or higher standards for self, would might be perfectly happy in my cage. You know, the typical types you see in cities, walking up and down side walks, to and from convience stores, littering, dropping their trash, as they eat their junk food. Types who mooch off of others, cheat the Government by claiming false stuff to get free money, life long moochers. Maybe someone like that would be happy to be in my cage, but their standards are so low that they couldn't even maintain the cage for long. It takes effort and a sense of responsibility even to maintain self within a cage, and that's what's so depressing at times. Cause while in the cage, it seems there's no hope of ever getting out, just seems the walls keep getting smaller, more people who don't like moving in closer. I'm begging to think I fit in with no one accept the super wealthy rich and the eccentric. I can't get excited about what's coming up today no matter what, I'm loosing energy, enthusiasm, not gaining it. But here in a few I'll have to deal with it no matter what. Oh well.
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Post by X factor on Dec 3, 2015 9:26:29 GMT -5
Don't feel enthused about much right now, or scheduleFeel dead on the inside right now...like just being dragged along, like dragging a corpse along the ground, movement just for the sake of movement. That's how I feel right now, just going through the motions, no color, no flavor, just going through the motions to get by. It's a deadening feeling, to be in environment where you derive no joy, to be around people in that environment that derive no joy from within, like being around other corpses. Usually most phases like this end, have no visible insight to how this one will, see nothing hopeful, to me, in immediate future, just same bland existence. Oh well..
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Post by X factor on Jan 17, 2016 21:45:06 GMT -5
Already feel caged, caught and captured by tomorrow I already feel caged, captured and caught by tomorrow. Tomorrow has nothing to offer me really. I will wake up, expand energy, work, and come home as broke as when I left. A wild and free goose, will probably get more out of tomorrow than I will...  At least the goose is free, doesn't have to pay rent, or any other bills, can soar up in the clouds, or swim in a lake, no particular schedule to keep, and always has companionship, either other geese or a mate. That geese really has it going on compared to myself. And best of all geese never worry about whether they're going to heaven or hell. They just live until they die, and don't worry about death until it arrives. Just not sure what tomorrows going to give me. Kind of like what did a slave have to look forward to from dusk to dawn? I mean the night before being forced to go out into field, or work on Pyramids, or ect, what did a slave have to look forward to from up coming day? Unless one has own family, or in relationship, in Love, just not much to look forward to. Everyone just takes on same generic posture and look, male or female, doesn't matter. When living in a world where out of billions, not a single soul thinks you're special, nothing really matters after a while and all people start taking on same generic manikin tone.
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Post by X factor on Nov 19, 2016 22:17:39 GMT -5
Today absolutely suckedToday absolutely sucked, went by in a flash, was at park, next thing I know wake up and it's dark out, like half of weekend gone already and haven't accomplished a thing. And I don't feel happy or joyous at all. At the moment I have no one to talk to about anything other than casual encounters I have while at the store. I'm watching 'CNN' right now, their documentaries about different struggles people have, like 'Life inside Jail', or 'Heroin addicts', ect. Luckely I don't have issues like that. But then again everyone has their own individual demons to deal with. Sometimes having nothing is less stressful that having stuff that could lose, or barely hanging onto. When you have nothing you can only go up, but when have stuff, responsibilities, you can always fall. I'll continue later, I'm distracted by this TV show.
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Post by X factor on Jan 3, 2017 19:25:50 GMT -5
Today, when got off work, felt caged and caught by reality Today, when got home from work, for some reason felt totally caged and caught by reality. I felt dull, small, and meaningless. Powerless basically. Powerless to change anything or anyone outside of myself. Feel or felt like a ship adrift in vast ocean of nothing, going where ever the wind and current takes me with no control. Can paddle a bit, make self feel as if affecting direction, but in the end not. Simply effecting direction boat is pointed while still being carried by current to wherever fate has it going.  Not sure how to change this right now, or could just be a mood, could just be exhaustion brought on by activities I did yesterday, who knows.
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Post by X factor on Mar 20, 2017 20:25:37 GMT -5
Sleeping is safest, most kind, gently part of day for meAbout to go to bed, then shortly after will be dreaming. Lately being asleep is safest, most calm time of day for me, it's an escape. The devil and or demons don't like that, for they can't 'get at you then', unless having nightmare, which is nothing compared to real life reality. But in general, when sleeping, dreaming, it's an escape for me, money, wealth and fame doesn't matter. When dreaming, get to go back and visit old relatives, old friends that haven't seen in decades, even old pets seem to come back to you, and sometimes can even talk...  When dreaming, get to work out all kinds of past and or future issues, good bad and ugly, but mostly good or pleasant. Get to date people from the past, whom never give you the time or day. And get to see real ugly side of some, and in dreams sometimes personalities 'blend' with the physical that make sense in dream but when wake up does not. Two personalities may blend into one body, or person, makes sense in dream, but when awaken doesn't make sense at all. When I dream, lay on back, it's so quiet and peaceful, until 'crack', odd noises from place awaken me. There's no explanation for these sounds, less than 5-10 feet from where I lay, to me just 'evil'. For demons know that when asleep, dreaming, I'm at peace, not worrying about bills, failures, past regrets. When dreaming, demons can't 'get at me', and so need me awake so can mess with mind. I have cameras, may start pointing security cameras inside, near where I sleep, to start detecting 'movement' so I can see where these sounds come from, like the movie 'Paranormal Activity'...  When awake, alert, don't hear these sounds, pops, snaps, only when lights off. Will bring cameras inside tomorrow, to sleepy and lazy to do so now. I just feel it's supernatural. I do know that 'gasses' will make water bottles inflate if take out of refrigerator, but in early morning hours, no bottles of cold water. Cameras will show me something tomorrow night, tired of this stuff. Demons hate to see you at 'peace', so (Oh god, just heard sound again, this time while awake, just now, real time in kitchen)...oh gosh... Wish ugly entities would just 'punch me'...for real, would just rather be hit, than teased, cause at least if hit, have proof, but when evil entities 'tease' you, no one believes you. Anyways goodnight..
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Post by X factor on Mar 31, 2017 5:56:18 GMT -5
Another meaningless dayAnother meaningless day for me, caged, caught and captured by reality, a reality for so many years I tried to avoid, outrun, run away from. And now caught by it, normality and nothing more. Meaningless fiscal servitude, working yet having nothing left for self. Working around bland, no vision, drone workers... Seperated from those who are hungry for life, and forced to work in life's dungeon now, where everything is grey.
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Post by X factor on Sept 28, 2017 20:42:58 GMT -5
The scariest thing in life, is when 'reality' catches up to you
The scariest, most deadly thing, to me, in life, is when reality does finally catch up to you.
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Post by X factor on Dec 22, 2018 17:27:25 GMT -5
Yes, your reality probably doesn't like me.  Your own reality probably doesn't like me, that's OK I suppose. I didn't create this world or the flaws within mankind. Reality hunts me down daily...my perception of self vs other peoples reality of 'me'. I don't think I can win... I just want a few days, or years, of peace before forced to depart, like all of us eventually are.... Welcome to the Twylight Zone. |
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Post by X factor on Jun 2, 2019 18:04:15 GMT -5
Right now I feel caged and caught by a reality I just can't seem to change, or don't have the will to.
And that really sucks.
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Post by X factor on Aug 16, 2019 3:19:26 GMT -5
Ahh, Caged caught and captured by reality.
When you begin to realize your dreams and ambitions mean zero to the world.
When you begin to realize your only value to this world is your ability to earn, and then spend what you earn on services, rent, vehicle, food, merchandise (the economy)
The only thing that really shields people from reality is 'wealth'.
But the more broke you are or are becoming, the more ugly reality begins slapping you in the face.
Dreams be d-mned, and everything else that feeds your moral and spirit, in the end none of that matters, in the end all that matters is if you can pay rent or not.
Which then forces you, or one, to give up on dreams in exchange for working stupid, very non interesting, no future type of a job where dreams go to die.
But at least rents paid, right?
Just be a good little peon consumer and step in line and obey the power structure, live to pay rent, to support the economy, to slave for your employer, live for them, spend you health for them, but not for self....hmm
Reality requires courage, that's for sure.
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Post by X factor on Sept 5, 2020 15:54:02 GMT -5
Caged and caught by reality, I don't think I can win Caged and caught by reality, I don't think I can win. Instead just feel put on Earth to be target practice for 'evil'. Yes, target practice for 'evil' seems to be my only purpose on this planet. Caged and caught by reality. Who says 'hell' only has to come in the form of flames.
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Post by X factor on Sept 5, 2020 16:00:23 GMT -5
Ugliness all around me, I just don't know what to do anymore, other than to try not to become 'ugly' myself.
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