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Post by X factor on Feb 5, 2021 4:15:44 GMT -5
Mind kind of blank right now Mind kind of blank right now (not really, just the voltage to push thoughts out not there). But that's what happens when have emotionally super charged 'off time', then suddenly hurled back into 'work environment'...it's like someone tossing water in your face.  You know, I mean one minute you're getting all caught up in your own created 'hype', social hype, having a blast online, then go to bed, wake up and thrust back into 'job', reduced back down to mortal. It's kind of a shock to the mental mind system. But think about it, the wealthy class never have to come back down to the 'mortal class' existence of life, instead they just stay 'up there' in their own created worlds. From one drug filled party to the next, no one ever telling them they're wrong cause they're sitting atop 40 million dollars, so never have to come back down to reality. But sadly us check to check types do. When I use to go out, (can't believe I use to actually go out to social scenes, haven't in years, but when I did).. The contrast between night before and then start of work day was so very severe. I'd go out to like a 4 or 5 plex bar, club place, flashing lights, music, colorful personalities, fun, laughter, and more...then come home still feeling the effects, then 5-7 hours later, reduced again to common worker...the contrast was increadible. I can't believe I'd actually do this on work nights sometimes. I had different mindset back then, that person is gone now. I'd go out and 'party' on a work night, I cold never do that now, wouldn't want to. And current schedule wouldn't allow it anyways. Back then had normal day schedule, not anymore. But maybe I do need to go out again.  But now at that awkward stage in life, in that to old for the younger crowd, yet not old enough for the old crowd. I just need to find a nice mellow Jazz/lounge type of place with a more mature crowd. And that's it, I think it's time for bed now, then wake up, and be 'mortal' again like millions of others.
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Post by X factor on Feb 7, 2021 13:35:17 GMT -5
If ever I needed to go grocery shopping, it's now, but don't feel like it
I mean my place is like college dorm room fridge, cabnit type place, in other words hardly nothing worthy to eat, college food type stuff, well college food type stuff fine when in college, but when a bit older need more healthy stuff, but just to lazy to go shopping right now.
Shopping takes a lot of time and energy, cause when I shop, I 'dress'.
I don't go shopping looking like a slob to self, can't help how I look or am perceived by others, but when I look in the mirror I try to look good or decent to self, and that's called grooming and even that takes time and energy and enthusiasm.
Shopping was more fun years ago when it felt 'new'...
'Wow, look at me, walking around this large grocery store making my own decisions on what to buy'
Not anymore, not even, now it's more like 'why is the line so long, and why do I have to end up standing behind this person?'
No, instead I think I'll just go to a corner store, buy some corner store food, and that will do it, again, the same way someone in college would shop...not good, but unless mood changes corner store food it is, at least for today.
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Post by X factor on Feb 7, 2021 13:38:04 GMT -5
If ever I needed to go grocery shopping, it's now, but don't feel like it I mean my place is like college dorm room fridge, cabnit type place, in other words hardly nothing worthy to eat, college food type stuff, well college food type stuff fine when in college, but when a bit older need more healthy stuff, but just to lazy to go shopping right now. Shopping takes a lot of time and energy, cause when I shop, I 'dress'. I don't go shopping looking like a slob to self, can't help how I look or am perceived by others, but when I look in the mirror I try to look good or decent to self, and that's called grooming and even that takes time and energy and enthusiasm. Shopping was more fun years ago when it felt 'new'... 'Wow, look at me, walking around this large grocery store making my own decisions on what to buy' Not anymore, not even, now it's more like 'why is the line so long, and why do I have to end up standing behind this person?' No, instead I think I'll just go to a corner store, buy some corner store food, and that will do it, again, the same way someone in college would shop...not good, but unless mood changes corner store food it is, at least for today. You need some beer, to pep you up. |
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Post by X factor on Feb 7, 2021 13:39:21 GMT -5
If ever I needed to go grocery shopping, it's now, but don't feel like it I mean my place is like college dorm room fridge, cabnit type place, in other words hardly nothing worthy to eat, college food type stuff, well college food type stuff fine when in college, but when a bit older need more healthy stuff, but just to lazy to go shopping right now. Shopping takes a lot of time and energy, cause when I shop, I 'dress'. I don't go shopping looking like a slob to self, can't help how I look or am perceived by others, but when I look in the mirror I try to look good or decent to self, and that's called grooming and even that takes time and energy and enthusiasm. Shopping was more fun years ago when it felt 'new'... 'Wow, look at me, walking around this large grocery store making my own decisions on what to buy' Not anymore, not even, now it's more like 'why is the line so long, and why do I have to end up standing behind this person?' No, instead I think I'll just go to a corner store, buy some corner store food, and that will do it, again, the same way someone in college would shop...not good, but unless mood changes corner store food it is, at least for today. You need some beer, to pep you up. Yes, you would like that wouldn't you, cause when I drink beer I get nutty, and silly, and express odd stuff. No, what I really need right now is 10 years of my life back |
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Post by X factor on Feb 8, 2021 17:43:29 GMT -5
Beautiful young or younger 'white people' seem to be disappearing, at least where I stay and frequent
I don't know, where I grew up, the population just generally seemed way more young, and or even 'white'..(I'm person of color so not racist, just stating what I remember while growing up).
But of course grew up in Eastern Washington State where minority, combined, population probably less than 2% in county I grew up in.
Now I live in a more urban setting, area, and just saying, as driving up and down the road, to and from work, to and from wherever, I just don't see young, cute, white folks anymore...
Instead what I see or urban 'thug' type males, or homeless types, be they white or black...but so rarely see 'youth', like it was where I grew up.
It's like where I live, white youth are becoming a dying breed, the only whites I usually see on the streets now are older, and look burned out on life, like near death, homeless ect.
But rarely do I see like younger healthy whites anymore, it's like they're vanishing.
I'm taling younger college aged whites with beautiful flowing hair, soft glowing skin, and just that 'happy to be alive white vibe' I so grew up around that others fed off of.
Where I stay you don't see that, instead see 'hood' types strolling that fake stroll of false confidence.
And or homeless or drug addicted street white types who look like zombies and are up to no good, but as far as seeing just your casual say, 19 year old, male or female, strolling up and down the sidewalk with lush, full, glowing hair and skin, you just don't see that anymore where I'm at.
Maybe they all live way way out in the suburbs?, or near the beaches areas?..I just know you don't see them where I frequent.
Do to where I grew up, I'm just comforted by that, cause white youth are kind of like the canary birds of how an area is doing, the more lush, young, vibrant white youth you see, usually the better economically and socially the area, but the less white youth you see, that usually means crime and other dark destructive stuff there or moving in.
Are whites better than others, of course not, but when young, do have a certain 'cute' spark to them that others feed off of.
And I'm probably one of the only ones honest enough to say that.
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Post by X factor on Feb 8, 2021 22:35:27 GMT -5
Title- what do you do when reach that age and or stage? What do you do when reach that age and or stage when have like last chance to define self? As in say from age 30-50...what do you do? Say you have a ton of cash saved up, what do you do, do you fulfill childhood dream and try to become a pilot, if not commercial one than at least obtain private pilot license? Or do you fulfill another dream and buy a motor cycle, a chopper or hog type of bike?  Or do you panic and buy a sports car? just to cling onto youth? Or do you take that saved money and try going back to school, and getting certified in something that you can make a living off of? Or do you invest that money in a like vending route, or do you invest that money in stocks and bonds and day trading type of stuff? Or do you buy land, down payment on a house? What do you do? I don't know as of yet, but when find out will share with you.
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Post by X factor on Feb 13, 2021 12:29:41 GMT -5
When younger, for everyone it was about who could look the oldest, the quickest, it was cool to look older than you were, like in middle school, high school...
Fast forward years later, now the opposite applies, it's more cool to look younger than you really are.
Boy how life teaches us important lessons.
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Post by X factor on Feb 20, 2021 8:28:23 GMT -5
After what has happened in Texas, I really do need to start stocking up on survival stuff, like propane heater and cooker, and powdered food that last forever, and other type stuff.
I don't ever want to be caught in position where I'm desperate and need others to rescue me, I don't like the feeling of being 'needy'.
Or worse yet the feeling of being needy and then realizing how little value you have to others.
So to avoid that, I need to start stocking up on survival type food and other such things.
A generator?...not really, they're to loud, but maybe.
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Post by X factor on Feb 28, 2021 13:41:45 GMT -5
In that really boring 'trying to save money' phase.
It's boring cause have enough saved up to not be pressed for anything immediate, yet not enough saved up to transition into another phase of life or opportunity.
One thing I learned in 2020 is the power of saving your money and not spending and buying everything you think you need.
I go no where anymore, when home, don't drive anywhere, don't shop, nothing...I just sit.
I don't even really go grocery shopping like I use to weekly, where I'd spend about 70 a week on food, why?
I realize now if you don't buy it, you won't and can't eat it.
My life just doesn't evolve around food anymore.
My life doesn't evolve around much of anything anymore to be honest.
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Post by X factor on Feb 28, 2021 13:45:18 GMT -5
I even got bored with online classes, I just don't like multiple choice answers, I'm to old to be told what a right or wrong answer is, unless has to do with math of course, but as far as sociology, phycology type stuff, there is no right or wrong.
There's just your own life experience.
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Post by X factor on Mar 8, 2021 18:42:31 GMT -5
Wrong House
Watching this movie now, cause it seems like a lot of our lives...dizzy, confusing and backwards..
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Post by X factor on Mar 22, 2021 1:06:53 GMT -5
Some times I just look in the mirror, or gaze over my own body and don't know what the 'F' I am or suppose to be.
I know I'm alive, yes, for sure, but beyond that, it's like 'what the hell am I and what is the purpose of my being?'.
Sometimes I just sit and marvel at the fact that I even exist and am aware of the fact that I exist.
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Post by X factor on Mar 24, 2021 11:50:20 GMT -5
Not a very good string of days off...
Just glad didn't allow any of my moods to cause me to splurge blow a lot of money on something I don't need.
Haven't exercised in a few weeks, not feeling it right now.
Today have to go back to work, not feeling that either, but maybe being 'out there' will do me some good, help reset things.
Sometimes we need rescuing from ourselves and I for sure fit that bill today.
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Post by X factor on Mar 26, 2021 13:58:16 GMT -5
Odd how a female is still the most powerful force in my life, should the right one ever fall for me.
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Post by X factor on Mar 28, 2021 19:51:22 GMT -5
I scare me...cause when have nothing to lose, dangerous to self.
I scare me...could raise an army in one week...
I scare me...
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