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Post by X factor on Oct 7, 2022 13:58:35 GMT -5
It's like, it's one of those emotional neglect spots you never want to allow self to fall into again.
Cause when get to this spot, there is no comfort, there's nothing to comfort you, and the only cure is 'time and space'.
Or time, space and distance.
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Post by X factor on Oct 7, 2022 14:01:31 GMT -5
I mean as long as I'm here, I have to deal with self.
Others may not want me here, or alive, or think I'm this or that, but fact is is that I'm still here and so have to deal with self, and if here, I don't want to always feel bad, since the only one feeling bad effects is me, and so it's pointless to feel bad for others who aren't even thinking about you to begin with.
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Post by X factor on Oct 11, 2022 18:17:38 GMT -5
It's never to late to try to 'save' yourself, your health, especially if self and health are in peril, or could be, do to alcohol or drug addiction.
All you have to do is care enough about self to stop...that's always the first step.
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Post by X factor on Oct 11, 2022 18:29:03 GMT -5
It's just a sad feeling day for me.
It's amazing to me how millionaire talk radio hosts get on air daily, and whine and complain as if they're common people with common struggles like the rest of us.
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Post by X factor on Oct 11, 2022 18:30:58 GMT -5
I'm about out of food, but felt to sad to even go shopping today.
Shopping is a public activity, and you have to feel good about yourself to go shopping, where people will see you, and I just wasn't up to that today.
I hope a good nights sleep will get rid of this doom and gloom feeling that's plagued me all day long.
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Post by X factor on Nov 26, 2022 5:11:48 GMT -5
I'm not as happy as I should be.
I'm not happy with where I've ended up in life socially or demigraphically, thus I feel very alienated from a community that I know is out there, but that I can never seem to find or get immersed in...and it sucks, it really does suck at times, feeling socially isolated and alone....
And the older I get, the worse it feels, cause older people are just to gdm stiff for me, very artistically non creative...you have to go to Hollywood or some other theatrical city or town to meet older people with flair.
I'm older, but I don't look nor do I try to dress 'old'.
And women barely even interest me anymore, and often dress up in ways I don't understand and that don't appeal to me at all.
I guess I'm just not ready to get old yet, I really haven't lived yet, not in a way I thought I could or should.
My life has been like a string of mishaps, but in subtle ways.
I always seem to have the basics, but that's it, but I've yet to prosper.
And I seem to be cursed to always meet, or have people living around me that instead of elevating talent, they bury it.
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Post by X factor on Nov 26, 2022 5:15:19 GMT -5
I remember back in the day, people would invite you home for dinner, those days seem so gone now.
You're co-workers, whatever, people just don't do that stuff anymore, and or if they do I'm sure not around them, just seems I'm around dead as souls all day.
They have what they want, and don't give a dam how others around them are doing.
This idea that the American people are the greatest people ever...says who, cause they're really not.
I think actually the American people are more cold, have less culture, than other people from around the world...they may be richer on average, but that doesn't mean they're better, not even.
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Post by X factor on Nov 26, 2022 5:18:34 GMT -5
there's nothing and no one to comfort me anymore.
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Post by X factor on Nov 28, 2022 8:48:39 GMT -5
I'm going to get up out of bed and pretend I have purpose and value today.
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Post by X factor on Dec 25, 2022 22:01:14 GMT -5
I feel like the volume inside of me has been turned down.
I think it's something in the environment.
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Post by X factor on Dec 26, 2022 6:49:22 GMT -5
Last night stretched on for so long that I almost thought I slept through the whole day.
I've done that once or twice, maybe just once before, where went to bed so late after drinking that I simply slept through whole next day and woke up after sun had already gone down, it was a weird feeling, but it can happen.
These short winter days can really throw off your internal clock.
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Post by X factor on Dec 29, 2022 7:11:54 GMT -5
I see life, or the circumstances of life, just getting harder and harder going forward, not easier, but simply harder.
Where is the joy in that?
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Post by X factor on Dec 29, 2022 7:13:03 GMT -5
I think love shields people from reality, or the illusion of love, but when not loved, or love no one, there is no shield.
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Post by X factor on Feb 11, 2023 6:51:47 GMT -5
I get up out of bed and I guess try to fake and pretend that this new day will be different than yesterday.
Fake and pretending, I guess is what sometimes keeps me going.
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Post by X factor on Feb 24, 2023 22:29:58 GMT -5
I won't say that I'm depressed right now, but rather my social life is, my environment is, at least for me.
My life is just lacking a lot of the social mechanisms that make for a fun thriving happy life, so I simply improvise most of the time, as do most who spend so much time alone.
But then, sooner or later, hopefully you get to a point where you start realizing you can't wait on others to motivate you to get up and out, and volunteer, or go places....you'll just have to do it alone at first, and then that's where you may start meeting others who did the same.
But trying to coax people already in your life to support you, when for years, or even decades, they haven't...is a big waste of time.
Your life becomes fun again when you're able to find people, a person, who sees as much value in you as you see in them.
The trick is, though, is finding them, and them you.
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