Normally friends, family, offset the above, gives one relief from above, but if one has no friends, no relatable family, there is no relief or offset.
So being depressed does no good since there's no one to pick up on that depression, or even care if you were depressed.
So then one becomes 'Spock' like, and just shuts down all emotion as a way of coping.
In the vacuum outside of family and friends raised around, you begin to realize unless very young and cute, or a animal, as in some ones pet dog or cat or horse, that you could bleed out right on the street, and people would just step right over you.
Then you begin to see how false everything is, how false others are, how conditional others are.
One begins to see all these things in the vacuum of isolation.
That more people fear you than love or like you....even though never ever done anything civicly wrong.
That perception is much stronger than reality.
And that perception can never be calibrated, a billion different people all have a billion different perceptions about life, and yourself.
who you are, really are, doesn't matter, it's how others perceive you based on events prior in their life that you had nothing to do with.
Then you're like 'This is man?'
Then you realize most every ones mentally ill, and that you must play be the rules of the mentally ill, and insane, who have been given power, taken power, to run and control things.
not sure if this is best place for this post but tomorrow is looming over me like a dragon right now.
And right now I hate tomorrow and everything it represents, basically problems I can't solve or don't really want to.
The complexities of modern society can be a real drag at time.
You get to a point where you just want to be left alone, not bothered, to just live free and roam, like a animal, or in one place on some land and just be left the hell alone and to not be forced to be apart of any broader society where forced to do things you just don't want to anymore.
I'd be content spending the rest of my life in a high mountain tribe somewhere.
No bills, no employment, no traffic, can drink from river, free to hike, explore and to imagine.
I'd much prefer that than just being a wage slave until dead or to old and sick to work.
Last Edit: Apr 5, 2015 21:50:13 GMT -5 by X factor
The people closest to you will be the last to notice your depression
Sad how that works, in that the people closest to you, be it friends, family and or co-workers, are the last to notice your depression, if even then.
And in fact the people closest to you, be it friends, family, co-workers will see your mood change as a fault, or attention getting scheme.
How ever they see it, they will most likely turn it into a negative, and is why people have learned to hide their mood changes, personality changes, around those deemed close to them.
Reality is, most people in this world, around you, are cold and out for self, and will see anything you do as a scheme to draw attention away from 'them' and 'their own emotional or physical needs'.
If you act depressed around your siblings, brothers or sisters, they'll see you as being lazy, shiftless, and self centered.
If you act depressed around co-workers, they'll interpit it as you not wanting to hold your shift, or duties, they'll see it as a way of you passing work load onto them.
And or if you act depressed, unmotivated around spouse, that can be the worst at times, in that they'll use it as a knife to jab you with, to over inflate all your faults (in their eyes).
All they'll do is blame, blame and more blame, as most spousal fights go.
Your spouse is often the least understanding person when it comes to own personal issues, to go to or reside in.
That's sad, but true, unless truly blessed and matched well with some one with the capacity to separate 'marriage' from the 'still' realization that everyone is still a unique being with own motivators, that effect that person outside of ones own personal need for them.
When we need someone one, we sometimes selfishly need, want, that person to always behave in a supernatural or super hero type of manner for our own selfish needs.
Kids often take this attitude towards their parents, and why many kids can become blind to parents own psychological needs and vulnerabilities.
Life is competitive, and being 'sick', yes even being sick and in need of help, is often seen by others as strategy.
Weird but true.
The sickest person in the room gets all the attention and help.
As such many cry wolf and play sick when really they are not, as such when one may really be mentally disturbed or depressed, others may see it as simply a 'cry wolf' strategy, to get boss off of your, or to garner attention and or sympathy.
It's why all these mass shooters are able to slip through the cracks, cause the people closest to them just see their lead up behavior as being an attention garnering maneuver, rather than a symptom of something else.
'Oh there goes Ted again acting stupid, what a show off'
'There goes Jane again, what a show off, why is she putting on so much make-up'
'Kevin is so lazy, they called in sick again today'
When people are sick or depressed, we've been trained to see it as an insult to our own personal needs.
We all want the attention on ourselves.
I'm talking healthy people, even healthy people want all the attention and focus on self, that to acknowledge that there may be others genuinely sick and in need, takes away from self interest.
In my mind, right now, there's just nothing pleasant out there.
But I know I must snap out of it, like jumping into a cold shower per say.
Maybe just the act of moving forward will help, good or bad, just the motion of going forward may help.
Sad thing is I don't want to go forward anymore in that I'm content to just wake up. But the world won't let you stop, the bills won't let you stop, never, unless so ahead of bills that you no longer have to worry.
And that's what most get up and out there for, this idea that they can some day get years and years ahead of bills so that they no longer have to be employed or physical earn money anywhere.
I feel like just going to bed for a whole other day, I need to snap out of this.