There is evil in this world, but you can't really touch it, but it's a vein that runs through the personality and behavior of men, or people.
It runs through others, of no character, or inner content, no godly virtue, and follows you around, bouncing from person to person.
The evil vein is like a current, and runs in and out of those with hollow souls who have nothing on the inside to measure bad behavior against.
The evil vein can't effect, or is harder for it to effect, people who are balanced, secure in self and have principles based on scripture.
It's harder for the evil vein to effect those who derive their identity from a loving balanced fair God or savior, cause these people have a source of happiness that lays outside the frailty of mans bio chemical based nature.
They will say hi to you, and always want to life you up simply cause it's the right thing to do.
Where as bio chemically based people are full of emotionally based insecurities that make them behave Kooky.
In other words if you're full of talent, personality, have passion and creativity, a bio based persons ego won't allow them to acknowledge your gifts, instead they'll automatically try to diminish your person in various ways.
They'll ignore you, won't look you in the face when speaking, if a cashier, hand you your money while looking other way, and other kooky stuff.
If you look good, have it together, they will through their actions, try to diminish your value.
Not cause you did anything wrong, but cause that evil vein runs through their hollow soul.
Without a faith based personality, than evil can steer people in any direction it wants, and since the person is hollow, they're fine with it.
When there is no divine based love within ones soul, that soul will accept and excuse, justify, any type of behavior coming from self, there is no shame, just justification.
There are a lot of Satanic individuals who don't even notice how ugly they behave towards others, nor do they care.
It's also generationally becoming more prominent.
More people are becoming godless, and is why in certain communities costumer service has been getting worse for decades now.
Women who gossip right in front of costumers, and don't even bother saying 'Thank you please come again'.
And finally if you are a good person with talent, educated, and honorable, the devil, the evil vein that runs through the walking dead, will do it's best to diminish your value, will do it's best to sabotage your efforts at every turn, will do it's best to discourage you, but you in enviornments that work against your person.
Cause the last thing the devil wants is to see a competent person of God thrive in this world.
No one else may understand that, but the zone does.
I went out today to the water front, alone, and really felt unworthy to be there.
All my secret spots, from years past, are now occupied by fisherman people.
They have no idea the history of those spots, the dark nights, uncertain nights.
Also certain parts of city, where housing use to be, housing that was ancient, historic, have been plowed down and replaced with million dollar store fronts, multi million dollar yuppie apartments, it all feels hollow now, but only if you remember it how it use to be.
Times are a' changing.
In a way I guess that's good, but for those who remember how it use to be it makes you feel like a ghost, a ghost child.
Nothing remembers you or your memories, as if forgotten.
Depression bought on by realization of the facts, or ones own limits, social limits, fiscal limits, can be heavy and hard to over come at times.
And if you have no friends, no family contact or family, than it can be worse, cause then when you're depressed not 1 soul out of billions who habitat this world care.
You could die in the closet and not a soul in the world would know or care.
I've read stories, seen stories, on TV where people have been dead in their homes for weeks, months, even years, and no one even notice.
They weren't noticed in life, and certainly weren't noticed in death, in fact got more publicity in death, more attention in death, than while alive.
Depression is like a cloud that can keep taking different forms, and arise out of different situations or mindsets.
Not being relevant to others can also bring on depression.
Even criminals have relevant meaning to others, are often married, have kids, friends, lovers. Even people in wore torn areas of the world, although going through hardship, have intact families, communities, to get through those hardships with.
And some poople jump into very hard relationships just to not feel alone.
Wanting to go to college, yet having to decide between bills, and brighter future, can also trigger depression. Risk, can trigger depression.
Everything on TV depresses me now, it all seems hyper fake to me.
Everything seems staged, fake and planned.
I know longer believe the best person gets ahead in this world anymore.
I've seen many good people who go no where, and instead get mired down in daily life muck.
Stuck hidden behind some grungy coal mining job, or some other blue collar dock job where their youth is snatched away from them and at age 30 look like they're 60 do to exposure to the elements, sun, chemicals ect.
There is no standard bearer for me anymore, even though TV tries to create them, but it's all fake.
The best person doesn't always win.
And many times the best person is despised, ridiculed, and put down, denied opportunity by lesser types who keep them down out of envy or some other mental sickness personal justification.
Nothing is fair and balanced, man is incapable of that, people, everyone, have to many internal issues to be fair and balanced. What people are, have always been, is bias.
And everyone things their 'bias' is justified.
People are stupid.
There is no way to make it in any ones system, the only way to make it is to create you own system.
And sadly many lack motivation, drive, financing to do the latter.
So sad when the sun coming up is a sign of horror, and not comfort.
I'm more comforted by the dark now, cause when it's dark, the evil of man, the machines of industry, dow jones, money markets ran by evil schemers, it's all asleep, dial bots, bill collectors, ect, they all leave you alone when it's dark.
But when the sun comes up, all the ugliness of life wakes up also.
There is no bright spot today that I look forward to.
Why are negative people so drawn to positive people?
Negativity just sucks all the life out of you, it's evil, dark, plots, and always has alterior motives.
I look around my environment and seems all around are evil, no one has my best interest at hand.
Dark souls that linger, go ahead and be dark but at least stay the hell away from me.
Seems everyone is just unsaved and unholy these days, the parents, their kids, auto mechanics, office personal and so forth.
Evil just seems to have settled upon many now days.
Apartments suck, cause it forces you to live around ugly souls that if you had the means, would never live within 100 miles of, you'd run away as fast as you could, but in apartment or city settings, such gross people are forced upon you through Gov fair housing crap, where devils are allowed to live next to around saints.
Not saints as in 'holy', but saints as in those whole at least leave you alone while home.
Even some people you befriend, turn out to be evil, and they wonder why you don't answer the phone...
Some I could go 20 years without ever hearing from, yet evil always has to hear from good.
Nothing in my immediate environment comforts me, everything is warped, I disagree with the culture around me and the types it produces.
It feels like I'm in hell actually.
Last Edit: Jan 8, 2016 20:51:48 GMT -5 by X factor
Alcohol induced depression is weird, any kind of depression is weird, cause you get use to it, and when not 'depressed' feel you should be.
Even when body healthy, what to do with healthy body can be awkward, cause then you realize it's only your mind that's sick.
With alcohol or other chemicals, you have the odd comfort of blaming your slump on a '3rd' reason.
But when fully alert and still unhappy, you totally realize it's your own outlook that's making you sad.
And the mind, or ones own sorrow outlook can tend to be the hardest thing to fix, and is why it's just easier to 'get drunk' again and not deal with it, than to just sit still and be stuck in own created circumstance without a way out.
Kind of like being a jail cell sober vs being in a jail cell drunk
When sober, just there, but when drunk, in same cell but more content with being there.
But also, when in cell and sober, will get so bored, since sober, will try to find a way out of cell.
When sober won't be content being in cell, where as being drunk, or on drugs, makes you give into the fact that you're in a cell, and since can't escape, may as well create own world within cell until someone lets you out.
Same with real life, being drunk, or doing drugs, makes you yield to circumstances, rather than try to fight unfavorable one.
It's why people waste years, sometimes decades of life, while alcoholic or drug addict, accomplishing absolutely nothing.
Then when sober for a while, do more in 1 month than previous 5 years.
Circumstance can be ugly, especially the older you get and if off course from where you wanted to be.
Suddenly death and illness enter the equation, something never thought about when younger.
Suddenly 'time' or running out of, and youth, and age, enter the equation, and energy level, motivation or lack of. All these can pile up, and or gloomy fiscal outlook, yet still suppose to be happy and feel gleeful like when younger.
When younger, still believed 'God', some God in sky just automatically loved you, and because of that love, would never make you fail, or protect you from all things.
Maybe for some that's true, but for most it isn't, with age start feeling vulnerable to many things.
When sober have to deal with each and everyone of those issues head on, but when drunk or high, you just tend to give in to your fate, as if would rather die high or drunk and happy, than to die sober, scared and miserable, is how some see it who are locked in that cycle.
There are no easy answers, if there was no one would get drunk or do drugs or smoke or get addicted to meds.
There are no easy answers, but do know if sober can deal with life issues better.
One can be a happy person, have happy personality without being joyful about anything or much.
Lots of reasons for not being joyful, joyful means you expect good positive things to occur when awaken, if not ever expecting anything positive to occur when awaken, not much to be joyful for.
Dumb people will say 'Well at least your alive', which reinforces the fact you don't have much to be joyful for other than basic bodily functions.
The spirit doesn't thrive on basic bodily functions, the spirit within thrives do to progress, accomplishing things, and anticipating fun stuff, be it in relationships, work place or personal projects.
The happiest people are those who thrive and get ahead, period.
No one is to happy sitting in a cell all day long, alone, eating bread and water.
Nor does one have to be in a physical prison, to fell like they're in a cell, alone, eating bread and water.
When younger, if felt physically unhappy, would physically bolt from environment, run away, seek new opportunities in a place felt might bring me more joy, but when have more responsibilities, harder to do that.
Still can, but credit would get crushed, bills would go unpaid, stuff would get left behind.
When I go out, there's nothing appealing about me that draws people near, so when go out feel invisible.
When loved by others, family, friends, you never notice these things, but when a lone you do.
Seems the charisma I use to have to open doors for myself is fading, replaced by reality.
Actually there is no reality, reality is what you allow to exist around you, but when spirit is down, the reality you allow to exist around you becomes like sludge.
And as of this moment, I have no hope of anything changing that would positively effect my life, any time soon.