Having a odd episode of depression, but not in typical sense, not in an emotional sense, but rather 'lifestyle sense', where your routine begins to sink you, but does so slowly, so you don't realize you're 'sunk' until near to late to dig out.
This process can occur over years and years of slow moving self destructive patterns, that aren't noticed day to day, but rather over months or years.
This can include being stuck in area that's counter productive to personal growth, as in neighborhood living in, people around, even jobs worked.
When growth stops occurring, that's when life begins to lose it's spark.
People are more than flesh, humans need growth and prosperity, things to hope and believe in.
When you lose hope, or get stuck in dreaded routine, than you stop taking care of self, stop working out, and or even stop eating healthy, then add drinking or smoking to that and it can get worse.
And what enviornment suites 'you' will also depend on ones personality type.
Some are leaders, others need, even want to be led.
Some are dreamers, others are better suited helping other peoples dreams come true (employee vs business owner ect)
Not really depressed, but nor am I as happy as I feel I should be, certain things are going well, but then there's always other things to offset the things that are going well, and right now I don't know where my thoughts should land, even tried drinking a bit today, and not even that worked, just like barely one can of bear and it had like zero effect, as if body is just done with alcohol or something.
Happiness is a combo of things in and around your life that align, the more things that align, usually the happier you are and vice versa.
You may get a wonderful new job, but you still have same lousy neighbor, or you may have wonderful neighbor, but have lousy job.
Very few people have lives where everything aligns just right, very few.
Then there's always health, always health, either in pain, do to nerve damage, back aches, migranes, or always sick with a cold, allergies, or have disease like cancer or diabetes or dozens of other things.
Seems the moment, that time, while alive, when all is aligned just right is so fleeting, it may have been while in school, maybe during early years of marriage, you just never know, cause we don't appreciate those times when we live them cause have nothing bad to compare with yet.
But if I could go back in time, I'd go back to my sophomore year in college, I think that's the life changing year for many, when a sophomore in high school, that's when you need to decide your future and aim for it.
Sure there's other chances, but while a sophomore in high school you still have the cushion of living at home and not paying rent.
But then again, if living in squalor, like in the hood or some opiod filled rural farm town, then it could be different when home.
I don't know, either way I just wish I could go back, I'd make smarter decisions from the people I hung around, to the women I did or did not date to even sports in high school, which could of been a spring board to riches.
Heck, I even finally received stimilous check today, and was like 'Ye, so what', cause in the over all scheme of things it's only barely over one months rent, then gone again, not even sure if I'll cash it right away, have no reason to yet.
And I start a new job in a few days, maybe that will help my mood once get back into the grove of things and then can appreciate time off again.
And I heard on the radio that some employees are asking to not be hired back cause they're earning more at home, what a shame.
But I don't shame the Government, I actually shame the companies who pay people so little for their limited time on this earth and limited health.
Working costs a lot of money, I mean I've saved around $400 dollars in two months just by staying home and not getting up and out daily....it costs money to work to be out there for 8-14 hours, cause you gotta eat, and you can't pack nothing that lasts that long, so end up spending money on junk food...it's also why I've lost weight since being out, cause not around junk food all day long.
For all intensive purposes I should be happier than I am not, but I'm just not, maybe do to chemical imbalance, who knows.