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Post by X factor on Mar 30, 2021 19:58:24 GMT -5
Feels good wiping out my past, my past is like thorns to me, or I'd be in better spot now...
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Post by X factor on Mar 30, 2021 19:58:57 GMT -5
Feels good wiping out my past, my past is like thorns to me, or I'd be in better spot now... Do you need a Aspirin tablet??
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Post by X factor on Mar 30, 2021 20:00:40 GMT -5
Feels good wiping out my past, my past is like thorns to me, or I'd be in better spot now... Do you need a Aspirin tablet?? Look man, you're young and DUMB...you need to go back to your quarters...you know nothing about real life!! And put some gdm sox on!..odd ball.......
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Post by X factor on Mar 30, 2021 20:06:41 GMT -5
Once again I say 'screw the past' and if the past tries to follow me, I'll shoot it! The past, those in my past, nothing but garbage If my past wasn't total and complete garbage I'd be soaring by now...good freagin riddins!!
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Post by X factor on Mar 30, 2021 20:07:34 GMT -5
When you suddenly vanish...
Let me put it like this, the first m/f to knock at my door...well...
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Post by X factor on Mar 30, 2021 20:09:12 GMT -5
When you suddenly vanish... Let me put it like this, the first m/f to knock at my door...well... Have some cake and ice cream with us mister master, will you please calm down?
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Post by X factor on Mar 30, 2021 20:11:24 GMT -5
When you suddenly vanish... Let me put it like this, the first m/f to knock at my door...well... Have some cake and ice cream with us mister master, will you please calm down? Look Mr or Miss or Androgynous soft ball you, not everyone comes from a fluff cake world as you do, not everyone loved and hugged when younger, not everyone made to feel 'accepted'. I appreciate your wanting to help me..but...but...go do something...and stop staring at me!!!
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Post by X factor on Mar 30, 2021 20:17:51 GMT -5
Have some cake and ice cream with us mister master, will you please calm down? Look Mr or Miss or Androgynous soft ball you, not everyone comes from a fluff cake world as you do, not everyone loved and hugged when younger, not everyone made to feel 'accepted'. I appreciate your wanting to help me..but...but...go do something...and stop staring at me!!! OK, what you need to understand ______ is just because someone looks _____ to you doesn't mean they had or have a easy life, if they did than why are they here?? They're trying to figure life out just like you are, sure your wounds are more visible, but maybe their's aren't... So chill, and be nice, and maybe learning to be 'nice' is your medicine.
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Post by X factor on Mar 30, 2021 20:21:57 GMT -5
Have some cake and ice cream with us mister master, will you please calm down? Look Mr or Miss or Androgynous soft ball you, not everyone comes from a fluff cake world as you do, not everyone loved and hugged when younger, not everyone made to feel 'accepted'. I appreciate your wanting to help me..but...but...go do something...and stop staring at me!!! OK, what you need to understand ______ is just because someone looks _____ to you doesn't mean they had or have a easy life, if they did than why are they here?? They're trying to figure life out just like you are, sure your wounds are more visible, but maybe their's aren't... So chill, and be nice, and maybe learning to be 'nice' is your medicine.
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Post by X factor on Apr 6, 2021 15:33:46 GMT -5
What's wrong with me?, here are the things I was excited about, then backed out of over the last few months
1. Own hour long radio show on local radio station, celestial station, then backed out of it after reviewing the costs.
2. Was going to join Brokerage firm and learn how to 'day trade', but backed out of that also, after reviewing the costs
3. Was going to possible buy a 2019 sports car, but then backed out of that, after 'reason' kicked in.
I just keep backing out of things I get excited about, initially I am, and it's genuine, but then economic reason kicks in and I back away.
Everything mentioned above does cost a lot of money initially, heavy investment, losses, and so I always end up backing off when 'reason' kicks in.
So now what's next I wonder, what next thing will I get all excited over, just to back away.
Oh ye, forgot one.
4. Was going to become a volunteer and help teach people how to read, but backed off from that as well, got bored with all the 'pre qualifier' tests and all.
5. Also was enrolled in free to very low cost online classes at like Harvard and other large Universities, but got bored with that to.
My pattern seems to be that I get bored to easily, and why is that?...I ask myself.
Is it because what I really need and lack is 'Love', as in being in a Loving relationship?
Maybe getting a pet kitten would help?
Something to make me feel I'm fighting for?
When you feel you're fighting for something other than yourself, odd how that just seems to fuel you more.
Maybe I need a pet, so that when I come home I can look at pet and say 'Hey, a few more weeks and we'll be there and we'll have a better life, pet cat you'...I don't know.
I'd prefer a human companion but that's so easier said than done.
All most women want these days is sox and or just money.
That's all men use to want, so funny how that dynamic has changed now.
Not only that, I'm not really interested in being with any woman if they can't give me family of my own.
Most women, where I stay, just aren't that attractive to me as they age.
I've gotta find some purpose here soon, I really must find some purpose.
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Post by X factor on Apr 29, 2021 14:10:25 GMT -5
I can't do everything, I don't have the capital to do everything, billionaires sit on their butts, yes both billionaire females and males, sit on their butts and help no one, never go into the trenches of society, the ghettos around the world and try to find, dig up geniouses who could change the world, instead all they want to do is sail on their Yachts and eat monkey brains while having depraved sox at night.
Me, I want to help people, for the older I get, I begin to realize unless you help others, connect with others, life, being alive, is basically meaningless, at least if a human, if not human, I'm sure you have your own set of values.
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Post by X factor on Apr 29, 2021 14:16:14 GMT -5
I want to cry, the people, souls, that could be helped, but aren't, yet billionaires, all they do is hoard their money, resources, thus keeping the Earth, planet, such a small place.
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Post by X factor on May 12, 2021 11:28:00 GMT -5
When at home my creativity lives, thrives, and I'm alive When at home my creativity lives, thrives and I'm alive..... But when have to leave my place or go to work, than this is what I become to most... Just a dull grey box, cause it's all people want to see or think I'm capable of, for their own self serving sake, not mine...for their perception of me, forged by human frailties, is not my reality. It's why when I leave my place I feel like I'm sufficating cause you, yes you reading this, keep me so small in your mind when you see me in the real world, you've convinced yourself I'm 'small'...when out there, and have nothing to offer other than to grunt and take orders. It's why I so cherish being away from other people who don't know me, or even though who think they know me, but insist I remain so very artistically 'small', so that they can feel large, when in reality it is they who are small and totally lack my 'range', not just in art but in all things. Anyways, about to leave which means I must fit into that grey box that you all out there in society have designed for me.
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Post by X factor on Nov 11, 2021 7:55:18 GMT -5
I'm only human, and don't believe in being anyone's hero anymore.
Organically, yes, out of obligation, no.
But that only makes sense to me, and my particularly situation.
As an adult, no one has ever invested Love, resources or time into my well-being, so I don't feel obligated to no one anymore.
I live a steady simply life, a dull, steady, simple life, and that's how it needs to stay.
I use to think being a good person meant you'd automatically prosper, nope, sometimes just the opposite.
You could fly to visit someone in the hospital and the plane could crash.
My good intentions, I've learned, does not in any way effect the behavior or randomness of things around me.
As such I'm very careful now how I extend myself cause I'm the only resource I have.
When I'm home, it's simple, no stress, because I love self, when I leave this place, no one loves me, just the opposite most of the time, people think, are wired, to fear and hate me, so I get emotional arrows jabbed in me all day long when in public.
But probably many people feel that way.
I don't love anyone or anything right now other than peace and calm.
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Post by X factor on Dec 3, 2021 22:13:07 GMT -5
I feel like crap this evening, as in just wore out and spent.
I worked today, I hate when day just consists of working, then coming home to wore out to do anything, just to get in bed and wake up and work again, talk about no life.
But thankfully tomorrow is like my Friday, after that a few days off to restore my moral, and spirit.
I get many days off in a row, thought I'd love this schedule, but not sure how good it is for my moral.
But if quit, I know I'd be like 'Why did you quit a job where only had to work 3 days a week?'.
The plan was to make other more positive things happen in my life during those 4 days off, but I haven't really done that cause to pre occupied with drinking, but now have stopped drinking, so maybe now I can make better of my time off.
The plan was to figure out how to earn passive income, so that soon won't have to leave home and labor for a pay check, but that to is proving harder than I thought.
Even published a short ebook, zero sales. Even got certified in a field, passed the course and all.
So I guess I've done a few things, but not nearly enough.
Money and wealth just don't seem to be attracted to me at all.
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