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Post by X factor on Dec 3, 2021 22:18:33 GMT -5
Well I'm not going to fight this 'mood', if bodies all wore out, then I'll just go to bed soon, not much I can do tonight anyways since gotta work tomorrow.
It's more of a 'body mood', if that makes sense, It's not really my mood, but rather the mood my body is in.
And my body just feels 'kaput' right now for some reason.
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Post by X factor on Dec 3, 2021 22:20:36 GMT -5
In fact I know it's the 'job', something about that job, that wears me the hell out, cause the more hours away from that envirnment, lo and behold, I start feeling better, my energy starts coming back, things seem hopeful again, just to have to do it again the next day.
I need change.
God never seems to hear me.
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Post by X factor on Dec 31, 2021 12:55:34 GMT -5
Done working out, bored, now what? Have the whole day in front of me still, done working out, and now bored, and not drinking, when not drinking you can't wing it, you have to actually be engaged in stuff to not be bored. I've gotta get use to this if I want 2022 to be a more productive year. I have to many days off to just spend the whole time in a drunken stupor, been there, done that, and it's old now, you drink, feel great for a hour or two, then crash, then lay in bed feeling miserable for half a day, so much time is wasted following that cycle. So now that not doing that, that means I must be engaged in constructive stuff. Think I'll make a list, to get me started on something, to get the mind activated and focused on something.  |
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Post by X factor on Jan 2, 2022 10:09:33 GMT -5
If I want this to be a more productive year, I'm certainly going to have to discipline self to manage my time way, way, better than I have been doing up to this point.  Yes, I'm going to have to start managing my time way, way, better. 1. Finish what I start. To many times I'll start something and just never finish it, attention will fade off into something else. That's the main culprit, and it adds up over a lifetime, end up having a Forest Gump type of life where you've done and seen everything, but in the end haven't accomplished much. So ye, in 2022 if I can just finally learn, see the benefit in completing what I start, that alone should make it a more prosperous year for self. And if I prosper, it's only then can I help certain others who may need me down the road. |
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Post by X factor on Jan 2, 2022 10:17:09 GMT -5
 You have me... Be still...listen...and hold on... As you can see from above post, it's hard to believe this 'Journal' section here was started way back in Nov of 2913, wow. But then there's like a 5 year gap where no posts were made again until 2018, a 5 year gap, wow. But I'm sure there are other places on here, within this vast Zone Mansion where similar time gaps are there, maybe greater. This place here is like a Encyclopedia of time, space, moods and knowledge, it's quite an amazing place actually here within the Zone. |
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Post by X factor on Jan 20, 2022 7:44:25 GMT -5
One of those mornings where could just sleep on and on forever, but sadly work beckons, a meaningless task man has forced upon other humans to fake pretend you're getting somewhere in life or society.
Body always fighting off various forms of viruses, mainly food born virasis, is why not good to eat stuff in fridge right before bed, cause when sleep, I think bodies immune system is at it's weakest.
Better to just drink water before bed, I wish I could learn to follow my own advice.
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Will I ever make it in this world?
Will I ever achieve what I want in this world while young enough to still enjoy it?
Sometimes i feel god or fate will just never really allow it.
And not a 'at leastism' type of person...you know 'Well at least you're not homeless', or 'Well at least you have a job'...such types who think that way have damponing spirits in them.
I won't the most out of life, not the least.
I don't care that 10s of 1000's are homeless, I still want a nice new clean home.
Anyways, gotta get up and about.
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Post by X factor on Jan 23, 2022 10:04:36 GMT -5
I got 3 whole, full, days off in front of me, yet I feel so 'cramped', why is that??
3 more days off in a row, yet I feel cramped, those 3 days seem like 1 hour.
I've got to really restructure my mindset and drop some habits this year, if I plan on making any progress at anything.
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Post by X factor on Mar 23, 2022 18:33:14 GMT -5
Lately, I cannot seem to focus on anything for more than 5 minutes.
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Post by X factor on Mar 23, 2022 18:34:32 GMT -5
It's like a part of me is just done trying, and just wants to, is ready to, just drop out of society and be gone.
But that's not even easy to do, and would be an emotionally painful experience downward.
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Post by X factor on Mar 24, 2022 10:47:07 GMT -5
It's amazing how you go back and sample stuff you did, created, years and years ago, and how well done it was simply cause your heart was into it.
Sometimes you can't even believe it was you, yourself, that created it, when looking back upon it years later.
Whether it be art, video production, music, or maybe wood crafting, whatever it may be, you did it years ago, sometimes decades ago.
And so when older, and look back, you sometimes become amazed at what you're capable of doing when focus and or when heart is into it.
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Post by X factor on Apr 11, 2022 20:32:40 GMT -5
Observing that everyone basically needs a hug and love.
When people don't get a love, or a hug, observing they try to fill that hole with other stuff;
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Post by X factor on May 31, 2022 21:55:15 GMT -5
Sorry, but straight up meat just tastes good at times. Tearing me up some lamb meat, and don't care if people think I'm a vampire, that good ole soft lamb meat just tastes oh so good and juicy.  |
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Post by X factor on Oct 5, 2022 21:55:06 GMT -5
I need change in my life.
But how?
I know I need change, but don't have the 'spunk' or enthusiasm to do so.
but these ups and downs, working a job I hate, then being off for several days in a row, and happy, just to be dragged back to job I so hate again.
I need a more consistant work, play balance.
And in the past, 'Change' came about through moving, but now with rent high everywhere, what's the point?
What I really need is money, lots of money, not another job, or new schedule, but money.
Easier said than done.
But as long as don't have lot's of money, than just a forever slave to the system until pass away.
When poor, there really is no bright future, cause things will only get harder as one ages.
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Post by X factor on Oct 8, 2022 6:49:31 GMT -5
Sometimes the only person who will or can rescue you is yourself.
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Post by X factor on Oct 26, 2022 6:43:09 GMT -5
Not in a writing mood right now, I've been up for hours though, squirming around in bed...sort of _____ with ____ and all. Well now the sun is up and out, last day off, and so I sit her, in a morning daze, wondering what to do next.  |
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