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Post by X factor on Aug 17, 2020 22:08:19 GMT -5
And my not wanting to drink anymore had, or has nothing to do with 'god' or 'jesus' or anyone else...if anything others have failed me!
No one cared, or bothered to, no one!!
My deciding to stop drinking had zero to do with fear of 'hell' or the bible, none of that had any effect on whether I drank or not.
But what did have an effect on me stopping, or wanting to is
1. Common sense and Love.
Not anyone else's love towards me, but rather my own love towards self.
I mean it's easy to love others, but how many of us actually love ourselves enough, or the life within self, our own conscious, to stop?
We often dismiss 'self abuse', we think that if we're abusing self, that that doesn't count as abuse, but it does, it really and truly does.
And if you are ultimetaly 'Love', than not only will you recognize and intervene when you see another being abused, but you'll also stop abusing yourself.
Self Love, or better yet 'respect for life', is what ultimetaly has cured me, and no one else can take credit for that, for this is a journey I've had to travel all alone, all by my lonesome self.
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Post by X factor on Aug 17, 2020 22:11:32 GMT -5
And my not wanting to drink anymore had, or has nothing to do with 'god' or 'jesus' or anyone else...if anything others have failed me! No one cared, or bothered to, no one!! My deciding to stop drinking had zero to do with fear of 'hell' or the bible, none of that had any effect on whether I drank or not. But what did have an effect on me stopping, or wanting to is 1. Common sense and Love. Not anyone else's love towards me, but rather my own love towards self. I mean it's easy to love others, but how many of us actually love ourselves enough, or the life within self, our own conscious, to stop? We often dismiss 'self abuse', we think that if we're abusing self, that that doesn't count as abuse, but it does, it really and truly does. And if you are ultimetaly 'Love', than not only will you recognize and intervene when you see another being abused, but you'll also stop abusing yourself. Self Love, or better yet 'respect for life', is what ultimetaly has cured me, and no one else can take credit for that, for this is a journey I've had to travel all alone, all by my lonesome self. So drinking to you was a form of self abuse or punishment?, that's interesting. |
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Post by X factor on Aug 17, 2020 22:17:28 GMT -5
And my not wanting to drink anymore had, or has nothing to do with 'god' or 'jesus' or anyone else...if anything others have failed me! No one cared, or bothered to, no one!! My deciding to stop drinking had zero to do with fear of 'hell' or the bible, none of that had any effect on whether I drank or not. But what did have an effect on me stopping, or wanting to is 1. Common sense and Love. Not anyone else's love towards me, but rather my own love towards self. I mean it's easy to love others, but how many of us actually love ourselves enough, or the life within self, our own conscious, to stop? We often dismiss 'self abuse', we think that if we're abusing self, that that doesn't count as abuse, but it does, it really and truly does. And if you are ultimetaly 'Love', than not only will you recognize and intervene when you see another being abused, but you'll also stop abusing yourself. Self Love, or better yet 'respect for life', is what ultimetaly has cured me, and no one else can take credit for that, for this is a journey I've had to travel all alone, all by my lonesome self. So drinking to you was a form of self abuse or punishment?, that's interesting. Yes, looking back to my earlier days, I think it was a form of self abuse, or self destruction. As a way of easing the pain of 'death'. And or allowing self to get drunk, thus guard would be lowered enough to allow others I'd normally have nothing to do with, to allow them, or give them the opportunity to 'abuse' me for me....and to me, at times, would be so lonely, that their abuse felt like a form of affection. But the only way I could get that affection was to get drunk enough to not naturally want to 'fight', like drifting into another personality or 'person' all together. There's a lot of layers to why people drink. And your reason for drinking can evolve as you grow and evolve. But in my opinion, the sooner you let go of alcohol, the better. |
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Post by X factor on Aug 23, 2020 17:36:45 GMT -5
When sober, everything seems better, even music sounds better and more crisp.
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Post by X factor on Aug 24, 2020 15:57:14 GMT -5
The thing about alcohol is it makes you peak after 1-3 hours, and then have to keep drinking more to not get that 'Oh Oh, I'm coming down again, can't have that'.
And then that's why you 'crash', at the end of drinking a lot, cause you and your body are just done.
So say you have 18 hours of spare time, and start drinking 4 hours into that time, now have 14 hours of spare time, and then spend the next 1-3 hours drinking, what will happen is you'll blow the last 10 hours or so of free time by 'crashing, if not more than that, cause when you're in that 'after drinking sleep mode', even when awake, you don't feel like doing anything, all your motivation is gone, hunger for life is gone, everything, all you want is that after drinking feeling to go away...then when it does, you convince yourself you're not an alcoholic and do it all over again.
Alcohol, the Seductive trap.
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Post by X factor on Aug 24, 2020 18:41:42 GMT -5
No where on the web will you find a more thorough review of alcohol addiction than right here.
Most stuff on the web deals with stupid questions like the following.
1. How long does alcohol stay in your system?
2. What are the effects of alcohol
3. How can you tell if your an acoholic
And other such 3rd grade Q and A BS
But no where on all the web, accept here, do you find not only those answers, but more.
Like the question I was looking for was
1. When does your addiction to alcohol end, if ever?
1 week, 2 weeks, a month, a year and so forth.
And no Doctor smart enough to explain that, cause a doctor can't....no 'expert' can, only someone or a group of people who have been down that road can, and you only get that here, real life struggle, or struggles, not some 'Ask Web MD' BS.
You can rid body of alcohol day one, body can get over addiction in a week or so, but what you really have to watch out for is your mental addiction to alcohol, cause unless you crack that addiction, it will pull you back in again and again.
You can be 3 months free of alcohol, but if mind still addicted to the process of drinking, you'll get lured back.
But no stupid Doctor on the web mentions that, all the Q and A back and fourths are written at grade school level logic and reasoning.
Real life, real struggles are much more complicated than 'if you do this, than that will occur'.
Old fashion blogs, are where you use to get all the answers from, from people sharing their real life stories and accounts, but over the last 5 or so years, google search engines only lead you to major dorky sites where geeky 'experts' spit out simple grade school level answers to very complex questions and challenges.
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Post by X factor on Aug 24, 2020 18:46:49 GMT -5
I will hurt and devastate many feelings, if I ever decide to jump back into the stream of main stream information sharing, as in school, town halls, city council meetings and so forth.
So many people in mainstream are so dorky and dishonest to me I could dismantle them quickly if tasked to, but as of now content staying quiet.
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Post by X factor on Aug 28, 2020 5:10:03 GMT -5
I observe how people age who drink and don't drink
I look at how mainly celebrities age who drink, do drugs, and those who don't.
Two who come to mind who do not drink or do drugs are Trump and Ted Nugent the rocker.
Ted Nugent, to here him speak, he sounds like he's still in college or even high school, cause although he's older now (Cat scratch fever)(I hated that song and still do)...but respect Ted Nugent for staying clean his whole rocker career.
Then I compare Ted Nugent to like Ozzy Osbourne, guy's probably a vegetable by now, I'm sure his mind is total mush, he had reality show about 10 years ago, and now out of spot light, if even still alive...he's lucky he has family to care for him till the end.
I mean I just notice artist who didn't drink, or stopped long ago, or even politicians, have much more clarity and life in them extending into older age...like Trump vs Biden, politics aside, you can tell the one who drank vs the one who didn't.
So a young beautiful person today at store, buying to large bottles of beer, I felt like telling them 'Please don't go down that road, there's nothing beer can add to your experience, if anything it will subtract from it'.
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Post by X factor on Aug 29, 2020 11:02:11 GMT -5
Just heard on a Christian radio station that you need 'Jesus' in order to quit addiction...I say 'no you do not' Just heard guy on Christian radio show state how he needed Jesus to end his addiction to drugs, and that everyone else does to. This guy/man/Pastor had an amazing story, is why I stayed tuned in for as long as I did. Typical upper middle class priviledged type of guy, loving parents, college, this that...raised Catholic, injured, addiction to prescription drugs, then street drugs, then dealer... Oh and forgot, before that him and his father got rich off pyramid scheme when they were like 22, but that fell apart. Sold drugs, used drugs, had lots of friends, enablers this and that...off addiction, back on, then lady shamed him, cause he was doing drugs and preaching at same time. Interesting story...but now they're a Pastor, and their life still charmed. _________________________________________________________ Yet I haven't done 1/8 the sins they have, and my life is not so charmed, I don't have countless friends or even family, that cares, nada, none of that, yet I still knew when it was time to stop drinking alcohol, not do to 'Jesus', which is basically a metaphor for other peoples love and concern, but rather do to 'love for self'...nothing more, nothing less. In all the previous posts on here, is there any mention of anyone from a church, offering support?  ?? Not only no but Hell no! Not a single bit of support, sure people have read over the years, but not one ounce of support, invite to a church nothing! So please don't tell me how 'Jesus', is the only way to over come addiction, cause it's not. Sure, and yes, support from others can help, can make you feel accountable, but, at least in my case, I overcame my alcoholism all by myself, with zero support, zero concern, nothing nada, in fact I"m sure people just wish I were already dead and gone....is how much support I got. So please, don't ever come to me talking about Jesus, cause he, nor 'you' were there, I did it on my own.
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Post by X factor on Aug 29, 2020 11:10:38 GMT -5
In fact, 'Jesus', as presented by 'man', is almost becoming a monster to me, what few friends I did have before, what few family I did have, 'mans jesus' stole, warped the minds of and seperated us from one another.
So be very careful how you ever approach me with 'your' jesus, or I may hurt your feelings.
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Post by X factor on Aug 29, 2020 11:13:25 GMT -5
As far as I can observe, Heaven seems like it will be a place filled up with a bunch of lunatics
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Post by X factor on Sept 6, 2020 13:19:40 GMT -5
The thing about being sober, is all you can really do is solve the problem before you
Getting drunk allows you to dodge problems, or pretend they're not there, even to dodge annoying things, as minor as they can be, including 'tasks', ect.
But when sober, you really cannot go to 'that space' that puts you in the mindset to not care or to dodge, instead all you can really do is 'solve' the issue before you in order to get resolve and peace of mind.
The world, the chaotic world we live in is so full of unplanned, spontanious events, people, personalities and more, that it can seem over whelming at times.
Being sober doesn't make any of the worlds problems go away, it just forces you to face them head on.
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Post by X factor on Sept 6, 2020 13:26:07 GMT -5
Like right now, I just want to relax, I want to escape the issues of last few days, I want to forget the time I had while at work, I want to forget the minor, or even major issues coming up, I don't want to think about any of that.
In the past 'beer' would of solved my woes, I'd be drunk, and not caring at all about anything.
But now, that's not an option, so what former drinkers have to figure out is how to disapate, or evaporate all that anxioty while being sober.
That's the trick, cause when sober, there's no magical door to walk through that just leaves all your major or minor issues behind.
When sober, you're forced to think about your problems until you solve them, and in a way that's good, cause you begin to eliminate nuisances from your life that in the past allowed to linger.
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Post by X factor on Sept 6, 2020 13:41:58 GMT -5
As painful as it is, I'm beginning to see the light in that when sober, you tend to make the right decisions the first time, thus less over all issues in life to begin with. When sober, you don't make 'hash' or sudden spontanious decisions that would if drunk. When sober, you're less likely to be talked into buying stuff you don't need by pesty sales person on the phone. When sober, less likely to start relationships with people you never should of gotten to know to begin with. When sober, you tend to 'grow up', and act more your age, not sure if that's good or bad..  I mean you can still have fun, but in a more responsible way, I guess. I mean who wants to get, feel, or grow old?...age is simply the doorway to death, and what's fun about that? _______________________________________________________________________ I don't know if I'm happy or not, probably not, but while drunk, it didn't matter whether happy or not cause you're to busy acting silly or mean or outragous. Let's be real, being sober is not always fun, life isn't always fun. (Well life is always fun, but our circumstance aren't always fun or positive to us) Especially if alone, and no one to hug or comfort you, alcohol served that purpose. Alcohol tucked you in and put you to bed at night, when no one else could or would. Alcohol made you like yourself, when maybe you should not have. Alcohol erased any sense of guilt or remorse about your past mistakes in life. Alcohol made you not even care if you lived or died, alcohol helped you flirt with death, or risky behavior, and laugh about it. Alcohol made you not care if you were sick. Alcohol told you everyone else was wrong. (Well, ego does that also) Alcohol made your fears just go away, could walk through any crowd, face anyone, while drunk But when sober, even a mouse at times will make you squirm. Alcohol, the seductive trap, never forget that. |
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Post by X factor on Sept 9, 2020 7:52:17 GMT -5
Life without alcohol  I can't say I'm totally there yet, think last had a beer a week ago, can't even remember, so that means I'm winning this battle, if want to even call it that. I mean there's plenty of people, millions, probably billions of people who drink, and see nothing wrong with it, are able to handle it, and who do just fine. Me, I'm not one of them. Looking back I totally wish I'd never picked up the bottle, no telling how far in life I'd be right now, all the grimy people I've met that I now wish I never had. Just no telling where I'd be. Or was it destined, so that all this could be written about and maybe help others down the road. Who knows. No one can predict fate, or understand what fate has in store for any of us. Fate can seem beautiful or ugle, depending on what you're dealt. As far as drinking though, does it even matter now if I stop? Can anything get better simply cause I've stopped drinking? Seems all the damage has already been done, as far as past decisions I should of made. Kind of like deciding to stop smoking once in hospital and on death bed, what good does it do to stop then? Luckely my health is decent, as of now, so that's not my problem, my problem is more circumstancual, dead end type of problem. And now that older, don't have the same drive and purpose to change route, or motivation. Will God or fate give me a few more opportunities to actually make the 'right' decision, with head clear, instead of fumbling away good opportunities while drunk, or while prioritizing drinking? That is the question that only time and space can answer.
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