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Post by X factor on Dec 28, 2020 17:27:19 GMT -5
Reached that spot again  Reached that spot again, that spot when finally know it's time to just out and right stop drinking all together, that spot when you stop fooling self with 'Oh, I'll just have 1 or 2 beers or this drink'. That spot where you just stop cold turkey, again. Why now, what brings on 'these spots' or moments? Well for me, it's not as serious as maybe for some, for me I usually reach 'that spot' when just see the utter waste of time drinking is. The drinking part OK, it's the hours spent afterwords in a sleepy slumber that totally waste your time and make you not want to do anything else, it begins to own you. And like when drinking, you become selfish with your time, don't want to do anything, cause doing 'anything' takes you away from drinking at home. You start making promises to self, and or others and or places while drunk, and then when sober don't want nothing to do with either or all, cause it takes away from you drinking. Basically you have to care about self, in order to stop, and ultimately I do care about self, and so realize, time to totally stop again. My dry periods usually last around 1 month or so, but you know what, I'll take that, cause when 'dry', I get like 80% more stuff done when not working and feel 'oh so better'.. Not all the time, I mean we're flesh, so even during dry periods will still not always feel prime for whatever reasons, my energy levels sure do bloom, that's for sure. So ye, I'm done, place will be alcohol free right after this.
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Post by X factor on Dec 30, 2020 1:29:00 GMT -5
I always get a bit 'edgy' when I first stop drinking cause I find myself with a serge of energy, but don't quite feel 'better yet', the energy comes first, than you start feeling better.
And when you first stop drinking, you almost instantly, like within days, feel like 10 years have been shaven from your life, as in 10 years younger you start to feel.
But it balances out soon after.
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Post by X factor on Jan 1, 2021 10:19:04 GMT -5
Pick up beer or alcohol right now, drink, max out in 2-3 hours, rest of day after that useless
Pick up tea or coffee, water, have steady clear energy for the next 10-11 hours, get way more done, and with clarity.
Easy choice...beer...just hobbitding, easy choice, tea and or coffee.
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Post by X factor on Jan 21, 2021 3:42:09 GMT -5
Made fool of self yesterday night It's normally drop dead quiet where I stay, but last night had a alcohol fueled emotional moment...all I really did was go outside and play about 4 songs really loud in a place where no one does that. I played 'Thank you for being a friend', and 'Oh what lonely boy'...by the same artist actually... I was almost expecting the cops to come, but no one complained, at least not publically., nor did anyone of my neighbors come to see if I was OK. People are just totally cold now, paranoid and withdrawn....that's the era we live in now... As I put gas in car on the way home, some lady slumped over on table outside of a 'Gate' gas station, and no one said anything until I alerted the clerk. A petite woman with long hair actually with large red purse, and decent looking, just slumped over. There's a lot of bad stuff going on on the streets today, then add addictive drugs to that mix. I mean sure I drink a few times a week when off work, and always alone, and never in public, but at least I'm functional, meaning have a decent job and all, but some peoples whole lives have been destroyed over the last 9 months or so. I think I'll play that super large lotto, both of them, what if one person won both Jackpots, what are the odds of that?
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Post by X factor on Feb 16, 2021 14:04:19 GMT -5
I feel like crap today, sort of, cause I drank so much last night. Actually, compared to a real alcoholic I really didn't drink much at all, but to my body it sure felt like a lot when I woke up. And I'm really no longer ashamed of my thoughts, as long as my thoughts don't hurt or harm anyone else. Like when I see people having cotton candy together, why is that bad or wrong as long as they're both enjoying the cotton candy together. Cause soon you'll simply grow old and wither and no one will want to have cotton candy with you, no one. Some times I think religion has made people feel shameful of things they should not be shameful of. And so some spend their whole lives feeling ashamed for being themselves. Oh well, up now, let me see if I can salvage what's left of the day.
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Post by X factor on Feb 23, 2021 4:14:12 GMT -5
Today, while drunk, while drinking and driving, I mean talking, I told those I called I was going to start own radio show on major local station...what!?
I can't afford that, I mean I could, but no, way to expensive, I'd go broke in half a year just for a 30 minute a week show, what was I thinking?...I wasn't, I was drunk, stupid me man.
Even called up radio station and convinced them I wanted to do this and to find me a time slot.
What the heck was I thinking?...again, I wasn't thinking, I was drunk.
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Post by X factor on Mar 16, 2021 10:27:58 GMT -5
When I'm drunk, I want to save the world, and still think that I matter, I convince myself that I do matter.....
When sober, I just want to be left alone, sit still in silence and observe.
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Post by X factor on Mar 22, 2021 0:55:08 GMT -5
Appetite changes when drunk or have alcohol in system
Like when drunk or have alcohol is system or body, appetite seems to change.
Certain foods seem toxic to me when drunk or drinking, as in chicken or any type of cooked flesh.
I think when drunk, your body is more honest to what you should and shouldn't eat...I know that sounds weird, but in my case it's true.
When not drunk, steamed chicken seemed, tasted, OK, but after drunk, it seems repulsive.
How do you explain that?
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Post by X factor on Mar 25, 2021 1:26:37 GMT -5
 Alcohol still is a seductive trap. I think over the last month and a half, being drunk while talking, and while shopping has cost me around 1000 or more bucks. 1. I gifted some people a present, while drunk, and bragging about what I could do, if not drunk, I doubt I would have gifted them. 2. While drunk, ordered a advanced Podcast kit, cost around $450.00 or so, and some other stuff. 3. Bought some clothing, the other day, while drunk, that I probably would not have otherwise. The scariest thing about being drunk, is having money saved and getting in a mood to spend, cause if not careful, when drunk, while convince yourself you need this or that, and next thing you know you've ordered it, and when it arrives, you're like 'what the heck was I thinking?. Also, spoke with Army veteran dude, and got their hopes all up that they could possible move in as a roommate, while drunk, while drunk it, they, seemed cool, not so much now though, I mean yes, they're cool, but again, what was I thinking...a 300lb, 6-4 man with a pitbull??...what was I thinking?, I wasn't, I was drunk and just enjoyed the conversation. Well now that sober, don't think I want them to be my roommate and will use dog as excuse cause play I stay doesn't allow that breed of dog anyways. But just kind of feel bad for getting their hopes all up for nothing. 3-400 is just not enough to make me want to have a roommate, like having whole place to self. Not sure the benefit of living with someone unless have romantic connection, otherwise what's really the benefit? Plus a pitbull?...no way, I come home late from work at times, last thing I need is some pitbull not allowing me into my own place. But I'd still like to possible be this persons friend, I just doubt I'd want them living with me. Imagine making some 300 lb Army vet upset, they may have flashbacks at night or something. And me getting drunk around something like that, probably would mean trouble, I'm sure I'd say something to make them upset, or 'tempt them' or something, you never know what anothers like until alone with them. I do know I need to cut back on my drinking, had it under control for a while, I need to get it under control again, when not working, cause one day I won't bounce back. |
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Post by X factor on Mar 28, 2021 9:24:02 GMT -5
The weird thing about a drinkers mindset
I woke up this morning feeling pretty decent, energy and all, today I'm off from work, yet even though already feeling 'decent', I some how felt drinking a beer would 'enhance' my feelings, when I know goodness well it really won't....or may for 1 hour followed by 10 hours of sluggish sickly recovery mode....so I just stopped and asked myself...
'Why would you want to beat down your good mood, high level of energy, why would you want to deliberately knock that down by drinking?'...
I asked myself that, and couldn't give myself a decent answer and so I put the beer down.
Why am I afraid to just naturally feel good the way my body wants me to if I take care of it?
Why does feeling 'good' scare me?
Hmm.
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Post by X factor on Mar 28, 2021 9:27:35 GMT -5
I think I want to enjoy feeling good and energetic today, and see what happens....life is really just kind of one big experiment on 'self', when you think about it.
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Post by X factor on Mar 30, 2021 9:59:19 GMT -5
If out of food, no big deal, no milk?, oh well, but when run out of alcohol or tobacco 'Oh man, must go to store right now immediately'..
Ye funny what's essential if addicted to tobacco or alcohol, in that can go days with nothing in the fridge, no bread, out of eggs, trip to store seems like to much work...but then let such a type run out of alcohol or tobacco, or whatever their 'vice' and suddenly up and dressed and to the store.
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Post by X factor on Apr 11, 2021 16:41:30 GMT -5
Drinking isn't taking me where I want to go anymore.
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Post by X factor on Apr 16, 2021 19:55:25 GMT -5
When I'm drunk, seems all women seem attractive to me, I was all over fat Taco Bell working female tonight
Here I was, am, flirting all over this fat, 'B' Taco Bell female tonight, and the manager I think at that.
But was a bit drunk, and so all over this fat black female...only I could get away with that...not sure why..
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Post by X factor on Apr 16, 2021 19:58:44 GMT -5
When I'm drunk, seems all women seem attractive to me, I was all over fat Taco Bell working female tonight Here I was, am, flirting all over this fat, 'B' Taco Bell female tonight, and the manager I think at that. But was a bit drunk, and so all over this fat black female...only I could get away with that...not sure why.. I bet that fat black female at Taco Bell will fantacise over you tonight.. |
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