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Post by X factor on Oct 21, 2021 21:25:23 GMT -5
The first few days of trying to go dry always sucks...cause there's nowhere to escape into.
The way you felt at work you feel at home, there's no 'divider' of realities, nothing to ease you away from your 'day mood'.
Normally your natural bodies moods does that, but when drink for a while, you get use to alcohol doing it for you.
This time I'm not drinking, going dry, cause muscles just started aching, body just needs a break from it all.
Pain and discomfort is one thing that will make me stop just about anything.
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Post by X factor on Nov 9, 2021 3:37:28 GMT -5
Re-established contact with a old phone friend yesterday through email.
Found out since we last spoke
1. They had a drinking related medical scare
2. Their spouse left them while they were in recovery
The medical scare was do to to much drinking, and one of their organs gave out.
This person is younger than me, so can only imagine how much they must of been drinking in order for one of their organs to give out, either that or drinking and taking other stuff as well, who knows.
But makes me think about my own drinking habits.
I've stopped, or cut way back on drinking what I call 'power beer', that's beer with like 8% alcohol content.
I think regular beer has like 4% or so.
Not only that but with me, other than drinking, I pretty much live a slightly above healthy life, as in exercise and diet.
My social life sucks though, socially I'm not fit at all.
Not as happy as I'd like to be and have lost a lot of 'drive and passion' over the years that effects change in ones life.
It's harder to fight when not fighting for anyone.
And social media has a very isolating effect on moral.
People don't know how to conversate anymore, they just know how to comment, as in twitter.
And hand held devices has effected a whole generation of folks.
I came about during the desk top era where you had to sit down to use a computer and type like using a typewriter which made you a better communicator.
Anyways, early morning, another day, another way.
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Post by X factor on Nov 21, 2021 7:53:59 GMT -5
There's a friend, I've never met, what I call a 'phone friend', probably, no, the only person I've ever met purely on social media who I've established a relationship with over the years, as in talking on the phone, but we've never met, they live about 400 miles away maybe?
Anyways, all that aside, we both share many personality traits, including drinking over the years.
But I mainly drank beer, they drank hardcore liquor, well I guess it finally caught up with them, cause now they need a liver transplant, they're on the waiting list for one, and they're younger than I am!...wow.
And I did read a news article weeks before that saying during covid, many people drank hard, and now the liver transplant list has gone up in number, only I never thought anyone I knew would be on that list.
They're scientifically bright and intelligent as well.
Emotionally how do I feel about it?
Neutral, my emotions are just flat right now.
We've never met, and only recently started chatting again.
I still drink beer, but smart about it.
I drink beer, sure, but I exercise, and have a above average healthier diet than most.
And all I do is drink, nothing else, as in I don't do drugs or take anything while drinking that possibly could indeed damage the liver or other organs.
I just drink beers, when off from work, and that's about it, and stopped drinking hi potency beers for the most part.
Still though, obviously I shouldn't drink at all.
Whether that will ever happen, who knows.
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Post by X factor on Nov 22, 2021 12:23:47 GMT -5
 Alcohol the Seductive trap. How much of who I am today, now, is do to drinking I wonder? Does drinking simply enhance what's already in you? If mean, you become more mean, if nice, more nice, if creative more creative and so forth? I don't know, I do know if never started drinking would probably be some academic somewhere instead of where I'm at now, which I can't see is terrible bad, but not the best I could of been if more focused on personal ambitions instead of alcoholic ambitions. I mean I'm still alive and relatively healthy, still work, and actually have more days off per week than I actually work, basically a part time schedule but full time pay. Sure, that part is swell, but over all quality of life nothing near where I hoped it would be had maybe I'd been more focused when a bit younger instead of living life as an adult teenager while drinking and drunk as if not a care in the world. -------------------------------------------- So where am I now with it all? At one of those cross roads I suppose, where realize 'this time', I need to wise up. (how many wise up moments have we all had in the past, just to wise down a few days or weeks later) Why the 'wise up' moment this time? 1. Drinking just doesn't feel the same. 2. Realize I have nothing or no one to get loaded up for anymore, although mostly drink alone, but still usually drink spurts spurned on if chatting on the phone or online on some social media site. 3. A friend of mine (phone friend only), but have known this person for over a decade, and they're younger than me, they, I guess, drank to heavily during the covid lockdowns, so much so that months later when we finally spoke again (Maybe almost a year or more), but when did exchange emails again, they told me that like in Feb or Jan, they went into a coma from drinking to much liquor, almost died and all, and now on the liver transplant list. And they're younger than me. They're scientifically brighter than me as well, they were married and their wife has since left them. I don't feel sad or anything about it, cause like I said it's always been a distance relationship and we've never met, but our personalites were a lot alike, we were both living like adult teenagers, trying to live out our past teenage glories through the bottle, or in my case mainly cans of beer. But for them to have damaged their liver to the extent of nearly dying I wondering if they took other stuff as well, like liquor and some type of drugs, legal or not, would not be a good mix, I don't know, wasn't there, we weren't talking then. But it got me to thinking, if they're younger than me, and on a liver transplant list, what about my own health? When will my luck run out? I don't drink as hard as they did, I still work, still physically exercise, and eat healthy, and don't do drugs, so I have a few things working for me, but still, even people who don't drink eventually get sick, and age eventually catches us all, and the last thing an aging body needs is to try to keep you healthy with the side effects of alcohol. So, as of now, I've stopped drinking again for my health I suppose, for my changing body. And cause if get sick, that's it for me, unlike them I don't have anyone to take care of me, so when my health goes it's pretty much a _____ to the _____ and that's it. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ So that being said, I don't know and we shall see, for fate is the ultimate Master and Lord of our destiny. |
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Post by X factor on Nov 24, 2021 0:07:54 GMT -5
The thing about not drinking, your body heals up so quick, makes you wonder why you always eventually start drinking again?
All the body aches, joint aches, ect, for just not drinking for basically 3 days, amazing how it all just goes away, and probably cause when drinking we flush out so many body healing nutrients that body just can't keep itself repaired, and immune system begins to weaken, it's really that simple.
Cause when I stop drinking, all muscle aches go away, joints no longer grind, way more sustained energy, I basically start feeling 'great' again, like Tony the Tiger.
Yet that being said, I always end up slipping back into a drink or two, then three, as time passes...why?
Everything works so much better when I don't drink, even digestion works way better.
I need to permanetely stop this time, I have no reason to drink anymore, I don't party, so why do I need to drink?
And I'm just as creative when sober, (now), than when drunk.
But to be honest, over the years, my drunk side had to teach my sober side how to be more creative.
But that's a whole other story or post.
But for now, I feel much better just after not drinking for a few days.
But each time it gets scarier and scarier and you say to self
'Is this the dime where so much damage has been done that there no way health can come back?'
For many it is, is why I stopped drinking hard liquor regulalry about 8 months ago or so...maybe longer.
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Post by X factor on Nov 25, 2021 13:27:58 GMT -5
Alcohol had me fooled Alcohol had me fooled, in relation to my over all health and energy levels. Alcohol health and energy is one thing, regular health and energy is another. Everyone who drinks, knows you get to that point where you feel energized, maybe after the 3-4 beer or liquor drink, whatever, there's that place you arrive to where you feel energized and charged, I call it a alcohol charged sensation or zone, but it's fake. You're really not charged, rather reacting to the alcohol, and I'm not sure scientifically what that occurs. That aside, I just know after returning from ball field, and walking a few laps, kicking balls, chasing balls, I felt a bit old out there, legs felt like lead or water drenched logs. And that turned into one of those realization moments where I realized how out of shape I've become, even though haven't drank in about 5 days, and before that not really working for the past 14 days or so. (work is where I usually stay in condition, but while off, drank beer daily) Bottom line, it all caught up with me, this illusion that working out, sometimes, will and can reverse the effects of alcohol sure doesn't apply to me anymore. But mind you my workouts are 'soft', it's not like working out for 1 dedicated hour a day or every other day, my workouts have been soft for the last year or so, meaning 10 minutes here, 15 minutes there ect. And that's not going to cut it, not if drinking. I don't know, sure I'm getting older, but today I felt old before my time, or maybe just 'normal'. Maybe how I felt today is how most people in normal condition feel at my age, but I'm not use to feeling 'normal', I'm always ahead of the curb both physically and mentally. Today was unexeptable to me. And the only person who can change that is myself. 
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Post by X factor on Nov 25, 2021 21:22:44 GMT -5
Also, when sober, you realize how few friends you have, online or in real life.
All the back and forth chatter online, social sites, you realize when sober they could care the less you wake up breathing or not.
When sober, you can't pretend that people like you, when sober, it is what it is, whatever the reality in front of you.
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Post by X factor on Nov 26, 2021 7:17:51 GMT -5
Usually, in the past, when stopped drinking for over 4 days, I feel great, and energized, this time though, not so much, I actually feel very 'void' and empty on the inside, and body doesn't feel much better either.
On a molecular level, I don't feel as solid, but either way, going to stick it out, either I start feeling better or I don't, if not than I guess current feeling will be the new reality I have to deal with.
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Post by X factor on Nov 27, 2021 8:27:14 GMT -5
It really does take a week or two
When first stop drinking, it really does take a week or two to 'settle' into whom or what you really are to self when sober.
It can be a scary transition, cause you're never quiet sure who'll you'll be when the beer stops flowing through your veins.
Will you like yourself?
Will you be happier, sadder, madder, funnier?
And how will your body feel?, cause how our bodies feel, or our general health does often effect our moods and outlook on life.
When feeling healthy, you tend to feel younger, more hopeful, but if body plagued with aches and joint pain, then you're kind of like 'Oh what's the use'.
With me, as of now, after not drinking for nearly 6 days, how do I feel over all?
Not as good as I thought, but maybe that's cause of the drugery of work, hard to sort through your feelings when cold, bland, job is calling which could care the less about your inner self and just measures you on production.
That aside (thankfully off tomorrow and next few days after that), that aside, I feel OK, not great, just barely OK.
Well enough for this job to utilize my bodies energy for yet another day.
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Post by X factor on Nov 30, 2021 1:06:52 GMT -5
When serious about stop drinking, I always do keep beer/alcohol, in the place, why?
When serious about stop drinking, I keep beer/booze, in the place, why?
Cause then I don't think about it, I don't get in that panic mode of 'Oh no, there's no beer in the place'.
By keeping beer in 'the place', I don't panic, thus I don't think about it.
The longest times I've gone without drinking is when there's always beer visible on the counter top, then, for some reason, I don't think about it.
Probably wouldn't work for others though, but works for me.
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Post by X factor on Nov 30, 2021 19:20:41 GMT -5
How does being sober effect my creativity?
When drunk, I just 'do it', without giving it much thought, just roll with the creative flow, and it's the spontanuity that makes it fun, creative and unique, whatever art I'm doing at the moment, be it theater, portraits, ect.
But when sober, spend to much time 'thinking about it', 'will it work?', ect.
When I'm drunk, I don't waste a whole lot of time thinking, rather I just do.
It's why, from what I read, some of the greatest art work in the world, or songs, sung, and or written, were done so while the artist was drunk, stoned, high, whatever, but is why they made such impact, I guess.
But that's usually in rock type music, not so much opera and classical, or maybe there also, I mean who's to say Boch wasn't stoned while he played in the symphony or stoned while he composed his songs?
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Post by X factor on Dec 1, 2021 11:39:59 GMT -5
Drink and go numb, that's a great escape route for many  Just drink and go numb, that's a great escape route for many, but what when drinking and going numb is no longer a viable option?, then what?
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Post by X factor on Dec 4, 2021 22:48:05 GMT -5
Still sober
Still sober, going on two weeks now, with just one drinking session last Tuesday or Wed, I forget, but that's it in 14 days, not bad, not bad at all.
Bodies feeling better now, even that stubborn odd throat cold beginning to go away, now that bodies immune system getting stronger again, and more sustained energy.
But still when I get off work, my mood is sour, but that has more to do with my jobs environment and less to do with drinking or not.
But I'm off now, it's Saturday night, and two weeks ago I'd already be 2 beers down, tonight, nada, nada 1.
So now what?
Beer, in the past, is what always helped me transition from ugly work to fun off time, beer helped me ease into my off time and let the day disintigrate behind me, but when sober, how to get rid of that yucky 'I worked earlier today' feeling??
I'll have to relearn how to do that naturally, but for now determined to stay sober, cause that last scare, well, scared me a bit when I thought maybe I'd gone to far, luckily I didn't.
Now instead of drinking beers this time of the night, I'll eat fruit or drink water, and I know my bodies' like 'Hey, what's going on here?'...but I'm sure body way happier for it.
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Post by X factor on Dec 4, 2021 22:49:36 GMT -5
Still sober Still sober, going on two weeks now, with just one drinking session last Tuesday or Wed, I forget, but that's it in 14 days, not bad, not bad at all. Bodies feeling better now, even that stubborn odd throat cold beginning to go away, now that bodies immune system getting stronger again, and more sustained energy. But still when I get off work, my mood is sour, but that has more to do with my jobs environment and less to do with drinking or not. But I'm off now, it's Saturday night, and two weeks ago I'd already be 2 beers down, tonight, nada, nada 1. So now what? Beer, in the past, is what always helped me transition from ugly work to fun off time, beer helped me ease into my off time and let the day disintigrate behind me, but when sober, how to get rid of that yucky 'I worked earlier today' feeling?? I'll have to relearn how to do that naturally, but for now determined to stay sober, cause that last scare, well, scared me a bit when I thought maybe I'd gone to far, luckily I didn't. Now instead of drinking beers this time of the night, I'll eat fruit or drink water, and I know my bodies' like 'Hey, what's going on here?'...but I'm sure body way happier for it. |
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Post by X factor on Dec 5, 2021 1:55:38 GMT -5
When use to always being drunk, when finally sober for a long period of time, being sober can almost seem like you're in a different dimension  Yes, when finally sober again, majority of the time, it's almost like being sober again is what feels odd, like an illusion, as you begin noticing your feelings again, emotions that maybe you've buried under alcohol for so many years.
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