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Post by X factor on Aug 31, 2022 15:08:53 GMT -5
 I've got to get up and dressed now, and go to the store, and buy some water, and yes, beer..d'oh! Why beer? Cause I have to work tomorrow, and feel crummy now, and so what if I feel crummy tomorrow, I'll be working, but don't want to continue feeling crummy today, and so the only way to forget how crummy I feel now is to drink a little beer, then I'll forget how crummy I really feel. But not drinking beer today won't improve how crummy I feel one single bit |
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Post by X factor on Aug 31, 2022 19:35:28 GMT -5
Well there won't be no last minute 'hurray' beer drinking to night, that's for sure, cause my mood is just not co-operating.
Instead I'll take another mushroom suppliment, which I ordered from Amazon, which is actually suppose to boost your mood, we shall see.
I've only taken two, so we'll see.
Cause my mood could really use some boosting right now.
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Post by X factor on Sept 12, 2022 8:52:46 GMT -5
Not going to lie, I got blasted last night on alcohol, and as usual, made a fool out of myself, sort of, over the phone, trying to call people I otherwise would not.
That's what alcohol does though, it lowers the common sense gate.
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Post by X factor on Sept 12, 2022 8:54:42 GMT -5
I'm the type, that if I were younger, and looked cute, I'd end up getting _______ at a party or something.
Or would be stupid enough to climb into a car of strangers.
It's why when I drink, I drink alone, and if make a fool out of myself, it's usually either over the phone or on social media, that way I don't put self and or others, in harms way.
Instead, I just wake up a bit embarrassed and with a hangover.
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Post by X factor on Sept 19, 2022 10:07:24 GMT -5
I drank last night, and as usual made phone calls, and emailed, and no telling what kind of a fool I came off as.
But there's really no cure to not being lonely other than not feeling lonely.
But being drunk and lonely at the same time is not a good combo.
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Post by X factor on Sept 30, 2022 15:28:58 GMT -5
Life is hard, but it's harder when don't have your health or wits about you Life is hard, for sure, but it's more hard when don't have your wits about you do to any kind of substance abuse. Life is hard, and I need for self to be strong right now, to handle the ruthlessness of life, be it physical ruthlessness or emotional ruthlessness or any other kind of ruthlessness. Cause when down, especially if alone, there's not a soul who will help you. Just look at all the mentally ill types roaming the streets, they're just on their own. Or just look at all the down trodden types roaming the streets, I see them daily, no one's there for them. (sometimes you do see couples sticking it out together) But just years earlier, many of them on the streets were like 'us', thought they had it made, bills paid, and then stuff just happens. Maybe some got addicted to drugs and spent all their rent money on drugs. Alcohol is different, booze doesn't cost as much as drugs, so one can drink wildly and still show up to work. But booze does take it's toll, just in a slower manner. Booze will alter your mood, make you become irresponsible, and make you make bad decisions that very well could have you on the streets, like driving drunk, or getting in a public fight, or even domestic one, and going to jail. It would be nice if they could invent a drug that had no after effect, but not so, every single drug has a high side and a low side. Either side could destroy your life, so best to remain sober and just get high off of good natural health.
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Post by X factor on Oct 4, 2022 3:32:39 GMT -5
My drinking is getting out of control.
Now I'm embarrassing myself around my neighbors.
I just wish I could hide from myself.
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Post by X factor on Oct 4, 2022 3:33:48 GMT -5
I'm on this planet alone
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Post by X factor on Oct 4, 2022 3:36:11 GMT -5
I feel disgraced right now.
I wish I could hide from myself and the whole world, or at least my immediate environment
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Post by X factor on Oct 4, 2022 3:37:33 GMT -5
I feel like a monster to myself right now.
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Post by X factor on Oct 5, 2022 21:59:49 GMT -5
I wonder if drinking to hard can literally bring demons out of you, like unlike doorways within.
Cause I drank hard the last 2 previous days, nights, and was just acting odd.
Gave some street people 100 dollars, I mean what a waste of money, but I wanted to 'show out'...I wanted to feel 'important...how stupid of me.
Then the cops came to my place twice, cause when called non emergency line, I guess I must of sounded troubled.
And then I did other stuff that I just would not normally do or say, even disturbed my neighbors.
I don't know...not happy with self at all.
It was mainly beer, and a tad bit of liquor.
I think the healthier you are, the more it hits you, cause you don't realize the effect until deep into it.
Well I'm sober now, cause have to work tomorrow, but then off Friday, then what?
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Post by X factor on Oct 5, 2022 22:03:36 GMT -5
I wonder if drinking to hard can literally bring demons out of you, like unlike doorways within. Cause I drank hard the last 2 previous days, nights, and was just acting odd. Gave some street people 100 dollars, I mean what a waste of money, but I wanted to 'show out'...I wanted to feel 'important...how stupid of me. Then the cops came to my place twice, cause when called non emergency line, I guess I must of sounded troubled. And then I did other stuff that I just would not normally do or say, even disturbed my neighbors. I don't know...not happy with self at all. It was mainly beer, and a tad bit of liquor. I think the healthier you are, the more it hits you, cause you don't realize the effect until deep into it. Well I'm sober now, cause have to work tomorrow, but then off Friday, then what?
I mean if some cute golden haired, petite college aged m/f, than people will think you're 'cute' while drunk, playful, cause they're not afraid of you, and will make excuses for you cause obviously they're attracted to you, but if tall, or large or fat or ugly or bulky, then drunkness can scare those around you, including the cops.
The same 'demon' could be inside the cute, younger golden haired m/f, but no one would care.
Cute people just get away with more, and their behavior is interprited differently. |
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Post by X factor on Oct 5, 2022 22:08:00 GMT -5
I make a total fool out of myself when drunk, I email folks, and say the stupidest things, I come off as being so immature or gay, or lesbian...I embarrace myself when drunk and texting or talking on the phone....is why I deleted all numbers from my phone, cause tired of embarracing myself when drunk.
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Post by X factor on Oct 8, 2022 19:42:28 GMT -5
Will start trying to rescue self today
Will start trying to rescue self today from 'self', and the first step is to stop drinking, again.
Over the last week, 7 days or so, or last few drinking cycles, I've just gone to far, as in emailing people stupid stuff, having the cops show up for a wellness check, twice, and just stuff you do when drunk, or at least stuff I do.
When you get drunk, and are lonely, it's not a good combination, cause you'll do anything to seek attention, to matter, ect.
Being lonely is nothing to be ashamed of, cause either you are or aren't...but sometimes when add alcohol to that, and the upcoming holidays, well, u just never know.
So, that being said, I need to step in and rescue self, once again, by going sober, again, and for a while.
But oddly enough, even though been drinking more beer lately, health wise I feel pretty decent.
That I can't explain, other than been taking vitamins lately, like fish oil, and Cod or Kod or Krill oil, and other vitamins, and I've stopped eating chips, sugary drinks, for the most part.
And my body feels pretty decent, my mind doesn't, but my body does.
Usually it's the oppossite, usually your body feels bad, yet the mind is sturdy.
Anyways, I need to align my mind with my body, and I can't do that if keep chugging down beer when I'm off from work and home alone.
I need clarity of thought right now, I really do, which will allow me to patch up some holes in my life, things I've neglected.
So anyways, we'll see how long this phase lasts.
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Post by X factor on Oct 8, 2022 19:55:05 GMT -5
And then when sober, you get embarrassed to go back and read emails or texts people may have responded to while you were drunk.
When drunk, you can at times express things to people you normally wouldn't, and they probably think you're weird, odd, can you blame them though?
But everyone can be weird and odd, even celebrities, the thing is though, when not a celebrity, people tolerate it way less.
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