Alcohol...the Seductive trap...

Ice Scream



It's rainy, wet and cold out, maybe that's why I subconsciously took portrait photo in the above direction.

One thing for sure, whether I drink or not, Art is still a way from me to escape, and placing self in portrait is even better cause the casual viewer has no idea it's me.

That gives me a bit of satisfaction in that one can see me in real life, then see me in a portrait and have no idea it's 'me', instead they probably think it's some paid super model, or random person.

Most artist especially if male, are so focused on finding 'right female' subject for painting, or digital art, ect, but never ever consider putting themselves in their own art.

As you will see, I'm so far very ahead of the curb, so so very ahead, as always am.

There's just something so very satisfying about putting self in art, being that in art, that so many flat minded souls never thought you could be.

From my perspective you've gotta understand how flat minded most seem to me, I'm already doing things their limited perceptive minds tell me I can't.

You just gotta see how mentally flat the average humanoid seems to a person like myself.

Q and A session

Q- Is there stuff you regret doing while drunk or drinking?

A- Yes and no

Q- Explain

A- I just think sooner or later whatever is in you will come out, I'm just glad it came out while still 'soxy' to self, and maybe a few others, rather than it coming out when old and deprepad.

And, if and while drunk, I said things to change others perception of me, than they weren't really ever going to be friend or friends anyways, I mean if having a friend or friends means having to walk such a tight, artistic, expressive type rope than what's the point.

That applies to family as well, I mean if others define you in such a small way that you're basically some bland, grey puppet of theirs, than screw them.

Q- What regrets do you have, that drinking may have caused?

A- Mainly lost time, and how alcohol totally steals your enthusiasm to want to accomplish small, yet important things like long job applications, or resumes...or setting appointments for self, clinic, doctor, ect, those things simply get in the way of your drinking so 'why bother'.

I suppose that applies to other addictions as well, in that, the small, yet important stuff just gets in your way and seem very boring and bland.

Q- has drinking changed who you are?

A- Yes and no, in that now I feel like I'm a combo of both, drinking did allow for more expressive sides of self to come out, more colorful sides, real sides that society says to 'hide', so 'that' side is always there, we just oppress it cause society tells it to.

Musicians, actors, actresses are allowed for their other sides to come out in 'theatrical' performances, where as average people are not, or if do, are labeled 'weird'....but funny how we'll pay money for others to 'act weird', and give them a pass and realize their performance is just a side of them and not their all.
But we don't extend that same idea to those closest to us.

And that concludes this Q and A session

The Paranormal side of drinking


Title 'Which is me?'

The paranormal side of drinking, what exactly does drinking release inside of us?

I've noticed, over the years that whenever crafting a portrait pic, there's always something else there, or that appears and I simply give it more clarity, and often times just work it into the 'art' to see what it is.

As far as drinking or even drugs goes, thankfully I just drink from time to time, but the following applies to both obviously in that what does drinking and or doing drugs release that is already inside of us?

Is it our own natures that come out or other natures trapped inside?

I sometimes take portrait pics of self while drunk, and then go back and look at pics when sober and am like 'Good heavens what was I thinking or doing? in that the mannerism I see in pic is not me at all, or is it?

I mean are we what we look like or are we what we feel??

I mean take a beautiful young chick vs a younger handsome male, now imagine there's a photo shoot, and imagine if the male was told to pose just like the female, it's basically an act, but people sensed to seeing females 'act' that role in front of camera, but if male did the same people would think something was wrong with them, why?

Or in more conservative cultures people, even other women, would think something was wrong with the female. So to me it's all really about cultural conditioning.

In a male engineered society, hetero society, it's considered 'art' for a woman to act slutty in front of camera, but if male does the same, than somethings wrong.

(I some times wish I didn't think so much)

If getting drunk in the past made me feel 'pretty', is that evil? Is it evil to be a male, and still want to feel pretty at times, or at least when drunk and alone with no one around?, is that evil, harmless, odd, wrong or nothing.

Is it evil to want to be loved, even by self at times?

To always be defined by society as a monster, and so want to see self in different light when drunk, is that wrong?

Do pretty women like to feel they're monsters, thus rejected by society?
Obviously not or the cosmetic industry wouldn't be so big.

And again I do think it's about roles, but in the absence of assigned role in life what is right or wrong in how one sees self?

For when alone, to me, one has role to play towards own existence, and that role is to stay emotionally balanced.

And like a family has members with different roles to play, in the absence of a family I do believe the person who is alone, whether male or females, fulfills all the roles within self to varying degrees.

I"m frat/sorority guy/gal, type of deviant, or silly, or verbally reckless, and really no more.

I drink, it's like I'm 16 all over again.

Then again maybe to hard on self, compared to what others do while or when drunk.

But still, following day as booze wears off, can be embarrassing when start going over all you said to others while high on liquor.

You stay to yourself cause indeed you are wild, wilder than most, not dangerous, but playfully wild, as such you stay to yourself to 'protect self' from, well, self.

Hmm...love and possibly stability, as in being in a relationship, but as a 'single entity', I'm not safe to self going out alone, cause I simply get to 'wild' and celebratory, and that endears some to me, angers others, and scares some, and when you scare people they can hurt you.

In the past I was either lucky, or 'blessed' by God or fate to ever make it home at all, in that would play with, tease, gangsters, street types, this type and that type, and a few times really pushed fate, one time two 'tough fellas', while down town, actually started following then chasing me, I had to run, but I'm so stupid, I thought it was a game and started laughing when I got away.

I don't trust myself, in that sometimes, at least in the past, just wanted to get 'hurt', emotionally and physically, just to see what it felt like, just to 'play another role'...and it ____ me ___ for some odd reason.

Even got ___ at once, I think, cause I so annoyed a homeless thug bum person.

Oh the stories I could tell, but to me it was all a game, one big game.

I'm just not sure if I'm over that stage or not.

I go out, and it's to easy to manipulate the weakness of others, just depends.

Not sure if I'm emotionally mature enough yet, to go out alone, I guess it just depends on where.

To non drinking event, sure, but if drinking involved, I don't trust myself, even now, cause I turn into something different.

For instance, the immediate reaction to a Christian reading this is...blah blah blah, repent and be saved, yet 'their' own bible speaks of era or time when mischievous 'Angels' did this or that to humans, played with humans and created this or that.

Well either it occurred or it was a fable, and if the bible is a fable, than any grounds to judge others also is based on fable, can't have it both ways.