|
|
Post by X factor on Apr 27, 2013 19:21:14 GMT -5
Hello...
One of the greatest mysterious in the Universe is 'induvisuality'...
Those who are self aware, and act, and behave contrary of what their environment says they should...
For instance..writing as a black person...4 whites you encounter in Alabama give you cold hard stares and snarl at you...but the 5th one you encounter gives you a big fat hug...
And speaking as a white person...your in Detroit...and the first 4 black males you encounter try to scam you...but the 5th one offers to buy you gas so you can be on your way...
Induvisuality is odd and powerful...and often doesn't make sense...
As if special souls are chosen, before their born, to just be different...and make a difference...
Same with Israelis in the middle east with Palestinians and vice versa...
Some people just seem to reason differently than their environment says they should...
Stand outs, people who operate outside of what is popular, yet 'good'...to me are the ones with souls...
|
|
|
|
Post by X factor on Apr 29, 2013 21:47:28 GMT -5
 I went out last night... It was fun...I hardly go out anymore... As such I'm in a funk tonight...guess I'm still coming down from the excitement of last night.. So much energy and different personalities there, me being chief amongst them... I really needed to break the regular mundane grind of daily life... Needed to go somewhere where I could feel like a super star just for a few hours... Live big, think big, play big... I think my calling was to work in the entertainment business...or in and around it... People are in a totally different mode when they go out...and want to feel good... They put their day face away, and come out with the night life face... But there are a few, even at clubs or bars or dance halls, who still bring a sour face... There's always a few that act grumpy, even at clubs... Right now I feel like Cinderella must of felt when forced to return home by midnight, to a dull mundane life...to a mother in law, who saw no value in the potential they had...  In real life that 'mother in law' could represent many things, like co-workers, store clerks, neighbors and others whom your in and around through out the day... Going out and just living it up for a night, allows you to just break free of other peoples small narrow view of you... It allows you to be a super star in a super stars environment away from the mess... Yes, I had fun last night...and tonight, I feel like Cinderella as the Carriage returns back into thin air...[/font] |
|
|
|
Post by X factor on May 1, 2013 18:40:09 GMT -5
Hello, Feeling really 'flat' right now...I went out Sunday night...chilled Monday night, than got wild at home last night... It's fun, it's an escape...but I also realize I can't do that every night...cause it will take a toll on your body and mind...and soon you'll just want to party all the time, and drink, and feel 'happy' feel 'charged'... But then the next day, you feel like nothing...and to combat that nothingness, you want to do it again and again, as reality becomes something you stop wanting to face... Not that going out has to be a all or nothing proposition... You can go out, and mingle, without alcohol being involved at all. Infact, that's probably something I should learn to do. 'Temper' my outings...by being more mellow... But usually places you go where people don't 'drink'...every ones stiff and up tight...and clichés.. And I'm not much of a spectator...in that it's hard for me to sit through a concert and watch other people with talent play... I get jelious and or just bored...I like to participate in things, be a part of, when I go out. Just listening to others play music, I could do that with the radio. I guess it's all about enhancing your experience when you go out...that's why people drink so heavily at sporting events...  People are more drunk at sporting events, baseball games, than they are bars or clubs...or so it seems. So obviously it's always about 'enhancing' your experience...and beer is a cheap, legal, way for many to do that. But it's when you have to start 'enhancing' your down time at home, that issues can arise. When you start wanting to live like a Rock Star every night, then issues can arise. But if you could learn to feel like a 'rock star' every night without beer, than I suppose that would be good. And I suppose some or many do, through hobbies, church, just having good friends around, or even a job ones in love with...like working at a research lab or something...where you're rewarded and recognized for your success. Or in other nations, many get swept up in revolutions, politics, and that provides plenty of raw adrenaline. I have none of that going on... Sometimes even a second job helps. Or athletic competition, or any kind of competition...MMA classes, stuff that makes you want to get your body into condition, instead of slowly destroying it through alcohol... I'm outta here...back soon, hopefully. |
|
|
|
Post by X factor on May 5, 2013 16:08:00 GMT -5
 Hello... It's a really really lazy Sunday for me...nothing going on at all...on couch, being a potato. Place is clean...bills paid... Just a lazy Sunday...guess I should be thankful that it's lazy and not turbulent. Think I'll do a few more chores, lay back, and just watch a movie...later. |
|
|
|
Post by X factor on May 6, 2013 19:11:11 GMT -5
 When I first started on here...did I not tell you I write more than anyone else on the planet... It was slow going at first...you just don't know... I had years of writing from before, that I deleted...kind of wish I hadn't now...oh the memories that are gone now...but it will all eventually come out again... And I'm not just here...I have stuff spread out all over the place...under different aliases I guess...different forms, blogs, chat rooms...ect. I'm a write o holic I suppose... Which I suppose means I don't really have anyone to listen to what I want or need to say in real life. No one I'm 'in love with' to dump all my thoughts into. Nope...just 'me, myself, and I'...does that ring a bell to ya? Anyways.. Another quite evening... I was going to get a keyboard...but then did research, and got overwhelmed with all the varieties and prices... I should of just went and got one. Sometimes we get so concerned with spending money, buying things for self, that we don't...and life just passes us by, each day bringing us on day closer to our demise... So if we don't buy things for ourselves now, while alive and healthy, then when? On a different not...if I lived 100 miles away from anyone, I'd be perfectly fine with that...as long as I could still communicate through the web.  I mean like some place way out like this. As it is, I don't interact or socialize with anyone here, so it wouldn't bother me to live way out like this. Oh the peace and quiet...no noise, no racket, no urban bs...just the wind and stars at night... No one to judge or rate you...free to just live as you please... |
|
|
|
Post by X factor on May 10, 2013 13:00:35 GMT -5
Hello, home early from work, and already bored to death...  Just plain bored... And I can't drink or anything to enhance the boredom...cause if I drink...I will die...pass away...don't have time to explain right now...but I just can't drink anymore...not if I want to live... And sitting around chomping down on healthy food is boring as hell also... Ok, celery sticks and water, and vitamins, isn't exactly my idea of fun. Oh whatever am I going to do...I can't run or escape from reality anymore, accept when I sleep and dream. What a bad, low grossing week...thinking about joining a union soon... Talk radio jargon and rhetoric sure doesn't pay the bills, that's for sure. You basically have 20 or so years to rake in all the money you can for your retirement and future...better get yours while you can, and however you can...cause the wealthy sure aren't going to look back and help you or us. Anyways...bored bored bored...think I'll create a 'to do list'... |
|
|
|
Post by X factor on May 16, 2013 14:51:18 GMT -5
Hello... Oh my gosh how twitter makes you become a lazy writer...post See...on twitter, all you do is basically right a sentence, and then post it...post And the screen scrolls down, and it gives you that instant gratification of doing something... But there's really no substance to it, cause whatever you type, is gone and forgotten in seconds or minutes, never to be read again...where as blogging, you can library, store, your thoughts and share hours, weeks, months, even years down the road. But it's not instant like twitter... One good, well thought out post on a blog, can take up to an hour or more. Where as twitter is more instant, like food cooked in a microwave oven...  I have wasted many a good thought, and mood on twitter, that I wish I had made into a post or blog instead...where I could share over and over again, and would have more meaning. Twitter is like crack cocaine of writing...it's fast, cheap and addictive. Anyways...as far as personal life goes...nothing significant to report on...things are moving slow right now...slow slow slow... In this world, money tends to open gates...things shift, when you have enough money to make them shift...  But without money...whether cash or loans, things kind of stand still... It's the system modern man has devised... That's why people who live check to check, come alive on pay days...and scurry around. It's sad that that's what life has come down to. In this world, it's obvious that 'god' is money... The counterfit god is money...but in this world, this realm, money is reality...and money or lack of, is what effects people just about more than anything else... Even churches will tell you not to value money, while handing out the collection plate for money 4-5 times during service...  Oh well...just got in...trying to break my twitter addiction and get to writing meaningful well thought out posts again for future consumption...later.. |
|
|
|
Post by X factor on May 17, 2013 15:59:30 GMT -5
Hello... It's Friday....  And I usually blog here when I'm not 'hot' on any particular theme... And this is the only section I don't promote, through links... Yes, it's Friday...Friday means different things to different people of different ages, and circumstances... For those in school, Fridays like liberation day...Freedom day... To those who work, Fridays more like 'I can finally relax day'... (assuming one has a mon-fri type of work scheduale) To those who are alone and single...Fridays are usually very disappointing... Anticipation builds all week, and then when day arrives, you don't do anything...and actually can feel more lonely than during the week. You know, and sense, and can smell others out there doing things, but you seem detached from it all... There's so many factors in how Fridays are received by each induvisual. Enviornment is key though...social environment. When you're in an environment that is in sync with your personality and style, Fridays are grrrrreat...  But if you're in an environment where you don't fit in, where you're out of sync with those around you...than Fridays can be dark and lonely... It can be like torture, as you hear others having fun around you...others who connect. Most don't know what it's like to be a true outsider, Cause most never leave places they're from or raised up in. Yes, there are events always going on...but events can seem hollow and empty, if you have no one to share the moment with. Again, so many variables... Fridays still feel good though...mainly cause Saturday follows...meaning you can wake up whenever you want. Except for those who work weekend shifts and like convient stores and cashiers or security guards ect. In closing...I guess Fridays are what you make them...even if you're alone...they can still be happy days for you... A time to watch a good movie, or get caught up or reading or writing, or time to spend with your pet. Anyways...that concludes this kind of meaningless post... But it's a blog, so it doesn't have to always make sense or have a clear precise point...later... |
|
|
|
Post by X factor on May 22, 2013 16:11:01 GMT -5
Not sure what I want to do going down the road here. Not sure what it is I could do, to restore the daily joy I use to have. Back before I knew about human nature, biases, favoritism and so on. Back when I thought if you followed the rules of civility and politeness, that others would take notice and open doors of opportunity for you. Back before I noticed a lot of things I suppose. But now it seems the more one knows about all of the above...the less thrilled you become about tomorrow. Families give humans purpose, as well as animals... Cause a family of your own allows you to take focus off of self, and apply it to others you care for, which invigorates most. Even if your own life is going know where, knowing your helping your off springs life or lives, to prosper, is good medicine for the soul. Marriage and family is indeed a very good thing, for those blessed with such. Even 'lust' has a purpose. The purpose of 'lust' is to bring two people together, who might not otherwise be interested in one another. Without lust, population rates would drop tremendously. There is no attraction, without a bit of lust...even though lust has pretty much been turned into a bad word or idea. When lust begins to drop in you, you stop seeking out relationships as aggressively. Whomever created man, and animals, simply created them that way. But lust doesn't just have to apply to the flesh, It can also apply to cravings or passions you have towards interests, like racing cars, or rodeos or flying or rapping or dancing or creating a business. Lusts or cravings is what makes you want to go do things...when that lust or cravings begin to fade...what excited you 10 years ago, may make you yawn now...  It's all based on hormones and chemicals within the body...like hunger and appetite is. One thing for sure, my lust or craving to write doesn't seem to be slowing down any... |
|
|
|
Post by X factor on May 23, 2013 23:13:52 GMT -5
Just got done watching the old Clint Eastwood movie 'Dirty Harry'...or one in the series...  This movie really takes you back to a different time...revolvers and all, Disco and Funk music...and kind of the whole early to mid Brady Bunch style of dress. Clint Eastwood was handsome back then...and kind of favors the character who plays 'Wolverine' in the X man series...Hugh Jackman or something...  Ye, I've always thought Clint and Hugh look a like... Anyways, that's not what I feel like writing about...I'm writing cause everything feels fake to me right now. Everything online, as well as in real life just seems fake. People seem fake, situations seem fake, everything just seems staged. Outcomes already seemed planned, regardless of your efforts. Pre determined outcome seems more plausible than effort, it's why it seems some people with a lot of effort get no where, and you see others, who just by whom they know, are who likes them, get propted up. Twitter seems fake, the people on there seem fake, it all just seems fake. People don't act like that in real life, repeat the same stuff over and over again. The last few days have been odd...a struggle, and very uncertain. I really wish I had the where with all to just walk away from it all...but in todays world, where do you walk too? There's really no where to walk away to. Every square inch of land is owned or zoned...it's not like you can just go pitch a tent any where. There's really no where to go anymore unless you have the money to just buy your own land, where u can stay without being bothered. But to go through this crap for another 10,20,30 years just seems pointless to me, to watch all the fruits of your labor, which is money, just get spent up on bills and other misc items. It all just seems mechanical and pointless. Everyone is corrupt...expecially the newer generation...they all swear, curse, use profanity...just go on twitter or you tube or face book, nothing but vile thoughts, vile posts, and this is the new normal? It's scary...it's like a demonic generation has arose...  Like a foul spirit has taken control of the masses...and I don't just mean within the shallow fake phony realm of politics...I mean like human characteristics and all...more and more people just seem foul, dishonest, nasty, cruel, slanderous...and on and on...and it seems to be becoming more and more mainstream. As such, whole companies take on a foul nature. Then again...maybe it's been like this forever, and I just didn't notice it. If so, not sure why it's effecting me differently now. There just seems to be no more source of righteousness to turn to. And like the animals who sought higher ground during the Asian Tsunami, my every instincts tell me I should do the same, but again...go where? Even caves are owned by the Government today...there is really no place to go anymore to just be left alone. Seems I'm the wrong everything, the wrong color, in the wrong area, the wrong job. Just not sure what to do about it all anymore... |
|
|
|
Post by X factor on May 27, 2013 15:00:44 GMT -5
Hello...not sure what to write about...going down a 'to do list'...and 'blog' came up. But not really in a journal blog mood... I do know thunkaty thunk music sounds foul between the walls. Music, loud music, does nothing for me anymore...only success, prospering, makes me happy anymore...everything else is just fluff. This is like my main, generic journal...so I try not to get to 'deep' into stuff here. But last night, from like 1am to 7am was 'deep'...like health scare deep. I wrote about it elsewhere. As an induvisual, I realize now, I can't do anything. A ant can do nothing alone...but ants working together are a formidable force...  Ants working together, can build mountains, and change the environment. But a single ant working alone, no matter how fierce, can't accomplish much, and doesn't last long in nature. It's the same with humans...induvisual talent is almost like having no talent at all. But collective talent becomes a force. The same concept around gangs, corporations, companies, societies, nations, families, friends ect. Anyways...this is old news for me, just rehashing stuff I've know about and written about for years. No matter where you go, same rude neighbors, same corrupt bigoted employer, same co-worker (r's) who feel they have the right to diminish your value...there is nothing new under the sun...not with man anyways... |
|
|
|
Post by X factor on Jun 1, 2013 12:53:52 GMT -5
Ok, kind of a general, generic, blog time...
With the advent of the net and all...over the last 30 years or so, what happens when many of those who start blogs and sites, begin to die off?
Does their work or works, stick around forever online?
And when you go online to so many 'dead blogs'...are you reading stuff from those deceased?
Or like on forums, do we occasionally even respond to older posts, of people who are no longer alive?
I'm sure it occurs...
Anyways...just trying to enjoy the weekend...
It's quiet and still right now.
|
|
|
|
Post by X factor on Jun 2, 2013 7:38:15 GMT -5
My thoughts feel suspended right now... That's a weird spot to be in for me... On another note, had lush, full, wonderful dreams last night...very interactive dreams...  Yes, had lots of colorful dreams last night...in my dreams, I always have a role. Like the opposite of real life. And maybe dreams help give some of us that balance...gives you what your lacking in real life, involvement. The one making the decision, the one who matters, the one who influences situations...and so forth. Some fulfill all of that while awake...I certainly do not. But like I was saying earlier, my thoughts feel suspended...even on twitter I can only read others stuff, and repost others stuff...but don't feel like posting any thoughts of my own. At least when you're not famous, you don't have to be...but when you are famous...never a moment of your own. Lot's of responsibility comes with being famous, you have to really manage your image... Like the gay basket ball NBA player...the whole world has already forgotten about him already...seems announcing he was 'gay' was the most light he's had shined on his career since entering the NBA...now he's already gone and forgotten about... Funny how that works...but it proves that even if your 'gay'...you still need character, still must have interesting dynamics about you, if you want to stay in the lime light... later... |
|
|
|
Post by X factor on Jun 5, 2013 22:47:39 GMT -5
For some reason I'm in a bit of a anti social media mood right now...it all seems useless to me..
And seems to encourage some or many how to behave like snakes...
Kind like the same mentality of people who write on bathroom stalls, and leave behind all sorts of messages that they're never accountable for...
Social media can be like bathroom stall mentality on line.
On another note...
Did absolutely nothing this evening...layed around on couch in and out of sleep.
Simply taking a break from sleeping right now...watching 'Pet Semetery'...
Some movies deal with timeless themes, and is why I can watch them over and over.
Timeless themes with tightly written believable scripts and good performers.
When you watch a good movie, you don't feel like your watching a movie or actors.
goodnight again...
|
|
|
|
Post by X factor on Jun 10, 2013 17:57:19 GMT -5
 Sometimes I feel like I need to 'wake up'... Then other times I'm not sure what 'waking up' is... It's like 'wake up' to what? Every time I do try to 'wake up'...it seems 10 things go wrong, which make you want to fall back to sleep again...hypothetically speaking. It's like when you're sleeping you don't have to deal with obstacles. It just seems whenever you have that light bulb positive mood moment...that moral clarity moment...than 20 things go wrong that thrusts you back into your old slump. I've been watching older episodes of the Twilight Zone...the original series as ran on TV the first year.  And each show, episode, is full of lessons on life, themes that are ageless...themes that apply to everyone alive. Themes we all have dealt with some time or another. The show is ageless, and seems to have really got me thinking about the structure of my own life, or better yet, the structure of my thought process. Many of the themes in the Twilight Zone deal with second chances, dwelling on the past, wishing you were some where that you're not and so on. The shows, expecially by todays standards, are almost spiritual, cause they all teach a lesson...a positive one, just in sometimes a 'twisted' type of way...but 1959 type of twisted, which by todays standards would be ultra sanitizing. Sometimes I think I've given up, but the Twilight Zone actually teaches you not to. It really teaches you to value 'now'...and what you have now. It's unfortunate that sometimes you have to get from old Television shows what you fail to get from the community around you, where there are no more old men with wisdom in the neighborhoods. There is no more wisdom being past around on the street level, where family structures are fractured and broken up. So sometimes you have to turn on the TV or order DVD's and get it from way back when. Like wisdom bottled up and packaged on film from way back. So sad that that whole wise or wiser generation is dying off or already dead. Cause there hardly is no wisdom coming from this new age... The only thing coming from this new age is commercialism, consumerism and the all mighty dolla' Anyways...I've got a few minor chores to do...back soon. |
|
