Love, Romance and Dating, and the complexities of

I don't know, I thought I'd be more excited about possible meeting and then courting someone, but I'm not.
Maybe I'm just to used to being alone and single.
I'm older now, I've been single for years, haven't been in love for ever.
Relationships take a lot of effort, especially when new.

I met someone, or thought I did, on a whim, it was exciting for the first few days, but now, I don't know, maybe I'm just to used to being alone and single.

I think as you age, relationships become less about sox appeal, and more about necessity or commonality.

I've been single for so long, not sure I want or need a woman anymore, non were ever for me in the past when I prioritized them, as such, I've had to emotionally survive all these years alone, and think thoughts about self, make theater out of myself, in order to give nature that balance, and now, not sure if I can just cut all that out....cause 'that', is what took care of me and sustained me for years, when no woman would.

And when you date a woman, they want you to be 100% man, and focused on them, cool, that's fine, but I'm older now, and again, to just snuff out my other more theatrical sides, not sure if I want to do that.

I don't know, maybe my window to be with another is over.
I thought I'd be happier if and when I met another, but all it's doing so far is creating confusion inside of me.

I'm not gay, or I'd have gay friends and lovers, so that's not it, I guess it's rejection that I'm ultimately guarding myself against.
People can be cruel, and things you tell a woman/man, while courting, as soon as you two have a fight, what do people do?

They sling everything you told them in private, out to the public to try to slay you.
Both men and women do that to one another when they fight or break up.

I think I'd be more comfortable dating a bi-soxual woman, who just is better at understanding gender or personality nuances, better than some 'straight' woman would.

And then you have to worry about peoples friends, and what they think of you, and their family.
I'm just not trying to put on some perfect act, or put on some personality, cultural costume that isn't me.
I don't want to have to fake who I am, and what I've been over the years just to appease others.

Sometimes, you gotta wonder, as you get older, is god or fate keeping you single to protect you?

Cause so many people walk around with secrets that they don't tell you about until get deeper into the relationship....both males and females do this, or I should say men and women.

And not only that, when you meet someone, it's those already in their life that they bring with them....and if those around them aren't 'good' or positive, hmm.

Love keeps you alive.

At my age though, am I willing to fight for love?

I don't know.
I just don't know anymore.