Alone

The alone test

The key to knowing how alone you really are is asking self this question.

'If I died right now, how long until someone, outside of employer, would notice or care?'

That's the key question.

Some have sat in homes for over a year, dead, before finally being discovered.

Others, if out of contact with stream of family and friends, if they don't respond within minutes, alarms go off, and the rest of us somewhere in between.

If you were to pass away now, in bed, on couch, ect, how long would it be until alarms went off in other peoples head that 'something is wrong'?...(excluding employer)

Ask yourself that...would it be minutes, hours, days, weeks, months or years, before some one noticed you were gone.

I don't want to go to bed, I don't want to be alone tonight.

I simply decided to take a time out from being chased around a gigantic Mansion, like the size of 3 football stadiums, with lots of windows and halls, and passages, anyways I simply took a time out from being brutalized inside such a mansion, beat up, dragged, dominated, controlled by jealous forces, I simply took a time out from that, to write this, for maybe by writing it will help me to fall asleep, but as soon as I stop writing this, lay back down, and close my eyes, the constant self destructive images in my mind will continue with no break at all.

It's the only form of affection I know, I suppose...

Some times I like being alone, other times I can resent it, just depends.

I do it to myself I guess, here, out there, a city full of activity and people, yet I remain alone and in purposeful isolation.

Not sure why?

I guess I"m just turned off by the population, by people in general, there's nothing out there for me, I've seen it all already, know everything about human nature, can predict how 'small' most will react before encounter.

Do only reason for me to go out anymore seems to be for commercial purposes, like to the store, where you have a purpose for being there.

Clubs?...I just don't do anymore, they seem pointless to me right now.

I'd might like to go to a older more sophisticated 'Jazz' type club, but even then, I don't know...I've changed over the years, I guess I use to think I was cool, and had a lot of money to spend.

When you have money to spend, can buy people drinks, everyone fakes like they like you, but if wondering how you're going to pay for your own drink, going out can be cloudy.

Maybe that's it, since i don't have gobs of cash anymore, I know longer feel confident, like I can just buy my way out of any situation or buy my way into any situation.

Even here I post, but don't share, yet get 'random' view and reads.

If I promoted every post I posted, would get a lot more views, but again, in the end what does it matter?...I don't get paid to write.

! view, 10,000 views, effects my writing ability or voltage zero.

I'd write even if all alone on Mars.

Jabba Please



'Jabba Please'

Jabba please, I'll take your worm like affection, bullish ways, over being alone, as long as a spirit.

I don't real mind being alone



I don't always really mind being alone, if paired, I probably couldn't imagine being alone, but since alone for so long, being paired, to me, is like a fantasy, something meant for others.