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Post by X factor on Jun 13, 2022 9:31:37 GMT -5
Monday thoughts  Hell is not hot, rather it's simply lonely, a lonely place to be, hell that is. I do hope most everyone of sound mental state is having a wonderful day today. I don't really know what else to say, other than it's Monday, again. Now back to my lonely hell.
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Post by X factor on Jun 27, 2022 8:49:13 GMT -5
Monday thoughts  Monday is here, and so am I. I will start the day tackling must do type of tasks, like finishing up some super boring lessons from job that make me want to vomit. Then calling publisher to see if they unpublished book like a asked them to, as I do believe they're ripping me off. One fun thing though is I will call radio station to see if I can fiscally afford to get a show on their station, no, not full time, but maybe for like 1 hour a week, or 1 30 min slot on the weekend...that's all I need. Let's see, what else? finish signing lease. And those are the hardcore things I must knock out today, or maybe they'll knock me out instead. I'm up, I have no reason to believe today will be any different than any other day. Haven't been following the news, the issues of the world just aren't mine right now. I'm sober, haven't had a drink in 6 days, but that could change, and I'm off till Wednesday. Phone has been off for 40 hours or so, hopefully no one has tried to call, and if so, so what, I never get fun calls anyways. Well time to get up, cook some eggs, and see what the day brings. It's Monday.
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Post by X factor on Jul 4, 2022 9:05:59 GMT -5
Monday thoughts  Its the 4th of July also, big whoopti doo. I'm happy this day means so much to others who have family and loved ones to spend it with, but for me just another day, and a night of dread, as neighborhood goons light off fireworks and you got to wonder if your cars getting hit by them. ------------------------- I think the only thing that's going to salvage my day is if I create a 'to do list', otherwise I'm just to much in a post drinking lazy type of mood to feel like getting anything done on my own, without the to do list guiding me. First some breakfast though, eggs and whatever else I throw in the frying pan. It's Monday, at least I'm off, thank goodness.
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Post by X factor on Jul 4, 2022 20:02:29 GMT -5
where I stay right now, fireworks been blown off by people who have no idea what the 4th of July is about, they simply love the loud noise and chaos.
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Post by X factor on Jul 11, 2022 14:57:25 GMT -5
Monday thoughts  Not a very constructive Monday for me at all, had big plans today, but then stupid me just had to have some beers yesterday evening, and of course that totally wrecked my mood today. Alcohol and motivation just don't go very good together...to want to do something, out in the sun, that takes effort and bravery, the last thing you need is alcohol in your system. Oh well...maybe one day I'll get it right. I just drink out of loneliness at times, when don't have anyone to confide in or laugh with or share your struggles with, alcohol helps you to forget that. And soon, which was suppose to be today, I will make myself much more publicly known, cause trying to promote stuff...and online promotions are about useless, at least for me. I mean who buys stuff from you on twitter?? It's all just so rigged now behind the scenes. Also, where I stay, all the 'racist' who've been kicked off social media are now distributing flyers in peoples yards, like they use to do long ago. Here's what I always say and tell people, energy will exist one way or another, better to give it a controlled channel than for it to go off on it's own (referring to bad actors). Evil (however you chose to define it) doesn't go away just cause twitter or FB deletes or mutes their accounts, evil simply takes another path. And this just doesn't apply to radical types, it can apply to even artists, or ect. I will be out on the streets promoting my stuff cause online has become about useless to me, and more people will see my banner and flyers in 30 minutes, than online for 1 year....think about that...I mean really, think about that. If I set up my poster stand at a freeway off ramp, more eyes will be aware of my product in 30 minutes than being on line for 1 year, and I'll have way more impact in person, vs online. Online half the views are probably bots, and the other half, who knows, but they certainly don't support you, that's for sure..the curious maybe, one and done types maybe. Anyways, it's Monday, again, and again, it's me who tripped my own self up. But to be fair to self, being lonely is not a sin, and the only cure to loneliness is to not be lonely. And people do whatever they can to not feel lonely, and sometimes it can be destructive to self.
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Post by X factor on Jul 18, 2022 9:18:37 GMT -5
Monday thoughts  Ahh, it's Monday again, what shall I do today? Physically I feel better than I did last Monday, that's for sure, but that's about all that's changed. There's annoying people painting up and all around my patio area. It's still summer, it's still July and I'm still a underachiever, nothing has changed. Need to go grocery shopping, place about out of food, I need to do a lot of things, but doesn't mean I will. First thing I need to do after this is get dressed. The thing is, is when I'm at work, and hating it, I have fire in my bossom, but when I get home, am off for a few days, and sitting in air conditioned place, I turn into jelly. It's like you have to be agitated in order to get motivated enough to act, but when at home, assuming home is a peaceful place to be, there is no agitation, so all the fire just goes away and you, or I, at least, once again turn into jelly. Oh well, time to get up, get dressed, eat, and maybe go shopping...I also need to workout, I've been slacking on that lately. Welcome to Monday.
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Post by X factor on Jan 23, 2023 19:13:31 GMT -5
I'm tired, I'm nothing.
When will 'fate' reclaim me?
And how does that feel to actually return to nothing?
I mean right now I'm alive, and I don't matter, have zero impact on life or others, but when dead and gone, will matter even less.
It's mind boggling even thinking about it.
Here one minute, gone the next, then what?
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Post by X factor on Jan 23, 2023 19:14:38 GMT -5
Should I go to the store or not?
Its dark out, creeps are out, cause creepy people love roaming around after the sun has set.
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Post by X factor on May 15, 2023 22:11:15 GMT -5
The most fun thing about today was the 'Gen X radio show'...can now listen on Spotify open.spotify.com/episode/6JthxhNZbiwB8BkQbcqH7A If missed today's show, can now listen on Spotify. Today's show dealt with Zombies and Humanity, as well as Prayer vs the Ouija board. If want something different, than tune in every Monday from 9:9:30 am Pacific time on 1150 KKNW.
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Post by X factor on May 22, 2023 18:37:25 GMT -5
I feel really sappy and, I don't want to say 'low on energy', it's something else, maybe not motivated?
Maybe a bit discouraged?
Not sure, but it's effecting my mood, making me feel tired when I probably shouldn't be.
Maybe it's just the overwhelming sense of evil in this world. Evil is everywhere, evil is embedded into everything.
People spy, big tech spies, and now AI is out there, no one is honest, morals are breaking down.
People, urban monsters, beat others up for sport now, for no good reason, then when you defend yourself, you're the one who gets in trouble with the law.
I don't know, maybe I'm just letting all the evil in this world get to me, who knows.
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Post by X factor on May 22, 2023 18:38:21 GMT -5
Or it could be I'm trying to stop drinking, and body is trying to adjust, cause usually I'd be drinking me some beers right now, but trying to cut that habit out.
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Post by X factor on Jun 12, 2023 15:19:03 GMT -5
Monday thoughts  Yep, it's Monday, and I've managed to waste most of the day, or the day has managed to waste most of me. Haven't even gone outside yet, why should I? It's hot, muggy, there's bugs outside. I think I may get dressed and take out the trash, other than that, hmm. Normally I'd be working on a radio/podcast show I do, but that show's winding down in a few weeks, and so will probably air 'best of's' for remaining two show. People really just don't care anymore what you have to say, no matter how profound, if you're not a celebrity already. Even dorky celebrities get more attention than the brightest scholars. Anyways, time to hit the 'to do list' and see what I end up crawling into for the rest of the day. 2 weeks ago I was all hot over getting a sports car, a used one. I think now, what if I had actually gotten it, financed it, and would it have changed anything about my life? Would having a cool Dodge Challenger, a used one, would that have made me want to get up and out more? I doubt it, and like current car, it would just end up sitting out in parking lot practically unused other than when driving to work and back. But at least I'd of looked cool doing so.
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Post by X factor on Jun 19, 2023 7:44:55 GMT -5
It's Monday  It's Monday, and this is pretty much how my day will go. Sometimes I think you suffer hell before you die, not after you're dead. ================================ Anyways, I'm not always in such a grim mood, but kind of am now, for whatever reason. Who knows, maybe I'll win the lottery today and will be able to walk away from everything. Until then, it's just another grim Monday for me.
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Post by X factor on Jun 19, 2023 22:12:37 GMT -5
I have 3 fans blowing on me right now I have yet to turn on the A/C this summer. Mainly cause earlier, a few months ago, had mice in this place, and where a/c unit is, and I feel if I turn on a/c, it'll blow into the rooms, all the mice bacteria, roach bacteria, pesticide particles, ect, all into the air. As such, I just don't feel like cranking the a/c unit up just yet. For now, fans will do.
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Post by X factor on Jul 3, 2023 8:40:45 GMT -5
My Monday My Monday, when you start off the day already feeling like you've lost. I dodn't think I have the eternal fire anymore, which it takes to overcome the obstacles in this world, for some anyways. Some are born on the easy train, and then ride that train throughout life, but most or many aren't and do not. But it takes mental grit, drive and motivation to overcome. The mind is the engine, and the heart is the fuel, but if have no fuel, then what? I need fuel right now, but not sure where to get it from. Normally the fuel is there in your own life in the form of love, from others, family, friends, co-workers, ect, but when really have none of that, where does the fuel come from?
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