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Post by X factor on Aug 18, 2013 23:16:51 GMT -5
Late night in the attic, for when that other mood sets in...that twylight mood between here and there. That moment between late night and tomorrow. Where you're kind of free to think and ponder, and where no one owns you until morning. That quiet time, reflection time. As I sit here in the dark I have two fans on, blowing at me...there's something therapeutic about the sound, the fast moving air. It almost reminds me of being outside high in the mountains, where there's a natural breeze. Outside of my own inner environment...I really don't need much anything else. All day tomorrow will simply be a distraction... No one seems to be able to do their job right, which effects yours... I see, have to deal with, so much incompetence during the course of the day that it about drives you insane. People can be as incompetent as they want, but when their incompetents effects your ability to earn, then it gets frustrating. People thrown, thrust, into positions that they're just not qualified, or lack training to fulfill. Then the noise, traffic, trains, engines, sirens...it's all so artifiscal and unhealthy...at least in my opinion. At least for me, right now, in this stage of my life, it is... So I escape up into the 'attack' to chill...and to try to create a soothing environment in the dark, with no noise or disturbance. Cause when I sleep, and wake up, I'll be thrust into that other world, whether I like it or not. So I hang onto the night as long as I can. This quiet spot in the attic... Much more to follow...
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Post by X factor on Aug 19, 2013 20:50:57 GMT -5
Hello...glad to be back...this is the most calm place in the world to me right now...up here in the attic...where it's quiet...no noise, no movement, no pressure, no schedual...just thought....
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Post by X factor on Aug 20, 2013 21:43:17 GMT -5
Late night in the attic... It's that time again...that safe, quiet, still, time...the time between here and there. That moment, zone, when no one owns you...you're free from previous days shackles, and tomorrows shackles have yet to be place upon you. A special time indeed. A safe time, cause everything just stops, yesterdays problems gone, and tomorrows issues haven't arrived yet. So I come up here to the attic to just sit still, and enjoy the moment. To let body and mind heal, to accept self 'as is'.. In fact, being in the attic calms me down so much, I have no anxieties right now, no issues I feel like discussing. Kind of like when younger, laying out in a field at night and just staring up at the stars...doing that, laying on back, in grass, and staring up at stars, really gave scale to 'self'... Scale...sometimes we forget the majesty of it all... And there are times when we still need to remind ourselves of 'scale'... When Earth gets to big and crowded for you...just look up at the stars... Back soon...
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Post by X factor on Aug 25, 2013 19:19:46 GMT -5
Hello...I know it's not 'late night' yet...but it's still kind of that 'pre tomorrow' moment, time or zone... Where all is calm, and no one owns you yet...tomorrow has not arrived, yet today still carries you, us. That in between moment of time. Where you're just alive, but not required to do anything, or be any one in particular. You're in the attic where it is quiet, peaceful and safe...a shield from the turbulent world outside. Just enjoy the moment and relax... Cause here, you're accepted 'as is'...and don't have to prove anything...
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Post by X factor on Sept 5, 2013 21:33:30 GMT -5
When you come to the attic, you are nothing more than light...all earthly restrictions, released. You are free...the way you were moments before born, or conceived... Before societal DNA was placed upon you...just a being. You're in the attic now...so relax, let go, and be free...
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Post by X factor on Sept 8, 2013 22:13:44 GMT -5
Hi...
I really don't want tomorrow to arrive...I'm perfectly content with 'now'..
'Now' is quiet and safe, 'now' is still, 'now' is peaceful, 'now' is known...
Tomorrow is not known, tomorrow is like a stranger that approaches with unknown traits and intentions.
I'm perfectly fine with 'now'...and wish I could stop time and extend 'now'...
'Now' is warm and friendly...not sure what tomorrow will be.
Anyways...thanks for joining me up in the attic...a place of refuge for many.
A place where you are accepted 'as is'...
And 'as is' is good enough for me...back soon...
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Post by X factor on Sept 30, 2013 21:45:58 GMT -5
Why must tomorrow come around so fast?
Why can't 'now' just last forever?, this moment....
Tomorrow is a destructive force, no if ands, or buts about it, tomorrow is, and has always been, a destructive force.
If tomorrow never came, no one would ever die, nothing would break, no bad news would be delivered to you, us.
All over the nation, how many will never even make it to work, do to accident. Tomorrow is very corrosive, and enough tomorrows strung together destroys everything.
Oh well... At least I'm here in the attic now...where it's calm...
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Post by X factor on Oct 1, 2013 22:11:52 GMT -5
Tomorrow is selfish to me...
Every time I glance at clock, tomorrow is closer to arriving...
I don't need tomorrow to arrive, I'm content with now, so why can't 'now' last forever?
.
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Post by X factor on Oct 3, 2013 21:34:23 GMT -5
Tomorrow reminds me of the darkness in this gif, pulling the poor soul off into it, into the unknown. That's what tomorrow represents to me. Tomorrow is the darkness that pulls this poor lady off into the dark unknown. And is why I like 'now'...I like 'right now'..right now is known...tomorrow isn't. Now is safe...not sure what tomorrow is. But even as I write this, tomorrow is trying to pull myself, and others, into it. If tomorrow never came, cancer would never spread, 1000's who will die tomorrow, would not. Tomorrow isn't as friendly as you think. I'm content with now, this moment...and whatever I have. Tomorrow will only take away from that... Thanks for joining me in the attic tonight...please do be safe...
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Post by X factor on Oct 6, 2013 16:07:00 GMT -5
(self portrait)(yes...that's me in the egg)... I woke up and felt like creating a abstract portrait of myself in an egg. As if maybe to suggest I wish I could be hatched again?, or never hatched at all...I don't know. Not sure...or maybe cause it's safer in the egg, than in the world (symbolically speaking of course). I just know it's the image I saw in my mind when I woke up, and so went about creating it. If there is or was life, before being hatched into this world, I do wish I could remember it.
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Post by X factor on Oct 6, 2013 18:57:26 GMT -5
I really don't want tomorrow to come...I really wish time would stop right now...just stop... I feel like time, tomorrow, is beating me up...like a bully, dragging me along, into it. With tomorrow comes things that will break, that I can't afford to fix, rude souls at work, stores, thieves will still, criminals will harm, traffic accidents will occur, disease will spread. More, who are safe 'now', will become casualties of war tomorrow. Debt collectors will call, bills will come do. Tomorrows just a unsafe scary place for me right now. And eventually tomorrow will win...that's what's so sad and scary. But at least I have now, we have now...this moment...as fleeting as it is..
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Post by X factor on Oct 27, 2013 18:13:31 GMT -5
Some times I just feel like running away from it all...running away from Monday. Running away from Monday, and Tuesday, and Wednesday...just running away from it all... Going to a place where time just doesn't matter. A place where time is not kept or recorded. If I can't be a billionare, I at least want to be in control of how I spend my time. Sometimes I get tired of serving industry...they benefit off our labor...but those who labor always continue to struggle. It just all seems rigged at times. My best, most relaxing times, is when I'm separated from the rat race. Like now, in the attic...separated from the rat race. Who I am, how I feel, and what I stand for, is not linked to money, or a paycheck... My only and last desire is to be free some day, while still young enough to enjoy that freedom. Tired of being a slave to the system...a system that robs you of your true value...
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Post by X factor on Oct 31, 2013 20:46:48 GMT -5
Tonight may be Halloween... But tonight, Halloween night, doesn't scare near as bad as tomorrow does. I'm safe now...(at least I think, unless something comes flying through the window)... Anyways...I'm safe now...'now' is good to me, 'now' is calm, 'now' is soothing. But tomorrow awaits my arrival like a beast with sharp teeth, waiting to grind away... "Hello, I'm tomorrow...and I can't wait for your arrival so I can chew you up and put you through hardship...I'll be waiting your arrival"... Halloween night is less scary to me than tomorrow...goodnight...
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Post by X factor on Nov 2, 2013 13:12:01 GMT -5
Suddenly, at least for a few days, maybe weeks, tomorrow doesn't seem to dreadful to me...
Why?
Because I'm once again in charge of my schedual...
I know that sounds odd...but it's a learning moment for myself, and maybe a few others...
It's your schedual you fear, or that causes anxiety, not so much the day itself.
It's being forced to do or participate in something you don't want to.
Whether it be school, employment, a speaking engagement ect.
The fear or anxiety comes from not feeling like you're in control.
The more control one has over their day, scedual, the more at ease one begins to feel.
I think one of the primary sources of anxiety in this nation is people showing up to jobs they do not enjoy, or scheduals that conflict with their own interest.
Or shift work, where someone else writes your hours for you. Basically, anytime one is not in control of what they do or where they go, anxiety goes up.
Well right now, at least for the next few days, maybe week, I'm in control of my own schedual, don't have to be anywhere, or thrust myself into any environment I choose not to.
Now suddenly all the teeth and fangs that tomorrow had, is gone for now...cause I'm in control...
I will enjoy this short period while it lasts...
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Post by X factor on Nov 13, 2013 11:50:27 GMT -5
Sometimes you just want to sit still, and want all of the world to just leave you alone... You just want to sit still, alone, in the attic...where it is quite...where you can think, no noise, no industrial interference...no broadcast interference...just peace and calm. The calmness comes from knowing no one owns you tomorrow. Knowing you're not being used as cheap labor, for the over all good of some firm, that you own know capitol in. But the system demands that you get up and out, and go slave away...and you resist, kind of like a dog being dragged along on a leash, that doesn't want to go, but has to...
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