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Post by X factor on Dec 7, 2021 2:24:40 GMT -5
This has been one of the oddest moods, physiological driven moods I've been in in a long while.
I say physiological cause it has to do with drinking, health, then not drinking, and those 3 things has me in a uncertain mood, and maybe a few other things also.
It's like everything has just stopped inside of me, motivation wise.
I'm not drinking right now, haven't in a few weeks, but bodies been feeling not the same ever since, not in a painful medical way, but rather in a, like I said, physiological way, at least how it means to me.
Almost like my brains chemical composition has changed since I stopped drinking, and maybe it has, maybe had alcohol so routinely flowing through my brain that now that it's not, brain doesn't know what to do or how to regulate normal mood.
Not that my mood is up and down, it's, if anything, lacking.
Hard to explain.
I really don't know, all I know is since stopped drinking I feel different, am perceiving things differently, relating to myself and environment around self differently.
Even been exercising more, no matter, I feel different than I did a month ago.
disconnected?, patient, no longer in a rush?
It's as if I've given into fate?
I don't know.
I'm sure lots of folks go through similar periods but lots of folks don't ever take time to write about it, lots of folks have a home full of other people, family, and don't have time to sit down when its quiet and write about much of anything, so it's like in a way I write for them, and they read, and either can relate or cannot, and if can't relate to this post, maybe the post before it or after it they find themselves relating to.
No telling what changes our bodies go through as we get older and age, it may not be new to science, but always new to the one going through it.
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Post by X factor on Dec 7, 2021 2:28:47 GMT -5
Side thoughts Not sure what kind of mood I'm in. I wish I could leave the planet, whole and conscious, either in spirit form or body form. I've had enough of civilization, and like most, just want to be left alone, no Governance or anything. (Then many would say 'how would you survive if not done in team effort?) That I do not know. Many animal species survive solo, but that's because whatever they eat doesn't need to be cooked, refrigerated and is plentiful, with man it's different. In the past I'm sure there was a lot of wild growing edible fruits on trees, and vegetables, and clean un polluted water from creeks, but now, not so much, the world of commerce has hoarded all the land, and makes it so you have to go to the market to get food, unless already own personal property. I guess in space would be even more difficult to sustain self unless destined for another planet with food already there. As such leaving Earth in spirit form would be even better, I suppose. Demons, spirits, Angels, how do they sustain their energy I wonder?, what do they eat? Energy is energy, and even evil spirits need nourishment, so what do they eat I wonder? Anyways... Not a very fulfilling weekend. There's things I could write about but don't feel like it. I guess I'm basically cave writing now, for people to read about in the future. With all the writings on the net now days, the 100's of 1000's of blog posts, ever wonder how many of the Authors of those posts are deceased? I've stumble across blog posts over 10 years old, makes you wonder where the Author is today. Not in a very cheery mood right now, and have nothing to look forward to tomorrow. Sometimes I find myself wishing something catastrophic would happen and shake up the routine of man. Such an event would set some of us free, and bind others. I wish I had more to say, just not in a very creative writing mood right now. Later A blast from the past, posted way back in 2016, has much changed since then? |
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Post by X factor on Dec 25, 2021 13:59:46 GMT -5
I should get up and out and go somewhere
I should get up and out and go somewhere, but where?
Where would I go?
Have lived in same area so long, would have to drive at least 30 miles in any direction, well, North, to see something different, and even if did, unless secluded, what would it matter, what am I going to do, walk in the wood?
Then what if some hunter thinks I'm a deer or wild hog?
I don't know, really just feel like exploring a abandoned building, but now days even that could get you in trouble.
There's nowhere I feel like going, at least not alone.
The internet satisfies my urge to explore.
And I have a older car, so there's always the worry of going out, then having car break down, now just created a bunch of new problems for self.
I'm the type that if I go out far, I never want to come back, as in just up and moving.
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Post by X factor on Dec 26, 2021 12:17:34 GMT -5
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Post by X factor on Jan 5, 2022 22:32:42 GMT -5
I think societies are just way to large now
I think societies are way to large now.
To many different people living together.
Many are worthless, don't contribute nothing, being carried along by those who do.
I think the only folks who like super large societies are those who do nothing, cause in a smaller society, if one did nothing, contributed nothing, they'd be noticed.
But in larges societies, 'do nothings' can just blend in.
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Post by X factor on Jan 7, 2022 22:36:06 GMT -5
Just trying to relax and settle into the evening after 3 long days of work.
Trying to now make that 'after work' transition from basically being a labor mule, to once again being yourself, free and creative.
I envy those who are or were, able to be creative and free while in their mental and physical prime, as in maybe millionaire athletes, or entertainers, or the heirs of lots of money, whatever.
Some get to live like they're retired while in their 20's, others, even when in their 70's, never know what it's like to live while retired, and many die, pass on, before ever getting there.
Fate is just a weird odd god.
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Post by X factor on Feb 11, 2022 22:46:42 GMT -5
 Hate when computer updates at night, and have like many browsers open, projects open, and then wake up in the morning and it's all gone. I'm glad I saved one project last night cause otherwise, who knows. Auto updates are just annoying. |
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Post by X factor on Feb 14, 2022 0:11:24 GMT -5
I'm no longer in a rush
I just don't rush stuff anymore, I just don't.
Life is so short, it's going to eventually end for me, us, everyone, sooner rather than later, and rushing, well what does rushing accomplish anymore?
For me nothing.
Fate is the ultimate master, I'm learning and have observed.
If fate is on my side, than I can do no wrong, but if fate isn't on my side, my efforts are useless.
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Post by X factor on Feb 14, 2022 0:19:12 GMT -5
I think god or fate or both, have already made up their mind about me years ago, decades ago, and there's nothing I can do to change that, not my behavior, not my looks, not even my attitude. It just seems we've all been placed in a cart, on tracks, where the destination has already been determined long before we were born.  |
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Post by X factor on Feb 19, 2022 18:39:37 GMT -5
I feel like I should be having fun right now, more fun than I am, but I'm not  I feel like I should be having fun right now, but I'm really not, does that make sense? I have a lot of energy, health finally getting better, at least for now, pain is gone. Yet, I'm just sitting here writing, working on future endeavors, something you do when don't have a social life. Yet my mood is decent, but I just feel I should be out there having fun with someone, but I'm not, and the one person I was able to get along with, do get along with, they're out of town, out West on a journey. ---------------------------------------- I feel like I should be drinking at the beach just having fun, but I'm not, I'm just sitting here. It's a odd feeling, what should I do with it? I mean all I have lined up to do is boring at home type of stuff, clean this, do that, type of 'list' stuff. I hate to waste such healthy moments in my life, as I age, cause as you age such healthy moments aren't guaranteed as much. Years ago I'd just go out drinking, I'd just go out and have fun by myself, but since not drinking at the moment, nah. Oh well, just felt like writing about this moment. It's like I feel 'happy', but no one to share that happiness with, maybe that makes more sense.
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Post by X factor on Feb 19, 2022 18:43:30 GMT -5
I feel like I should be doing something like this right now
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Post by X factor on Feb 25, 2022 22:36:24 GMT -5
I wish we could see how those who won the lottery are living a month or 2 into their newly won fortunes. I mean say someone wins 20 million in the lottery, but before that was check to check, well how are they living differently 2 months later? Those would be fun stories to follow, and I'm surprised a TV series hasn't been created documenting former lottery winners, I think such a TV show would do very well.  Continued: I mean cause once you win, and buy what you've always wanted, then what? What about the relationships in your or their life, do those change? Do couples stay together or break up? I'd like to know all those dynamics and more about how coming into a lot of wealth effects the average person. |
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Post by X factor on Feb 25, 2022 22:41:24 GMT -5
I wish we could see how those who won the lottery are living a month or 2 into their newly won fortunes. I mean say someone wins 20 million in the lottery, but before that was check to check, well how are they living differently 2 months later? Those would be fun stories to follow, and I'm surprised a TV series hasn't been created documenting former lottery winners, I think such a TV show would do very well. Continued: I mean cause once you win, and buy what you've always wanted, then what? What about the relationships in your or their life, do those change? Do couples stay together or break up? I'd like to know all those dynamics and more about how coming into a lot of wealth effects the average person.
I mean whatever happened to those record breaking lotto winners of a few years ago? The ones who won like half a billion dollars, where did they go?
How are they living now?
Do they now have any social influence at all?
I mean we just never here of any former lottery winners like turning into celebrities or going on to make a difference in life, they, former lotto winners, just all seem to drop out of site and vanish. |
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Post by X factor on Feb 25, 2022 22:49:54 GMT -5
I wish we could see how those who won the lottery are living a month or 2 into their newly won fortunes. I mean say someone wins 20 million in the lottery, but before that was check to check, well how are they living differently 2 months later? Those would be fun stories to follow, and I'm surprised a TV series hasn't been created documenting former lottery winners, I think such a TV show would do very well. Continued: I mean cause once you win, and buy what you've always wanted, then what? What about the relationships in your or their life, do those change? Do couples stay together or break up? I'd like to know all those dynamics and more about how coming into a lot of wealth effects the average person.
I mean whatever happened to those record breaking lotto winners of a few years ago? The ones who won like half a billion dollars, where did they go?
How are they living now?
Do they now have any social influence at all?
I mean we just never here of any former lottery winners like turning into celebrities or going on to make a difference in life, they, former lotto winners, just all seem to drop out of site and vanish.This link here answers just that question on what former lotto winners are up to. linkhttps://www.lotterycritic.com/lottery-winners/the-biggest-lottery-winners-where-are-they-now/ There are other webpages also that answer that question, just do your own research, it's interesting to read about former lotto winners, and on article said that about 70% of them go broke. And another article said that wealthy people hold their noses up to lotto winners. One couple held a large 4th of July party, invited all their 'old wealth money' neighbors, and no one showed up...that's kind of sad in a way. I guess even among the wealthy, they divide each other up into class, based on how you aquired your wealth. |
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Post by X factor on Feb 25, 2022 22:58:07 GMT -5
Continued from above www.lotterycritic.com/lottery-winners/the-biggest-lottery-winners-where-are-they-now/ One thing I notice about former lotto winners is that if they were dull people before winning, they remain dull average people after winning, nothing really changes, and I find that so dull. A few even attempted to go back to thier jobs, but weren't treated well by co-workers. I mean that would be cruel to show back up to work the next day after winning 200 million, and try to fit in as if nothing changed. People, co-workers, would obviously get jealous and very annoyed, especially if didn't offer to help others. Well anyways, I just hope I get to be one of those people who win the lotto, and then I can just see what I myself do, or change into, after I win.
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