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Post by X factor on Jul 6, 2024 18:21:46 GMT -5
Now, just being sober for long periods of time, feels weird to me, feels like a new adventure or something Being sober feels weird to me now, it's like I don't know what to do with myself. You gotta realize, pretty much the last 14 years of my life have been defined by drinking, in one way shape or form of another. Drinking, is the reason behind so much of where I've ended up in my life, for the better or worse.
It just amazes me that I'm still has healthy as I am...probably cause I never over did it...I'm not like a carry a bottle around with you all the time type of drinker...I'm more of a binge drinker. Like when off work, or home alone and bored, I'll just start drinking..(in the past anyways)..but from that drinking comes bizarre sides of me, silly sides, angry sides, sissy sides, playful sides, creative sides annoying sides and more. If I never started drinking back in the early mid 2000's, no telling where I'd be in life...only fate knows that though. Sometimes you can do everything by the book and steel crash dive into hardship. ---------------------------------------- Anyways, sobriety is winning out, as of now, as such, I have more energy = I tend to get way more done. I think the longest I've gone without drinking over the last 14 years has probably been 2 months??...maybe 3? I doubt 3...and if I did go 3 months without drinking, I wish I could remember what made me start up again. I bet ya it's in these blogs somewhere. ======================================== Will not drinking improve my life?...I don't know, maybe I've gone to far off course for improvement to occur. I just don't know...drunk or not, I do know I just wish I could win the lottery, cause money just tends to iron a lot of stress out of your life, if used properly.
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Post by X factor on Jul 6, 2024 18:50:47 GMT -5
Because I'm sober now, I actually, or it actually makes me want to go out more...that's weird.
I used to think drinking and being drunk spurned me to want to go out, but I was wrong.
For me anyways, being sober, feeling healthy, looking good, having real nutritional energy, is what makes me actually want to go out and mingle.
Being drunk really just makes me want to stay home, and if do go out, it's all fake emotions, I end up talking to folks I probably would not talk to if sober.
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Post by X factor on Jul 6, 2024 18:52:44 GMT -5
Also, since being sober again after drinking for so many years...I find myself feeling happy, happier, for no particular reason at all.
Again, like I mentioned earlier, being sober, when you haven't been sober for a while, is like being high or something, cause you start getting to know your own bodies range of emotions again, the natural way.
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Post by X factor on Jul 9, 2024 14:05:03 GMT -5
I've been sober for over a week now, yet moods are still all over the place.
Normally, when drinking, my moods are simply regulated by how drunk I am...but now that sober, it just, or I just feel a bit lost, not sure what's suppose to drive or motivate me.
When drunk, you can live a lie...you can lie to yourself about outcome or outcomes, but when sober, there's no where to retreat to and play 'pretend.'
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Post by X factor on Jul 13, 2024 14:28:28 GMT -5
 It's Saturday, and still no drink, nor do I plan to...I think tomorrow will be 2 weeks or so without a drink? Cool...but still have a long way to go to get back in decent over all shape. |
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Post by X factor on Jul 13, 2024 16:10:39 GMT -5
For some odd reason I feel better than I should, as if I crossed some threshold or something.
What I mean is, for so much of my past (other than when working, that is when I had a job), if off on Saturday I'd either be drinking now or recovering from drinking on Friday, assuming I was off work on Friday and or didn't have to work on Saturday...either way, no such deep in the gut dreaded hangover feeling.
It's like even my internal organs are happy and surprised that maybe, after 2 weeks of not drinking...(actually just one bad drinking day in about 3 weeks) that maybe finally the traces of booze in my system is gone...hmm.
Not saying I'm out of the woods yet, not even...still have weeks to go before I can really declare I'm no longer drinking...at least not regularly, but maybe forever, who knows.
Quitting drinking is like a rocket ship trying to break free of earths gravitational pull...that first 200 miles or so takes all the thrust those engines have to break free.
But once free, it becomes effortless and you're just floating in space, and now which direction you go in is up to you, the pilot of the ship and or your body.
Well, right now I haven't totally pulled free of drinkings gravitational pull, but almost there....hopefully.
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Post by X factor on Jul 13, 2024 16:11:30 GMT -5
I feel so much better than I should right now, heck, I may even take another bike ride, and exercise, that would really shock my body...lol
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Post by X factor on Jul 15, 2024 20:49:12 GMT -5
Still not drinking, very rare I go this long without a drink...going on over 10 days.
Instead, today I went to a natural herbal place and bought some gut cleans, skin ointment, hair stuff, and energy green goo stuff.
Do I feel any better?
Well, now's the wrong time to ask that, being it's midway to midnight, or after 9 pm, which is when energy level begins winding down, regardless.
But I think there's something in my system that needs to get flushed out, bacteria, a virus, parasites, something, that's draining me of my energy.
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Post by X factor on Jul 15, 2024 20:50:21 GMT -5
Without energy you're just nothing...will be motivated to do absolutely nothing other than lay down on your back.
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Post by X factor on Jul 15, 2024 20:51:38 GMT -5
Energy comes from other people, or at least physiological enthused type of energy.
If you have no one else in your life, and always alone, I think that energy stream begins to fade.
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Post by X factor on Jul 16, 2024 15:38:54 GMT -5
Days like today are when I'd drink in the past, no hesitation, as a way of moderating my mood.
It's a dull, semi-wet day out, not motivated much at all.
Perfect drinking day for drinkers...why?
Cause drinking masks how you really feel and the reality of the immediate situation.
When you drink, are getting drunk, you could be locked in a dungeon by yourself and still have fun or make things interesting.
But I can't allow this current 'mood' or reality to make me drink, cause I already know the outcome in advance.
The first 2 beers, flying high, then it settles, then after that just drinking to maintain the feeling, then after about 3-4 more beers, the second emotional booster goes off...then, well, either more or bed.
But then comes the following day, that whole depressed feeling of 'Oh why did I drink?'...the laying in bed, the not wanting to feel the hot sun on your skin.
Nah, I think I'll pass, at least for now.
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Post by X factor on Jul 19, 2024 23:08:55 GMT -5
My body absolutely cannot stand or really take alcohol anymore.
Had one of those really small bottles of wine, you can buy at convient stores...like 'barefoot' brand...and 1/5 of beer from a can, and just that about re-arranged my whole physiological mood and stance.
My body is just done with booze, of any kind.
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Post by X factor on Jul 20, 2024 14:37:01 GMT -5
So glad I didn't drink yesterday.
I still get tempted though, to drink, like when I meet someone over the phone.
For some reason we drinkers think that we get more out of the conversation when drinking or drunk.
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Post by X factor on Jul 21, 2024 13:17:48 GMT -5
I would like to think I've overcome my booze addiction, but I've been down this route before, and always only one moment, thought, away from giving in.
An emotional moment, can be a happy or sad moment, or even a meeting someone type of moment, over the phone.
I usually only drink at home and would never, upon first meeting someone, ever want them to see I smelt of booze.
Anyways, It's Sunday, just straightened up room, took a lot of mental energy to do that.
I've already exercised for the day, may do a little more later.
May go to discount store and get some more 'don't really need to buy' items.
And all that aside, still got a ton of time consuming stuff to do, work on, to study and more.
When you take away sleep, there really isn't a lot of time in the day to get stuff done...and if have a mindless meaningless job, the time to get stuff done is even worse.
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Post by X factor on Jul 23, 2024 14:14:09 GMT -5
Still sober, as of now...good and bad.
Probably mainly good in that I can wake up at any time of the day and not feel that lousy, alcohol drowsy type of way, where you're not just drowsy but also hating life.
That feeling between post drunk, yet not sober...it's a terrible feeling, been through it to many times to count.
So the good is, that I don't feel that way now...and it's that terrible post drinking feeling that ends up killing all your free time and making you not ever want to do anything.
So yeah, that's the good...the bad is, now forced to deal with the reality of my life, my feelings, my emotions, and have no where to hide from it all...unless so steeped in activity or studying or etc, that just don't have time to think about anything bad.
Like it's already past 3 pm and I haven't accomplished a dern thing, yet another wasted day...it's the habit boozing got me into, but now that not boozing, have to train self to actually utilize free time rather than lay around and waste it.
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