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Post by X factor on Aug 25, 2024 20:20:41 GMT -5
Just got back from a in the dark, ride my bike up and down the sidewalk workout...felt pretty good, all things considered...
Since not drinking tonight, or in last few days, and hopefully longer, I gotta keep myself busy...
But just sitting in place all day on computer doesn't cut it.
I have to go out and burn some calories or I get depressed, sitting around all day just makes me depressed, and doesn't fill the void alcohol would.
The thing about drinking is I'm very active while actually drinking, it's once I go to bed that the down side begins, the terrible feeling the next day that just lingers and lingers, and effects your mood, your moral, your outlook on life...and even your health.
But while in the moment of drinking, I'm pretty active, most are, but it's fueled by booze, like fake energy I suppose...and at the same time flushing out all your nutrients is probably why you feel so terrible the next day.
Nutrients, I suspect, also support our moods, I mean sure they do, everything about us is bio-chemical, so why wouldn't they.
Anyways, more constructive things to do than write on here where so few even read other than bots, or ad bots, or google bots or Russians.
What is it with Russians and forum sites like this?
Although lately, no one comes around here no more cause it's a place no one is used to...they, you, check it out, get freaked out, and run back to FB or X or instagram or other mainstream places.
That's fine...I've come to like the quiet feel of this place.
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Post by X factor on Aug 25, 2024 21:48:27 GMT -5
Sobriety can be one scary ride, if not used to it
Sobriety can be one scary ride, for sure, if not used to it, and you realize what a shaky foundation of supposed friends, even family, and or future you've created for yourself.
Once sober, you have to decide how to make things right again, one corrective decision at a time.
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Post by X factor on Aug 30, 2024 22:23:19 GMT -5
It's Friday night and I'm working out instead of drinking, and for my age, any age, I feel pretty decent.
I think sobriety is winning, at least for now.
I haven't set any sobriety records yet, not even close.
Also, not having a job I hate helps, not having any job, helps...
Going back to work could ruin this run, cause hating what you do makes you want to drink when off on the weekends or evenings....it really does.
And working a job you hate can get you out of shape quick if it effects your outlook on life, or if a OTR driver spending hours, days, away from home on the road eating junk food, death food, that crap out there is terrible for you....the sugary drinks, everything, the chips, all of it...death food.
Anyways, between reps, let me finish up this workout.
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Post by X factor on Sept 5, 2024 16:26:35 GMT -5
When I drink, I feel so bold, confident, assured of myself, then for the next day or two after, I feel so very small and frail and emotionally fragile.  |
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Post by X factor on Sept 7, 2024 19:39:41 GMT -5
I notice that when drunk, it's much easier to entertain myself when I'm alone all by myself.
When I'm drunk, I'm never bored, yet when sober, and alone, I notice I get bored and not able to entertain myself nearly as much when alone.
Like it's Saturday night right now...if I were drunk, well, who knows, but one thing for sure I wouldn't be feeling bored and a bit vacant on the inside.
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I could start drinking and get drunk right now, if I chose...even have 2 cans of beer in place, and a tiny bit of liquor...but I'm choosing not to, for some reason.
It's not easy though, cause you only get one Saturday night per week, and only one on this particular date in time and history....I could drink, get drunk, and play with myself, so to speak, or I can continue to sit here agonizing over feeling bored and unmotivated.
Even the 'to do list', seems boring when I'm sober.
Don't get me wrong, I have energy, but totally lack motivation right now...maybe that's the result of being single, not having a family, or friends, or anyone I'm attracted to right now.
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Post by X factor on Sept 7, 2024 19:40:52 GMT -5
I mean if it was booze that was motivating me to do all the stuff I did over the last decade, then, well, now what?
If not drinking, or choosing not to, than what will motivate me going forward?
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Post by X factor on Sept 7, 2024 19:44:35 GMT -5
I'm not drinking right now, cause I like how I look when I don't drink.
My face looks better to me, looks healthier, and I look younger when I stop drinking.
If I looked ugly to self right now in the mirror, I'd probably drink....but I'm borderline.
I mean I guess there are plenty of people who don't drink, who still look ugly.
I need to take a bike ride or something...I can't just sit in this room all night, I'll go nuts.
But it's Sat night...gotta be careful on those streets after dark these days.
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Post by X factor on Sept 24, 2024 23:11:00 GMT -5
I actually bought some beer this evening, but oddly enough haven't touched it.
Sometimes, with me, I'm less tempted to drink when I have beer in the place than when I don't.
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Post by X factor on Sept 24, 2024 23:15:20 GMT -5
Also, I notice when I drink more than, say, twice a week, all sorts of minor health issues come back...
1. Soar or grindy joints.
2. Poor circulation when I lay down, as in that feeling like your arms is alseep, etc.
3. Muscles around neck and face feel 'rusty', hard to explain...maybe do to dehydration when drink a lot.
4. Gut always feels full and bloated.
5. Eye sight more fuzzy.
6. Louder ringing in the ears.
7. Not as happy.
8. Face looks uglier, more bloated, more wet.
And I could go on and on...but when stop drinking and start working out regularly, all that stuff pretty much goes away.
And I drink fairly light compared to some.
Anyways, I'm dry tonight, regardless...but how long will I stay that way, is the question.
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Post by X factor on Sept 27, 2024 22:26:04 GMT -5
I hate being stuck in this kind of coming down off of 3-5 beers feeling, yet not sober, cause you don't feel like doing anything.
With me I either got to be all the way sober, with not a drop of booze in my system, or just drunk or getting drunk, but that in between zone is what I don't like.
Is why I need to just stop drinking all together...even sometimes drinking needs to just stop.
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Post by X factor on Sept 30, 2024 16:27:58 GMT -5
Going through that 'detox' stage right now, or a mini one...I was already on one, but kind of started drinking beer again a few nights a week, but gradually all the negative stuff about drinking began coming back...so I've stopped again, for now.
And, well, as usual, here comes the consistent bursts of energy...that longevity type of energy, or sustained physical and mental energy...like a rocket taking off of a launch pad type of energy.
Why I'd ever disrupt that by drinking, I can't figure out, no drinker can.
Anyways, being sober can be like being high, when not used to it, as your body begins to wake up.
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Post by X factor on Sept 30, 2024 22:19:25 GMT -5
I know this, and that is there are worst things for your health than beer or booze. Mainly items with lots of sugar. You really got to pay attention to your body after ever single meal and see how you feel, from your brain, to your gums, to your teeth, nostrils, muscles, eyes, everything...pay attention, listen to how your body feels after you just ate whatever you just ate. it's because most don't do that, that they continue eating food, or a food with a certain chemical in it, that messes them up over the short or long run. Lately I've been getting the cavity sensation, that occurs not when I drink beer, but rather when my sugar intake goes way up without me knowing it....some possible culprits... 1. Dates, dates are very sweet and sugary, even though it's a fruit. www.healthline.com/nutrition/benefits-of-dates#TOC_TITLE_HDR_2 OK, I just looked up health benefits of dates, and yes they're very sugary, but it's a natural sugar or fructose, the natural kind...and has copper, and other benefits I'd of never imagined. So maybe it's something else, and not the dates. I did by some hostess ding dongs, but have barely eaten them. Anyways, it's something, and I need to figure it out, could be the apple cider drink I bought, that has bad stuff in it I'm sure, in order for it not to spoil. |
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Post by X factor on Oct 7, 2024 19:23:50 GMT -5
I had to have a talk with myself...
1. You drank last night, did it resolve anything in your life?
No...
2. If you drink tonight, will it resolve anything in your life?
No...
3. Will drinking beer tonight improve your health, or your looks and or your mood?
No...
Than why drink?
A. Cause I think reality frightens me at times, my own moods frighten me, and drinking allows me to escape for a while, and pretend, I guess.
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Bottom line, my better side, my adult side, my logical side, is correct, I don't need to drink tonight.
My body does all it can to keep me healthy, I workout, and am pretty fit for my age, so why would I keep making it harder for my body to restore me, and make me whole?
I guess that's what loneliness does to you at times, when lonely, you just don't want to feel lonely, and if alcohol is the only one, or thing that will talk to you, it can be hard to resist, at times.
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Post by X factor on Oct 7, 2024 19:26:13 GMT -5
Instead of drinking, I'll have some tea.
I really don't need any type of stimulant to be honest, but tea it will be.
I fall prey to my own good or decent health, cause it's when I feel healthy and full of energy, is when I usually want to drink.
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Post by X factor on Oct 28, 2024 23:57:37 GMT -5
You'd think I'd no better than to start drinking again...cause I'm here to say that since I have, wow, all the things that went away, have come back. Body aches, cracking joints, stiff neck muscles, and just other negative things that go away when I stop drinking. So why do I drink then? Habit, I guess, to escape feeling lonely at times. But I can still turn it around, and must. I mean if I'm going to be alive, I at least want to feel good while alive, even if things aren't going my way. And also, when drunk, I end up talking to some of the most slime ball people on earth, out there on those streets, people I'd never ever talk to when sober.  If I were younger and looked better...lol, I'd probably get raped out there on those streets the way I be acting sometimes towards others when drunk. Raped or beat up or both. |
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