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Post by X factor on Jul 23, 2024 14:17:56 GMT -5
Also, when on a sobriety run, I sometimes get nervous just leaving the place and going to the store, cause just seeing all the beer can be tempting.
All you need is that one little moment of weakness, of justification, and that's how it starts.
Ye, those first few beers feel great, you're floating all around, but then you can't stop there, cause what fun is that?...so you drink more, and more and always has to be more, otherwise why start?...says the drinker.
I only drink alcohol to get drunk...if not going to get wild and fun drunk, why would I bother drinking alcohol?
But there are lot's of people who just like that little slight buzz, and they stop...I can't do that...that's pointless to me.
If I'm going to drink, I'm gonna drink to get drunk or not at all.
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Post by X factor on Jul 23, 2024 15:04:06 GMT -5
The revealed layers of sobriety get better with each day, once you get past the one week mark.
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Post by X factor on Jul 23, 2024 18:19:10 GMT -5
So close to giving in
One of those days where there's or there was no more highlights, felt alone, but felt like natural mood cycle wasn't good enough, so I drove to liquor store and bought two 4-packs of beer and one very small Burban half pint.
Drank a few sips of the Burbon, drank literally one sip of beer, then I just stopped....why?
Cause although my body isn't 100%...still have a few muscle aches, and joint soreness, yet my energy level is superb, and it's like I got a boost of energy, right before about to take second swallow of beer, and I just stopped.
I felt sorry for my body...it's as if my body was trying to say 'Just give us a bit more time to heal'...and well, I just felt sorry for my body, cause my bodie's been so good to me, better than my behavior deserves...so I stopped drinking.
Probably had less than 2 tea spoons of beer and booze combined.
Any more than that and I might not have been able to stop...but I just, I don't know...I respect and like life.
I know my body, my organs are me, but in a way they're still seperate life from my soul, and so who am I to damage them by drinking? Is how I felt at that moment, for some odd reason.
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Drinking myself drunk would not have solved a thing in my life, and would have pretty much rendered tomorrow useless, cause would have spent 3/4's of the day in bed recovering and then feeling depressed.
Look, choosing not to drink tonight, at this moment, isn't gonna magical change or reverse anything negative in my life...isn't gonna garner me any new friend, or bring back old ones...so I guess I just did it cause, well, it was the right thing to do.
I've got health momentum going on right now, and maybe my body just needs a bit more time to totally heal up.
And there's a few other things I need to cut out of my life like sauces, which contain high fructose corn syrap, which is crack cocaine of sugar, and a few other things that do with diet.
I'm exercising daily, but still my future is as uncertain as ever.
I'm a lonely soul just trying to navigate through this world, a older lonely soul at that...I don't expect much positive outcome anymore, but I do desire peace, a peaceful existence and environment...and you can't have peace within if your body is sick or sickly and or in pain.
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Anyways, evening, here I come, sober and all, oh Lord have mercy...
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Post by X factor on Jul 24, 2024 23:38:28 GMT -5
I've pretty much all but stopped drinking, over the past month, yet face, to me, sometimes looks like it still wants to fall off...
Seems the face always goes first...I mean you can have a 24 year old looking body, but your face always makes you look older and more tired.
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Post by X factor on Jul 25, 2024 19:17:24 GMT -5
Did a brave and smart thing today
OK, the other night I did give in, had like a small amount of Burban, as in 1/4 pint, basically a few swallows, but then guzzled down 3 beers after that, 3 or 2.5.
Woke up the next day feeling just fine, like zero effect...and that's cause had previously gone like 15 days without a drink, so much healthier.
Well, the next day I was like, 'Nope, not falling for this trap again', and so I put remaining booze in my vehicle with the intention to just drop it off on the street and let some homeless person get it...well I forgot to do that, and so the booze was still in vehicle...and that's how temptation begins....cause then I"m like 'Well, since already in vehicle, may as well go get it and finish it off'...
And that was the plan, sort of...but then on the way back home I was like 'No, not doing it'...and so dropped booze off at a Dollar Store, behind the store, where sometimes homeless people sit, and then drove home with no booze in car or place.
That's a big deal for me, for anyone who drinks, or did a lot in the past...that was a big deal decision making moment.
Will this evening be better because of it? I doubt it, cause even though not drinking, I still have to deal with 'self', and my own habits that can at times be less than productive...but it's a start.
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Post by X factor on Jul 27, 2024 17:36:58 GMT -5
Don't be fooled...booze, alcohol will rob you of, not enhance, your creative spirit or vision and drive.
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Post by X factor on Jul 28, 2024 13:20:25 GMT -5
Beer and boozing are like one of those things that once you give it up, you wonder why you ever started.
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Post by X factor on Jul 29, 2024 17:40:19 GMT -5
I look a lot better to myself when I stop drinking...not in the morning though or when just get up...seems there's no curing that 'just got out of bed face.
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Post by X factor on Jul 29, 2024 21:10:08 GMT -5
Still sober, but did drank Friday night, and then went out, and made a fool out of myself.
I'm still recoiling from that night.
When you're drunk, truth is, no one thinks you're cool, OK, you're not cool, rather you become a fool.
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Post by X factor on Aug 6, 2024 20:05:29 GMT -5
 So glad I didn't cave in and drink today. It's the last thing my mind and body would have needed. I gotta meet someone tomorrow to discuss an art project, and I need to be mentally sharp, enthused, focused and eager....drinking tonight would of stolen all that from me and I'd of shown up at meeting high on caffeine. ----------------------- The sobriety road is a long one, don't let anyone fool you. Drunkness is like gravity, it continues to pull at you weeks, months, after you've stopped drinking altogether or regularly. But the further you get away from that gravity, the easier it becomes to move in the opposite direction. I actually have energy right now, but my mind, my drive, is flat. My mind is out of alignment with my body, I suppose, at the moment and all day. But at least I didn't drink today, if nothing else, I'm happy about that. |
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Post by X factor on Aug 6, 2024 22:25:27 GMT -5
On thing about not drinking, at least for me, is that you just find yourself with all this extra energy, even late at night, but don't always know what to do with it, in that sure, my body has energy, but my mind may have fizzed out a few hours ago.
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Post by X factor on Aug 13, 2024 21:37:27 GMT -5
Got rid of 3 cans of beer, that were lingering in my place...no beer tonight.
Went out, and instead bought a deli salad, a deli sandwich and some Dr Pepper, not that Dr Pepper is healthy...but did so to just satisfy that urge to go out and by something, which normally would be beer, but since cutting way back on drinking, it's not any beer anymore...and saving a ton of money.
Beer isn't cheap anymore.
a 4-pack is probably $5.20 or so now, or more.
By not drinking I'm definitely saving a lot of money per month.
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Post by X factor on Aug 14, 2024 18:19:30 GMT -5
I feel like drinking right now, but don't want all the side effects I feel like drinking right now, or being emotionally taken to the spot drinking takes me to, but without the lingering side effects that always follow. Wish I could get that drunk utopic feeling, without actually flooding the body with booze, which is bad for you, of course. I'm working hard to get into shape, and I'm my own worst enemy, in that regard, most of us are indeed our own worst enemies. But now that sober, I have energy, and afternoons, evenings, just seem to drag when sober, and that's a good thing, cause time is precious. But what I'm saying is when it drags, it makes me want to drink to make the dragging time more fun to myself. That's just how drinkers think, I suppose. When going sober, you really have to totally re-arrange you're whole mindset. Even as I type this I feel like drinking, just so can relax.
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Post by X factor on Aug 17, 2024 20:30:20 GMT -5
Yes, alcohol has been a seductive trap for me now for over a decade, but not enough to out and right ruin my life.
And that's what's frustrating about drinking, it doesn't out and right destroy your life in a obvious way, rather it eats away at you slowly, things add up over time that get you off course, and rob you of your potential.
But lately, not drinking as much, desires still there, but doing a decent job of resisting, as such I'm like in a weird mental zone as of late.
It's like being sober is like being stoned or high, as I learn to deal with all this new energy.
It's almost like being reborn, as the body heals on multiple levels.
It's weird having the same energy level at 10 pm, that I did at 8 am, I mean natural energy, energy based on nutrition and exercise.
And speaking of exercise, I've been doing it twice a day now, morning and evening...cause I can't just sit home with all this energy buzzing through me.
But also, I've been out of work for the last 5 months or so, taking a online course, so not working also has made me get back in shape and rediscover a lot.
Working a job is so overrated if you ask me.
The idea of going back to some laborous, mindless, stuck schedule is repulsive to me, maybe cause I'm older now and see how futile and useless wage slave jobs are.
Anyhow, it's Saturday night, I'm sober, and still got lots of night left.
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Post by X factor on Aug 18, 2024 4:22:51 GMT -5
It's dark and early, but like I mentioned above, since not drinking, I have a lot more energy, and so the need to sleep in late is not there.
If anything, I sleep in late out of habit, but not cause I need to.
This being sober stuff and getting in shape is transformative in many ways.
I was headed for physical destruction had I continued to live the lifestyle I was before.
I was really fooling myself thinking I could drink 3-4 days a week, work, and exercise a bit inbetween and be OK.
I was fooling myself but not my body, for sure.
But now I work out twice a day and barely drink, and haven't worked in a while.
I love the freedom, and the though of having to go back to work makes me want to vomit.
Maybe I'll apply for some unemployment to extend my not working period a bit longer...I don't know.
But they want to know so much about you now, at least when do it online is why I'd rather go down to the office and do it the old fashion way.
The internet is demonic...I mean they want all your info, and then all these places get hacked.
Nothing online is secure anymore...and companies that tell you that are bold face liars or fools.
Is why credit reports shouldn't matter anymore if others can pull credit in your name...big fat duh.
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